I hope what I write about life touches you in some way. I hope that what I go through helps you live life a little bit easier. I hope the words written here helps change something for the better. Read on, dear friends. Read on, and help me like I hope I help you.

Saturday, 22 December 2012

This is the band that I love. They are The Wanted (a couple of their songs have been titles of some of my blog posts). From left to right: Tom, Nathan, Siva, Max and Jay
They are quite amazing. Well, in my opinion, they are amazing. With some great music. But then again, if you don't like boy bands, you might not like them so much.

(I feel you close, I feel you breathe, and now it’s like you’re here, you’re haunting me. You’re out of line, you’re out of sight. […]In our house, I hate that place. Everywhere I turn I see your face. Trying to erase a memory with a flame, and hope that I never see you again. Standing there, in a burning room, you know the end couldn’t come so soon. Now, it’s clear to me the lies you use, the ones that killed me aren’t hurting you. –The Wanted)

Okay, so the day after the world is supposed to end, and I'm still alive; sadly, all the assholes are alive, as well. If we were supposed to have an apocalypse, I'd have at least hoped that the assholes and haters would've been gone today. I guess not.

My mother (witch) decided that the kitchen (which I'd cleaned to near perfection, mind you) was not done to the best of my abilities, that it was still trashed. Right. The only thing that had been wrong was that there were crumbs (hardly, if any) on one of the counters and that her robe was on a chair. And that it is my fault for not having put her robe away. And the crumbs? Seriously? Aren't there always crumbs on a kitchen counter? I mean, honestly, that isn't a big deal – or shouldn't be, anyways. Especially the fact that she had left her robe on the damn chair to begin with. So, the witch says that later today, we're going to talk about my having a deadline to change or moving out. Okay, my thing is, if you can't accept me as who I am, then you aren't really worth my time. If you don't like who I am and try to change me, then you need to clean your house first. Because I try to do stuff and you can't handle the fact that I am not like the "great" person that you are. I am sorry, but you are not great if you try to change someone else before trying to change yourself.

Anyhow, the witch has people over, and I managed to get out of the house for awhile; so, I am hanging out at a local café, typing away my life issues onto my blog. Whatever, I'm not going to sit around her house and bother her and her tennis dorks, as they sit there and gossip about people. Yeah, I know, I am kind of a hypocrite, because I gossip about people (er, just a person – the witch), but it's not constant. It's just to my best friend (Ashley, the older sister I never had), and we talk about the witch a couple times a week, but it's only because Ashley agrees with me that she is a witch. And we aren't hurting anyone.

Granted, I could've done better, I could've been more aware of what's going on, but can't she find a better way to handle the situation? Instead of, you know, bitching at me and screaming at me and just straight up being a witch. Because that doesn't help the situation.

So, anyhow…. I met a guy at work. Well, he works with me at work. He's a cashier. He goes to Michigan State University in East Lansing. He started working at Busch's over the summer and is back for the holiday break, only to leave within the first week of January. His name is Kevin, and he's kinda cute, with his dimples, brown eyes, brown, curly hair…. He's 5'8" or 9", kinda thin, and sorta reminds me of the skater types. But the cute, skater types who possibly surf over summer break. I dunno, I don't think anything is going to happen. He's only around for about 2.5 weeks, and then he's going back to school. Plus, I don't think he likes me. Much. He doesn't like me much. If he does, just as a friend.

Four days until the witch leaves for France, and we'll have 8 days to chill, veg and be happy. 8 days of no parents is probably the best thing that could happen right about now, because I need a break. Seriously. I can't stand having people down my throat all the time like that.

Anyhow, I know I am ranting, I know that I shouldn't do that. But sometimes, it's good to rant. It helps me clear my head a little bit.

So, anyways, I am kind of tired, I am ready for today to just be over. But it is far from over. It's only 1.30 pm and we've got a few hours before I can go to bed. But I just want to sit around and watch movies all afternoon, but the witch has other plans, apparently. Whatever, I think I will live (I think? I know I will, dammit.).

So, I don't know what my mom will say later, I don't know what kind of deadline she is going to make for me, but I think I am just going to take one day at a time and live to make things a little bit better; however, I don't think that it is just me that needs to change. I think everybody needs to change, even if it is a little bit, for the better. And if I have to change to make others realize that they need to change, then so be it, because, frankly, I am so damn tired of everybody saying that I need to change and nobody changing themselves. If my parents see that, then it's a victory, because then, at least, I've proven something to them.

I'm changing!!!

Shit, man. I mean, whatever. If nobody gives a damn whether I change or not, then I am screwed. Because if I change and they don't care, then why the hell did I change? I don't know. And, frankly, I really don't care whether they care if I change or not, because I am changing for me – well, kind of also because they want me to change, but it's not for them that I am doing it.

Whatever, if they can't take me either way, then they're f-ing assholes.

Anyways, I think that maybe … one day I can show them that I am a good person and they couldn't see it now. Hopefully, I can be that bigger person and show them that I can be the better person, as well.

Hopefully, that one day isn't too far off.

Okay, well, I am going to get myself some lunch. Have a great day, guys!

Tuesday, 18 December 2012

[Somebody hit me in the head… oh, yeah, it’s almost Christmas]

One week until the big day. Yup, it's almost Christmas, guys. And hopefully, this next week will be less stressful (emphasis on less.). I think that it should be, because my dad leaves for France tomorrow. I will be working this evening, so I won't see much of him. My mom follows him a week after he leaves (yea, he is gone for Christmas; I don't know if I should be happy or sad, but it will definitely be less stressful without him around….). I think that it will be good for them to be away for awhile. If not for their mental health, then for their relationship. But they come back the 3rd of next month, so I mean, it won't be like they're gone for the whole winter season, or anything.

I am hopefully done with my Christmas shopping, although I do have a week if I need to get anything for anyone else. I might get small things for everybody; you know, stuff to put in their stockings (well, shit, my dad is opening his gifts this evening, and I didn't get him shit. Oh, well, I think he'll live). At least, I can get small stuff for everyone else. I got stuff for my sister (earrings, a fragrance mist and a book) and I got my mom some scented lotion. However, it'd be nice to get my brother something, even if it is small. For my dad, well, I can email him a poem or something, seeing as to I am pretty good at writing (if I do say so, myself.). See? Despite my anger, I can still do something nice for them.

So, anyways.

Despite not having my grandmother for Christmas this year, I think that we're going to be okay. I mean, she isn't here with us physically, but she certainly here with us in spirit. She wouldn't want us to be sad that she isn't here. If she were here, she'd scold us and tell us that it is Christmas, that we shouldn't be sad, but merry and that it isn't about her being gone. It's about us spending time with one another and being happy to be in each other's company. And that was the lesson that my mom and grandmother tried to instill in us for so long. Although, when we were younger, I don't think we care; we were more into our presents than spending time with one another.

I am hoping that after this week, things will get better. I mean, Christmas seems more stressful than it should be (for crying out loud, people, I don't know why you're so stressed during the MOST HAPPIEST TIME OF THE DAMN YEAR!!!!!), so, I guess that might have something to do with how stressed out my parents are. But I think that us kids do need to do a little bit better with our responsibilities and how we act. Granted, my sister is turning 17 in almost two weeks, I am 21 in less than two months and my brother is just 14, but we are old enough to know better. But it doesn't help that our parents think that it is okay to set parameters on how they think we should act and be and, and, and…. You know? But, I mean, if we respected the fact that we live in their house and acted a bit better, they wouldn't be as stressed, especially during this time of year.

Whatever. Merry Christmas, mom and dad, for realizing something that you've been trying to beat into our heads for the past few years. You know, you hear something enough, you learn it. Like I said, whatever.

But on the other side of that token, should they have the right to act like they do when something doesn't go their way? Because we're their kids, is there some set of rules that we don't know about that allows them to get this stressed and angry at us whenever we don't do something right? Should we be following what they want down to a t to make them happy?

We're their kids, yes. But do they own us? I don't think that's how it goes. Yes, we are their kids, but I don't think that gives them the right to get pissed at us for doing something wrong. I mean, life tests us so that we learn lessons, right? So, why don't they let us learn our lessons without their reservations and fears?

They don't want us making the same mistakes they did, and I get that. But still. We can't learn what is right for us if they don't let us do that for ourselves. Or am I wrong in thinking that? I don't know, I'm just writing and rambling, hoping that an answer will smack me in the face.

Okay, senseless babbling is over. I have to get some shit done before I go to work in about an hour and a half.

Well, I mean, in a minute.

I mean, I like to randomly type (or write). Because sometimes things seem more in perspective after I write it out. Or maybe I can get some perspective from other people. Who knows? Right?

So, anyway…

… is it already Tuesday? No way, I am not ready for the rest of the week. Ugh. Whatever, I will live, right?

Okay, so the siblings are home and I think the dog needs to go out, so I'll leave with this.

Have a great day (and week, if I don't write again this week.).

I hope that you and yours have a wonderful, happy, blessed Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanza, Yuletide, and whatever holiday you celebrate this holiday season.

And don't forget to tell your mother, father, grandparents, daughters, brothers, sons, sisters, aunts, uncles and cousins that you love them, because you don't know how long you have with them. And, oh, yeah, it's the holiday season!!!! J Have a great one.


Monday, 17 December 2012

[I throw my armor down and leave the battleground for the final time now. I, I, I know I’m running from a warzone. –THE WANTED]

I mean, is it bad enough that my parents are all over my case about whatever bullshit they feel the need is okay to get all over my ass for? I guess they don't think it's enough, because they are bitching at my about having shit on my floor (I mean, seriously, what 20 year old doesn't have shit on their floor?), about not working enough hours (and that's my fault, how?), about how my mom wants the house fricking perfect as hell, and that she doesn't care if we get "wrapped around a tree", as long as her house is fucking perfect (which basically means she doesn't care if we die, as long as the house is clean.). And forgive my language, but I think that this bullshit merits some foul language. I just think that it's bullshit. My mother (my own flesh and blood), called me a do nothing sack of shit who doesn't care about anything. But here's the thing: I went grocery shopping for her yesterday morning, I cleaned the kitchen and made sure her house was ready for our family Christmas gathering yesterday (okay, well, I wasn't the only one doing shit, but still…). And she then goes on to complain that I don't have any money for anything. Uh, okay, and now I wonder why half the time I have no cash in the bank. I know a lot of the time it is because I just spend it all on shit that I don't need. But when she is asking me to do her grocery shopping with my money, it gets kind of really aggravating. Like, what am I supposed to do, tell her no, I can't because I don't have any money to spend on her shit?

Whatever, I'm just done with the fucking bullshit. I just wish that she (well, they, because both my parents are assholes half the time, it feels like) realizes that she isn't the only one affected in this whole thing. I mean, I understand where she is coming from. But my whole thing is that my parents don't live in their children's rooms at all, let alone on a regular basis. I mean, yeah, my dad shares closet space with me and my brother (which I totally don't get, mind you, it boggles my mind), but even then, he's only in our rooms a couple times a week. If ever. It's not like he lives and sleeps in my room. He's not the one who sees it every day. I mean, seriously.

Like I said, what-the-fuck-ever. I am just so sick of the drama and bullshit in this house. It drives me nuts. I'm not even kidding when I say that I'm just ready for the world to end (which, mind you is supposed to be four days from now. Well, we'll see, because we survived Y2K, swine flu, mad cow disease, bird flu, 9/11 and other bullshit like that.). And that is kind of saying something.

Okay, I am done ranting. Until something else like this happens, which is more likely to happen than not. Like, seriously, I'm not even going to bet on the fact.

So, anyhow.

I'm working, I'm writing, I'm trying to live life. Which is kind of hard because my parents want me to live the life they want me to live and not the life that I want to live. It sucks, but what can I do about it? In my mom's words, "When you live under my roof, you live by my rules." Whoever came up with that saying is kind of an ass. I feel like it's the battle cry for parents everywhere. I am just saying. But I said I was done ranting.

I am writing a Beauty and the Beast-esque book. Let's see if this one can actually get finished, huh? But this book is from the girl's point of view, instead of the beast's (or guy's) point of view. I just thought that it would be interesting because I haven't read or seen a Beauty in the Beast type story in that view yet. And I think it would be cool to get into the girl's head for a change, rather than the guy's side of the story. This way, you can see the guy's transformation, but you can also see what the girl is going through, in a more in-depth way. At least, that is how I am thinking of it as. Or maybe it's just another Beauty and the Beast book. I just don't know. As far as I am in the book, there is not much content and not much going on yet. Well, damn. I thought it'd be good by now. Haha, whatever. It will be, when I am finally done with it. I hope, anyways.

Anyways, I think I am done writing for tonight. I am tired and I am going to watch a movie before bed. At least, attempt to. I don't know how far I am going to get into the movie to actually call it watching the movie. But who knows?

Goodnight, guys.


Saturday, 24 November 2012

(you cast a spell on me, spell on me. you hit me like the sky fell on me, fell on me. and i decided you look well on me, well on me. so let's go somewhere else where no one else can see you and me. turn the lights out now. now i take you by the hand. hand you another drink. drink it if you can. can you spend a little time? time is slipping away, away from us so stay, stay with me i can make, make you glad you came. ~THE WANTED)

hey, guys. i haven't been blogging like i should have been. i'm sorry, guys. i've just been real busy, especially the past couple weeks. i worked more than fifty hours in the past two weeks together.... i worked every day this past week (yes, including thanksgiving), and today is my first day off.
i celebrated thanksgiving three days in a row. tuesday night, i celebrated with ashley and michael because michael had to work on thursday... we had a pot lock on wednesday, and there was a shit ton of food (i made awesome chocolate chip cookies, by the way. mmhmm.). and thursday, we had pizza at work and i celebrated with the family. ashley came over for a few hours and i went to her house for an hour or two afterward. it was an amazing thanksgiving.
then i worked yesterday, and we were soooo dead that i got to leave an hour early. it was insane. but i liked it because i worked hard the rest of the week.
i tried to text laura and say that i was sorry (for what, i have no idea, because for what i know, i didn't do anything wrong to begin with), and we ended up having a fight. like, seriously? for all i know, i did nothing wrong (at least, to have us stop talking - she said that she thought we were acquantances, and we'd talk for ten seconds and that was that...), and she was like, yeah, well, i thought we weren't friends and just acquantances, and we'd leave it at that. but i said i was just saying that i was sorry and maybe we could be friends? she basically said that she didn't want to be friends anymore and that i could screw off. yeah, okay. i'm being the bigger person and saying that i am sorry, and you can't even accept it. cool.
my dad is trying to get me to go back to school because he wants me back in school. okay, well, dad, i don't know if school is the right thing for me. maybe i just want to keep doing what i am doing right now, and if school is something that i want to go back to, then okay. but don't be spending your money on my deciding whether i want to stay in school or not.
and the fact that my parents want me to do things because they want me to do them is fricking ridiculous. dude, if i am not willing or ready to do whatever it is you want me to do it, then don't force me to do it. i will get to it when i am ready for it. but, i guess they just want the best for me. even though what they are trying to do is kind of messed up, because they want me to do what they want me to do. and i don't know if i want to do that.
okay, i am done complaining.
i love my new job (my job that i've been at for about three months now). generally, people there are nice. i love the atmosphere, the people, the emotional climate, everything. it's great. definately more positive than working at the hell hole that i worked at before. i enjoy it, and i don't have to put on a mask. they know me better than anyone did at burger king (except for ashley, who knows me better than anyone at all). they know the real me. or as real as i want to get with them.
okay, well, i am going to sign off, because i have stuff to do. i <3 ya guys. have a good night.

Tuesday, 16 October 2012

(i throw my armour down and leave the battle ground for the final time now. i, i, i know i'm running from a warzone. ~The Wanted)

i love that song.... i just recently discovered it on pandora (it's called warzone.).
anyhow, it's been awhile, i realized that. oops. sorry, guys.
i've finally gotten out of burger king on the 23 of september (hallelujah!), and been working anywhere between twenty five and thirty hours a week for the third week in a row.
i totally love this new job. it's fun. it's awesome. the people there are way cool. i can leave work with a huge smile on my face, because i have such a fun time, because i love working with my co-workers. the people there are more accepting. it was like walking into a ready-made family.
i was soooo happy when i started working at this job. way happy!
anyhow, my parents have let off me a bit. they see that i am happy at this new job, that i enjoy this. it's a better job than at burger king. that and i've been working out a bit more and been slightly more responsible.
okay, so.... down to the fun stuff at Busch's!!!!
there's a guy, tyler. he's a cutie, with celery colored eyes... okay! he's majoring in psych, and i think he's going to go get a Ph.D. in that. he's so over-confident and cocky. he's like an older brother.... excepting the fact that i kind of am crushing on him.
there's phil, who's just whatever. he's cute, i guess, but he's kinda.... just whatever. i don't know how else to describe him.
there's joyce.... she's hawaiian. she's like my mamma! she's so pretty and nice. i love her, beacuse she is so sweet. she is my work-mamma, no matter what people say!
oh, goodness, christopher. he's a manager and he's kinda sweet. kinda like an older brother/uncle figure (or father figure) at work. it's cool, i guess. i guess it's because he's a manager. he's supposed to tell us what we're doing wrong and how to fix it. and he's ... well, yea. therefore, right?
there are more on the front end, but i don't feel like going into that right now...
but there's justin. aw, justin! :) he has shoulder length, black, curly hair. brown eyes. straight teeth... a sweet, sweet smile that reminds me of honey. he's tall and lean. kind of quiet, i guess; though he isn't all that quiet with me. he kind of seems like the boy next door type. he's like my favorite chocolate...
so, tyler is my favorite red wine and justin is my favorite chocolate. dude, i'm in heaven at work.
wow. okay, i'm just going to shut up now.
and i guess i am going to bed, because i am tired as all get out.
have a good night, guys.

Friday, 5 October 2012

Phillip Phillips - Home

But some of these songs are amazing!

Thursday, 4 October 2012

Traverse City (last weekend of September

With fall closing in on us, fast and furious, the family went to Traverse City, Michigan over the past weekend. We were right on a lake (not Michigan, one a little more inland, but still breath taking...), and the view was unbelievable... The sunset over the lake was breathtaking.

There was a pontoon boat, and I managed to take my phone with me on the boat. The lake was nearly perfect, almost glass-smooth. It was a picture perfect reflection of the sky.

We had an amazing view from the house.... Who knew that a house could have such a killer view of the lake? I sure as hell didn't. Not once. But this picture (and the live view) sure as hell changed my mind.

This is Grand Traverse Bay, car view. Pretty cool. I've been to Traverse City plenty of times, but I still love seeing the bays!

Fun.: We Are Young ft. Janelle Monáe (ACOUSTIC)

I absolutely love this version of the song. I love the song to begin with, but this is a better version than the original. That's just my opinion. I'd love to meet the lead singer of this band, Fun. He is one of my idols. Of course, I can't sing, so that's out, but still, he's a great artist, and that's what inspires me. I am a writer and anything can inspire me. :) And he is damn fine, so I guess that don't hurt.
But, like I said in my last post, this band is great. If you haven't checked them out yet, do so, because they have some great music. :)
I'mma split, so peace out guys!!! Hope you enjoy this song as much as I do (if you have a moment, also see the original version of this song....)

Wednesday, 26 September 2012

Fun.: Some Nights [OFFICIAL VIDEO]

Some nights, I stay up cashing in my bad luck
Some nights, I call it a draw
Some nights, I wish that my lips could build a castle
Some nights, I wish they'd just fall off

But I still wake up, I still see your ghost
Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for oh
What do I stand for? What do I stand for?
Most nights, I don't know anymore...

I really, really love this song. I feel like this song is the story of my life. At least, I feel like it is. I have heard this song a few times on the radio and I totally fell in love with it. This is currently my favorite song.
I hope you like it as much as I do!!!!

Sunday, 23 September 2012

I am exhausted as all get out right now, but I wanted to write. Yesterday, my cousin got married. It was a beautiful wedding. The ceremony itself was outside, despite the cold. We were at a gun range, though; however, it was still an amazing ceremony. The lake was behind the bride and groom (and the bridesmaids and groomsmen).
My cousin looked drop dead gorgeous in a sleevless gown, the veil pinned up at the back of her head. Her daughter was in a long, white spaghetti strap and very adorable dress (she was the flower girl). She had a crown. Her son was in a cute little tux (he's four) with an orange tie (he was the "ring tiger" because he didn't want to be the "ring bear"!!!). The groom (who's long been considered part of the family and was just as much my cousin as she was, even before the wedding) was in a tux, also in an orange tie. All the groomsmen (and the groom) were wearing high top sneakers.
It was beautiful. Like, amazingly gorgeous.
The reception was totally wonderful. The food was great. The atmosphere was wonderful. We were celebrating the union of two of the most truly wonderful and amazing people. That's all that mattered. We were having a great time. The ceremony was early (4.30 pm), so by 10 pm (latest), maybe half the guests were gone; I was amazed, at 11 that there weren't near as many people as there were around 7. I mean, there was an open bar and everything. I had a few (ahem) mixed drinks and ended up having more alcohol in my system than I've ever had in my system in... well, ever. No, I did NOT get drunk drunk. I got tipsy drunk. I was still in control of what I was doing. Though some of the vaguer,  more minor details I don't remember well, I remember most of the night, enough so, that it's not hard for me to connect the dots.
However, mom left at 8.30 and pretty much the last words she said to me were "Don't get sick and don't get pregnant." Like, seriously, I'm not that irresponsible. And I didn't get either of those.
However, I digress. It was a beautiful night, full of love and happiness and joy. Now, the happily married couple are preparing to go on their honeymoon sometime within the next seven days.
I am just soooo happy that they are married. They are so happy together, they are such a beautiful and wonderful couple. I do wish them the best, many happy years and some amazing, blessed and very fond memories.

Wednesday, 19 September 2012

So, guys, I've started writing a story. It's (hopefully) going to be scary. The beginning is on my other blog, http://charlotteswritingcorner.blogspot.com
Check it out!!!

Wednesday, 12 September 2012

A very big and heartfelt thank you to my guest/co-blogger, Launna, for a beautiful and thoughtful blog post today. I very much appreciate it!
I have a challege for you.... Well, it's one that I have already done, but I am doing it again. Although, it's going to be a little bit more difficult.
Two words... One story. Your own. It'll be unique, as it is from you. Now, I know it's going to be hard, I'm already thinking about two words that I want to use... I got this idea from 2wordstory.com and I found it interesting. Now, I am passing on the challenge on to myself and to you, dear readers.
I am interested and ingtrigued to read what is to come.
Have fun!

Letting Go

Charly asked me to guest post again and I'm honored to do this for her. 

I felt impressed to post about relationships between children and their parents.  This is a difficult one as when your children get older as parents we try hard to hold onto them as children.  It's all in letting go and having faith they will make the right decisions.

We sometimes (almost always) feel inadequate as parents.  So we hold on hoping we can help them make the right choice but instead we suffocate them and make them feel like we don't trust them.  When in all truth that's the last thing we wanted to do.

We as parents need to have faith that we've taught our children to have a moral compass and the rest is up to them.  As long as we have loved them and taught them right from wrong.  There's not much more we can do.

We cannot shelter them from the world forever, otherwise they will not grow to their potential.  We just need to believe in them and love them.  Besides if we do this, when they fail, they will remember that we are their safe place to fall.  Where we will always be there for them.

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable. 

Khalil  Gibran

Sunday, 9 September 2012

Hey, guys!!! I'm not here to write about my days right now (I'll do that when I get home), I'm here to tell you tha I have a new piece on my other blog, My Writing Corner (charlotteswritingcorner.blogspot.com). Check it out!!!

Saturday, 8 September 2012

So, after a three hour drive last night, we're on the other side of the state. South Haven, to be exact. We had dinner after we got in with family friends at the house we are staying at... Which has a lake view of Lake Michigan. After dinner, we went on a walk down the beach to see the lighthouse out here. It was beautiful out, but it was dark, cold and rainy. So, blah.
Anyhow, I'm planning to go down by the beacn and write. Maybe being by the lake and the beach, and being in a different place entirely, will give me some inspiration that I've been lacking recently. It would definately help if I could write something... and didn't have a block. However, I've already gotten some inspiration from the deep, azure blue of the lake, the white-capped waves (in French, white caps are muttons blanche!!! White sheep???? Really?)... the baby blue sky with white, fluffy clouds lazily floating across it. See? There's some poetry there...
I am not looking forward to the three hour drive back tomorrow, but what can I say? It's something that I have to suffer through to be home again, to see my friends... all that good shit.
OH, by the way, I finally have my car back. Thank goodness, I was getting tired of driving my sister's car or walking everywhere. Bah humbug.
Anyhow. I don't know. I'm hoping for a relatively lazy day, maybe going to the downtown district, buying a postcard or two, lazing around at the house, reading and writing at the beach. Things like that. It's a wonderful place, but dad says that this is a vacation...
Speaking of, he said that the whole way here, and last night, when all I wanted to do is go to bed, he said that I had no choice but to go on a walk down the beach with everyone when I was tired from being the one DRIVING out here, in the RAIN and WIND... the wind that kept pushing at the car, the wind that I had to fight all the way here, the rain that the wind made me slip on.... I was the one who went through all that amazing stress, and all I wanted to do at eleven o'clock at night was to sleep.
Whatever, I'll get over it.
Anyways, I'm going to get off here, get the day going the way I planned, hopefully.
Have a great day and a great weekend, if I don't write tomorrow.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012

(God knows that I've tried seeing the bright side, but I'm not blind anymore. -Katy Perry

I don't know how to say it.... But I HAVE A NEW JOB! I don't know if I mentioned it before; as it is, I am just excited that I won't have to be in that hell hole any more... I'm just sad that if I leave sooner rather than later, I might leave before Ashely. And I know that she'll be okay and all. But she's like the older sister I've never had. It's like a comfort. I don't know. Ashely and I are close... And she knows things about me that Laura never knew about me. I'll talk to her about everything that's important to me... and anything that's not. And, quite honestly... her personality, her acceptance of me is something refreshing, something that I didn't get from Laura or anyone else. But I guess... I mean, I don't know. I just don't know if I can consciously leave and know that she's still at Burger King, working her ass off for a job where what she does is only noticed by maybe a small amount of crew and the managers.
But, like I said, she's older than me and she should be okay; well, I hope she'll be okay.
Anyhow, Monday, Tuesday and today, I had orientation and training, all for which I got paid for. So, I'm going to get my first DIRECT DEPOSIT on Friday, next week; I'll still have to pick up a pay stub so that I know how much went into my account, but I won't have to go to the bank, or cash my check... all that good stuff that I have to do at Burger King. I'm getting paid better, I'm working in a better environment. It's all good. I am so happy that I can get out of my old job. Thank God.... It's about damn time; I've been at Burger King for 22 months and it's about time that I get out of there.
Anyhow, withing the past week or so, Helene got herself a boyfriend, about three years older than her. He seems like a nice guy; he's someone she works with, so she's already comfortable with the guy. No qualms there. She seems happy, so I won't say anything; although, there is that little he smokes pot issue, but I don't have problems with that. If you want to smoke pot, go ahead; I can't stop you. It IS your choice to smoke, and smoking pot IS healthier for you than smoking cigarettes or drinking alcohol. What I don't get is that marijuana is illegal, but alcohol and cigarettes aren't...
BUT... Like I said, what you want to do is your choice and I won't make a stink about it, unless you are harming yourself or others around you. I won't stand for that; I would rather see you live by getting a designated driver that see you crash and die... or kill someone else and see you live with that guilt all your life. All that good stuff.
I'm still planning on moving out within the next month or two. Still planning on moving in with Ashely, because she still has her door open. And, quite frankly, that way is so much cheaper than trying to find my own apartment. I'd rather take that route and have the chance to save up more so that I CAN get a better place. But I also have to weigh all my options. Whatever works best for me, right?
I'm still feeling like the black sheep of my family; still feeling like... I don't know, like my family still has problems with me.
About that... Sunday night, my dad made me get my planner from upstairs and right down everything I was doing for the week... and then he went even further and said that I had to get my planner signed every day by my mom. Um... Excuse me? I am twenty years old; I do NOT need someone signing a planner that I write every week. I don't need someone looking over my shoulder every second of the day, making sure that I do everything I say I am going to do. Usually when I don't get to something, I either haven't had the time to do something or I was working all day and I want some time for myself to relax and unwind from the long and very stressful day that I had. How fucking stupid (and really, I am sorry for dropping the F bomb, I normally wouldn't. I don't really want to drop that, but in this case, I think it kind of is called for) is that? I mean, seriously. People, I am twenty years old, not ten. I'm not in elementary school, where both the teachers and the parents had to sign your planner, so they know that everyone agrees and acknowledges what is going on.
It's things like that that makes me not want to be in this house anymore. I'm a grown ass woman, and I decide what I want to do in my life. That means that I don't need every damn body to examine and scrutinize every damn thing I do with my life. Grow up and let me be the person I am meant to be.... Seriously.
Okay, well, I think I'm done rambling about my daily issues, ramblings and thoughts. All of you all have a very nice evening.

Saturday, 25 August 2012

(We're all angels that fall from grace. So, you don't have to hide your face from me. It's the burden you won't lay down. It's the guilt that you carry around. You can see it coming, but somehow you can't seem to avoid it, avoid this. ~Garou)

today was okay, i guess. my cousin had her wedding shower this afternoon and it was pretty fun, i guess. although, five seconds after i walk into the house, i had my other cousin's baby in my arms. and she said that she wasn't surprised, that i was like my mom in that respect (that i'm the baby whisperer... lol. what can i say? something i got right from my grandparents, thanks). anyhow, it was quite an afternoon because it was an almost hour and a half drive to get to where we were going. i didn't get home until six.
however, i was also trying to go out with some people this evening, but i didn't. well. one person. and he was too much of an asshole to text me back. i don't care, i'm watching Zorro! well, it's called The Mask of Zorro, but still. i grew up watching that. i LOVE it.
i was really kind of irritated with my father today. this afternoon, he said that i couldn't go to the wedding shower that i was invited to unless my bedroom floor was clean. hello, first of all, i am twenty years old, and secondly, i was invited. and third of all, i am twenty years old. i totally did not need him to tell me what i had to do before i left for a wedding shower. i also had all day tomorrow to clean my room. and then, all evening, every time i would say something in English, he kept saying "what?" in French. like, dude, it's not like you don't understand English, you've only been in the States for eighteen years, and your wife is American and speaks English as well. ass.
i hate it when he's like that because it irks me. it pisses me off to no end. it makes me want to stick a pointy stick up his ass to make him understand how much of a pain in my ass he is, but he still won't get it. whatever, peole are asswipes and don't know how to treat people right.
i guess that i have nothing to write about.
however, dear readers, i hope you have luck with your six word memoirs, and that i can read a few soon. have a nice night.

Friday, 24 August 2012

(love isn't obligation. it is unconditional.)

there. my six word story. frankly, though, it does seem like the story of my life.
every day, when i am home and not working, it's like... everyone wants me to be this perfect, wonderful and awesome person who does exactly what they want me to do. just for them to love me. i'm just irritated with the fact that i can't be myself. it's... i can't make a mistake without having someone be up my ass about every damn little thing that goes wrong.
i feel like i can't do anything wrong. if i do, then it's like .... it's like that i get ripped apart for something stupid. even when i try my damndest, i get shit for it.
i feel like my family (parents, my sister....) love me because they feel like they are obligated to love me. because i live in the same house, because i'm related to them. but it feels like as soon as i leave the house, that i'll be forgotten... not forgotten, but just a memory from the past. just someone that didn't matter anymore. because i am someone who doesn't matter, i won't be part of this family anymore as soon as i am out of here.
i don't know, i just feel like i am the outsider of the family. i am only loved because i am related to the people in the same house as me, and it isn't all that far. because i work my ass off to be someone here, and it's not good enough.
however, i have a group of friends now who can replace my family. it's like... almost as soon as i am out of my parents' house, i'll step out of one family and step into another. my friend, ashleyy, is like the older sister i never had, that i wish i had. her friends accepted me more easy that any other person i know. it's like a family of people that don't judge, that love each other unconditionally.
i think the difference between my old family and my new "family" is that i don't have to try to be someone i'm not, i don't have to work my ass off to try and do everything perfectly like i have to at my parents' house. my new family... they see me for who i am and they love me. my old family... they see me and see someone who they can mold into what they want, someone they can try to make perfect, in their eyes.
i'm just... i guess i'm so sick and tired of waiting for my parents to be okay with who i am, warts and all. i'm tired of them telling who i can and can't be. i'm ready to have people accept me for who i am, who can love me for me, not for what i can do for them, but what is underneath the mask i wear every day.
i would rather be loved unconditionally for who i am, warts and all, than loved just for what i can do for someone.
... and there's my six word memoir, guys.
have a nice night.

Thursday, 23 August 2012


I have a challenge for all you bloggers. I was on smithmag.net and they were talking about 6 word memoirs. Now, my challenge for all of you is to make a post, the title being your 6 word memoir, and the post telling the story of that. I will do this, however, I don't have a decent 6 word memoir thought up yet. I hope you will rise the the challenge and do something amazing!!! I have faith in all of you.
Good luck,

Monday, 20 August 2012

(que l'amour est violent/mais violent par dedans/l'amour est violent/violent comme un volcan/violent par dedans. ~Garou)

^^that song is amazing. it's called Que L'Amour Est Violent. It's by Garou. i LOVE this song. my grandmother had Garou's CD "Seul" and i inherited it from her when we cleaned her house out over the weekend. i've been listening to a few songs, like this one and Au Plaisir de ton Corps and Je N'Attendais Que Vous. (Translations: Love is Violent, To the Pleasure of Your Heart, and I Only Have Been Waiting for You)
however... i'm pretty damn excited. i have a new job now, thank god. i'll be working at Busch's, and if you all don't know, it's a grocery store. i'll only be working at burger hell-hole king weekends and working during the week at Busch's. and i'm getting my car fixed, hopefully within the next week. hopefully, by the end of the week next week, i'll have my car. i'll be moving out within the next month, most likely. i'll be paying for the car to make it really mine, putting the insurance in my name and the phone in my name. i won't be able to quit the hell hole for a couple months, at least, so that i can do that, but i will be happier now, because i have another job and will be working LESS at burger king. thank god.
anyhow, my parents and i still aren't seeing eye to eye about how i'm living my life. i'm trying to live my life by being me. and my parents are all up in my shit, trying to make me "evolve" into someone they think is an independent person. well, in my eyes, their definition and mine are different. i have two jobs, i am paying a loan i took out to fix my car, i'm getting my car fixed again, i'm trying to do my own stuff, paying out my own bills. dude, and i'm not independent? okay. that's what i thought.
anyhow... now that i know that my days at burger king are numbered, i finally realized that there are going to be people that i'll miss. i won't miss the job, but i'll miss a few people. they are what made working at bk somewhat worthwhile. but... even though i'm going to miss them, i need to get out of there, and thank got it's sooner than later. i've waited too long to get a new job.
anyways, i think i'm going to go to Dairy Queen with my little brother. i told him i'd take him out as a treat. so, i think it's about time for me to get a move on and take him out.
have a nice night, guys!

Friday, 10 August 2012

Words to Live By

don't pass judgement. your life is no better or worse than mine, so you have no right to.
don't act better than everyone. you are no better or worse than everyone else, so who gave you the right to be holy?
don't love out of obligation or love conditionally. you'll just get let down more often than not.
don't be afraid to love with all your heart. even if you get hurt, it's something that makes magic.
take into account what others feel. if you don't, then the only feeling others will have for you is anger.
don't stop someone from being him- or herself. because if you do, (s)he lose him- or herself to be someone else.
don't be afraid of failure. because if you never fail, you never learn.
have a drive. it'll get you places in life that you've never thought possible.
have a friend you can trust and love wholeheartedly. it makes life so much easier.
stop looking at the clock with the time we have left. if you're afraid of dying, you don't have much of a life.
don't be afraid of living. you have so much going for you to not live.
be thankful for all the good things in your life. you don't know what you have until it's gone.
when you fall, get back up. it just tells whatever knocked you down to f*ck off.
live like you are dying. because you don't know how many tomorrows you have left in your life.
don't regret your destination. it's where you are meant to be, even if the journey was hard.

Friday, 3 August 2012

(i'm so tired of waiting for you to say that it's okay. but tell me, please, would you one time just let me be myself, so i can shine with my own light? let me be myself. would you let me be myself? ~3 Doors Down)

^^and frankly, i have to agree with the title of today's post... and my previous post, as well.
it's like... my parents have this, this picture or whatever of how they want me to be. their version of me. you know, what they want me to be. all this shit. and when i am not like this "perfect" version of me they hold in their heads, i'm... i'm not who i am?
okay, well, my parents need to realize that i am never going to be that person they have in their heads. that's who they want me to be. i am not them, i won't ever (EVER) be them. i may have some of their traits or whatever, but i am not my parents. i won't be what they want to mold me into. because that is not who i am. i am not this perfect being that knows exactly what i am doing when, who knows exactly what she wants now, tomorrow and in three years. i know what i want with some vague sense that it will come.
i know i have to work for what i want, i know i need to change the way i do things. but i am not going to be this "perfect version" of myself that my parents want me to be. because, in their heads, i am someone who is just like my parents. i am not like my parents.
i know who i am. i am a creative, loving and empathetic person. i go through life, not neccessarily knowing what i want to do in three years. i know that in the somewhat near future, i want to get out of my parent's house and do some traveling. i know that i not only want, but also need, a new job. i want to be able to be my own damn person without someone over my shoulder, trying to make me into someone i'm not.
i don't want to be molded into someone i'm not. i don't want to be anything like my parents want me to be. i am not their toy or Barbie doll or whatever. i am an individual person, with my own set of values. i have my own take on what goes on, my own opinions, my own feelings. i don't need somoene else's values or whatever jammed into my head. my head is not in sync with my parents' because i don't agree with how they want me to be. i am one person who, i agree, comes from them. but i am my own person.
one person. just one. me. and i don't need people telling me how to be, how to think, how to act... because i know who to be. i need to be who i want to be. and that doesn't include what my parents want me to be, to be honest.
i just think that maybe it's time for me to get out of here and get myself into my own place. because this is getting ridiculous.
have a nice day, guys.

Saturday, 28 July 2012

(lately, i'm so tired of waiting for you to say that it's okay. but tell me, please, would you one time just let me be myself, so i can shine with my own light? let me be myself. would you let me be myself? ~3 Doors Down)

i'm sitting on the floor of the living room, watching the Olympics. fun stuff. i'm also thinking about taking a trip. i don't know when, but i'm hoping soon. i'm hoping to take the train to maybe calif.
but, it's going to be $191.00 for a round trip ticket. and if i am going to get a hotel for six days, it's gonna be, like, $756... which is almost $950... so, i'm gonna want a crap ton of money if i'm staying that long.... that means no wasting money on food and other needless stuff.
so, i change my mind. i'm gonna go for three days. it takes three days to get out by train and three to come back. nine days gone. it's going to be $569 for the train ticket and three nights in a hotel. about. so, i'm going to need between $800 and $900 dollars for other amenities, like food and other things. which seems much easier than over a grand for everything. yup.
so. i don't know if i am going to do it. i just hope i will. sooner, rather than later. ya know? something i want to do, but maybe won't do for awhile.
well, stuff happens. i have to decide soon so that i can by my ticket and rent a hotel room.
i have no idea.
i am ready to move out of my house. i don't know when this will happen. i think this has to happen before my trip to california. because that way, i can figure it out from there. because i can't throw money out on a trip and have to get myself back on my feet to get an apartment, or something. i'd rather get myself on my feet first and get the feel of living on my own before i throw money away on a trip. because that'd be the adult thing to do. right?
that's what i thought.
i think i might do the train trip next year and try to get out of my house by the end of the year. well. hopefully not during the holidays because things like that will go up. rent and all. they'll want more because it's the holidays than any other time of the year.
i guess i'm going to sign off, guys. have a nice day and all.

Monday, 23 July 2012

in case you haven't noticed, my grandmother died. it was two weeks ago this past saturday... she died at home... and i am sooo happy and blessed that i got a chance to say goodbye. my family, all my uncles and a few of my cousins were at her house that day. we watched her die, which was horrible. but i wouldn't give that day for the world because i got a chance to say goodbye.
i ended up going to burger king on my way home (around one am) to get something to drink. i had texted James (a closer, one of my favorites... him and Marino are my Sunday night crew... but that got screwed up, get to that later) when my grandmother died a couple hrs earlier. then about half hour after i texted james, i called burger king up and jesse was working. he ended up telling Marino and James. so, when i came through, they were all telling me they were sorry and whatnot. Marino got me something to drink (sprite) and i asked him for my schedule. we ended up hanging out in the back for awhile, smoking and chilling.
i had to work the next day (two weeks ago yesterday). i ended up working eleven to five... i chilled for awhile then clocked back in at eight and stayed clocked in til midnight. so, ten hours of paid time. but, beside the point. around nine, i had asked Marino to make me a salad. about an hour later, i told him i didnt' know if i could eat it, and he said he was upset. i asked why and he said that he made me food that i won't even eat. so i told him to stop, because i was already not doin' too well. but i knew it was a joke.
i went from way happy to way sad in a matter of half a second. those were my two emotions that night. but... James and Marino handled it well. both are married, both have seen women cry. i cried twice in front of both of them a piece... four times that night. yikes.
so, around midnight, i ate about five bites of the salad that Marino made me and just... threw it out because i knew i wouldn't be able to finish it. i couldn't eat.
jesse ended up drivig me home at around one thirty, after he did some grocery shopping (and bought me a new pack of cigarettes). so, i ended up being home around 2 am... but on the way home, the light was green for us, so we went through the light. there was a guy (and we don't know if he was drunk or high or what) that had run a red light (we were turning left, and oncoming traffic had the red light...). had we been going through the light two seconds later, we would've been hit, on my side of the car (i was on the passenger side). i would've been in the hospital or dead.
i honestly think that my grandmother had something to do with it. my reasoning behind it is that if she weren't, i would've gone to the hospital or been dead.
and these past two weeks made me realize how much i miss my grandmother. it's been kind of rough. i'll go from being okay to feeling empty and hollow, and being sad. and it's even harder for my mom because she just lost her mother, her best friend, her rock...
i'm one of those people who can feel what others are feeling. which makes it harder for me to keep calm when people are angry or stressed, to be happy when others are sad, to be sad when others are happy, etc. so, it's definitely been almost as hard for me as it has been for my mom, because i feel the pain she is in, the sadness she has. and it doesn't help her stress level... so, it's been kind of stressful on top of it all.
but, like i said, i wouldn't trade my grandmother's last day on earth for anything. because i told her how much i loved her and i got to say goodbye.

In memory of Yvonne Oudin (June 13, 1929-July 7, 2012)

Guided by her hand, we go where she leads.
Guided by her love, we go where our love wouldn't take us.
Filled with her strength, we have the strength to do things we've never done before.
Filled with her happiness, we have the happiness we've never had.
With absolute certainty, though our future isn't certain, we have the gifts that she left us with in our hearts, minds and spirits.
With absolute love and happiness that she has left us with, let us go into our futures and let us take our turn.
Let's do her proud.

Monday, 16 July 2012

In Memory of Yvonne Oudin (my grandmother)... June 13, 1929-July 7, 2012

it's in the silence where i miss you most.
it's in the moments alone when i want you near.
it's in the passive seconds when i miss your hugs.
it's in my thoughts and heart where you still live.
it's in the love i hold that i will never forget.
it's in the quiet minutes when i feel you close.
it's in the most hectic moments when i hear your calm voice.
it's in the stressful times when i remember your advice.
it's in the moments of love when i feel your kiss.
whereever i am, whatever i am doing, something will always make me think of you. i love you.

Monday, 25 June 2012

(spending all of the years putting my heart back together. ...daughtry)

i can't sleep, so i decided i wanted to write... at least until i fall asleep. yeah, so this might not be a long post.
so. i don't know. it's been a long day. i worked. i'm still up and i've been awake since 7.30 in the morning. well, maybe i should get some sleep, huh? i guess.
i've been in a funk all day. it might have something to do about last night. i couldn't concentrate, i couldn't do anything right for the life of me. i don't know, but ... i will live. on top of it, i couldn't really say anything without getting into trouble, so i couldn't tell anyone why i've been in a weird mood.
on top of that, i go home after i went to my grandma's house to shower and change and all... and the 'rentals get all over my case about EVERYTHING to the point where i was crying... well, hell, i was already in a mood, i didn't want to have people pissed off at me and make me feel even more like shit. i guess ... i don't know.
right now, though, i just feel... like i'm hollow. for the moment. i just keep hoping that i am dreaming and that i'll wake up in the morning... and everything will be okay. hell, i just want things back to what they were.
it's weird because i can't put how i feel into words and i am QUEEN of words. it seems like that since i heard about this kid quit, life started spiraling downwards. the only good thing right now is that i've got a couple people gettin' me designs for that tattoos i want. and .... here we go. i'm listening to "better than me" by hinder (great song...) and i feel like i'm about to cry again. i've cried twice today, i don't neccessarily want to cry again. i hate falling apart, i hate having to try to hold it together. i just want to stay in a corner and just ... let it go. today has been the longest day in awhile.
but ... i guess tomorrow, after i go to the bank and call the insurance company and fill out some applications, i'll go for some excercise/chlorine theraphy in the afternoon. that will HOPEFULLY help a little. because i don't want to keep feelin' like this... i can't take it anymore. BLAH!!!
well, now that i've written myself to drowziness and to tears (almost), i think i am gonna go to bed.... have a nice night/day!!!
Rollie Pollie

(everyone here knows everyone here is thinkin' 'bout somebody else. ~MATCHBOX TWENTY)

last night was probably one of the most rough nights to work, despite it being MY night crew. one of the kindest, most amazing and sweetest guys had put in his two weeks about two weekd ago, and it nearly brought us all to tears. my face is drying from the myraid of tears i cried on the way to my grandma's house this morning. anyhow, Chris G. walked in last night and was chillin' in the back for a minute and talked to Marino and James, who, obviously, found out first. and then Chris walked up front to where i was and said, "you're gonna miss me, right?" and i asked him what he was talking about and he said that he'd quit. i about had a fit before it hit me.... Chris quit. we were chillin' out by the dumpster for about ten minutes, the three of us in our uniforms and Chris in is street clothes... it was so sad that i thought Marino and James WERE going to cry.... it was so quiet, you'd thought someone died. nope, just the guy who meant enough to people to make them want to cry. i was so upset last night that i was having a hard time taking orders. i had my manager, Jesse, take and hand out some orders. i couldn't do it for a minute. it made me even sadder to see James and Marino the way they were because usually they are both pretty upbeat and everything. and i'm empathetic, so it makes it that much worse. not only did i have to deal with my own sad feelings, but i was feelin' what the crew was feelin' and that made it almost too hard to deal with. we were nearly clear from a rush (maybe two people, tops, in line, waiting for food... not waiting to put in an order) when i told jesse i had to go out for a cigarette before i hit something. i just.... i almost couldn't take it, surrounded by all the sadness going... but by the end of the night, the guys were okay enough to start craking jokes and listen to music (sad music as well as not sad music). when i left, i got hugs from Marino and James. i think part of what it was was that Chris had quit and they were still feelin' down about it... but i always get a hug from Marino. last night, though, it was kinda different. the last hug he gave me ... he held me tight and almost plowed me over.... because he took two or three steps forward, which sent me walkin' backward.
it's still hard, though, when someone as sweet and awesome as Chris leaves. he was probably the most positive and kind hearted people i've ever worked with. even if he was having a bad day, you wouldn't've known it because he was always so positive. and that is going to be hard to work without. but i think we'll learn to live with it and learn from how he was... and maybe try to do the same.
ah, hell, i'm about to cry again, so, i guess i'm done with this post, guys...

Monday, 18 June 2012

(beautiful girl, bless your heart. ~MATCHBOX TWENTY)

I had an amazing weekend.... It was wonderful. Friday, I went to the zoo... Went to the mall Friday night. I spent a little time with my bff Friday night when I came home... Her and my sister. Saturday morning, Laura and I went on a walk and had breakfast together.... She showered and went to work. I made cookies right before she came over on her lunch break. We talked and whatever as I finished making the cookies. We had a grad party to go to, mom and I, when Laura came over on her way to her mom's house to wish her stepdad a happy father's day... Then I went over to her place to spend the night and we stayed up really late and I got up at just after nine. Yesterday, we had brunch for dad for dad's day. We didn't do much more than that for him... I went to work last night... well... I had an interesting evening. This guy (Chris Marino... I call him by his last name. We have three Chris's working...) was way nice. I was complaining how I needed something to eat, so I asked him if he could make me something to eat. And Marino, knowing me, knew what I wanted to eat before I knew... A wrap!! It totally made my night. A few minutes later, he went on break. About ten minutes into his break, Jesse let me leave. I ended up sitting at the same table as Marino, because, really, I had nowhere better to be. We talked and talk came around to moi. He told me what a cool person I am. And James was looking at us funny, so we headed outside so he could smoke... And we continue our conversation. He told me that I was nice, kind, pretty, sometimes obnoxious, but spunky and that I have a good personality. He also said that if he weren't married, he would date me. He figured me out and he did it fast... So, he seems like someone I would want to keep close, I guess. Totally makes me feel better about myself. So, I decided that I am going in for a visit tonight... And have him make me some food again. I was way happy... A guy friend ... And totally platonic. So... This is good. I will enjoy this while I can because Marino is a nice guy. And maybe a good friend.

Friday, 15 June 2012

(everyone here knows everyone here is thinkin' 'bout somebody else. ~MATCHBOX TWENTY)

okay, so i went to the ZOO this morning (first time in ... 6 years). it's been awhile and i had fun. i had a blast. :) it was worth it.
and then... that guy? the one from a few weeks ago? yeah. well, we were "friends" for all of, like, two days. and then last night one of his friends texts me and the text said (i'm paraphrasing...), "Bull (the buttface's last name, not the one texting me) told me your down to screw." so, basically, i got pissed at the one guy (Rob, the buttface...) and told him so. he has yet to text me back. i'm not surprised, he's at work, but he's gonna have to face my anger when he's off. but, in the meantime, i was talking to his friend and he 'splained that they were drunk last night (no excuse for it, though, dammit!). and he agrees with me (i guess, he might just be spewing words from his ass) that Rob is an idiot. psh. i'm just frusterated with crap. like, you say you're going to be a friend, and you pull something like this on me? like, you can't even be enough of a friend to leave me the hell alone? i mean, shit. this is below the belt. i mean, i have better expectations for my friends. and that's why i was hesitant to be friends with him to begin with. because it started on rocky footing to begin with. so, i mean. this kind of ruins it.
and then, today's the first time in weeks that i'm doing something for myself (the zoo and going to the movies later... maybe. if i can get over being mad at Rob and if he's still willing to go, even though i am mad at him) and dad just got really agitated, like, "you aren't going to spend time looking for a job?" like, dad, i did that last week. and this week, i've been doing stuff for my grandma because she went to the hospital monday morning. so, it wasn't like i was on vacation all week. i was making sure my grandma was okay, to see if she needed anything, all that good shit. so, i mean... today is my first time having a break! so, why the hell are you having a hissy fit when i plan something earlier this week for the first day i can plan stuff for? like, really? grow the hell up and let me do my shit. and let me have my goddamn time to be young, because in a few years, i won't have that chance anymore. i mean, shit, dad.
whatever. i'm just really tired and really frusterated, and just a tad dehydrated. *sucks down some water* that doesn't make for a good combination. if i do end up going to the movies, i might just fall asleep. i don't know. i'm just ... i just want the assholes to leave me the heck alone. because it's so, so irritating when they don't. my life is that much more stressful that way.
well, this post is full of irritation and pissed-off-ness. so, maybe i should sign off and post again another day as opposed to spaming the world wide web with my anger. because that doesn't solve anything. what does solve this is confronting the idiot and talking to him. maybe i won't be so angry (and i'm not, not so much any more... i'm not one to be angry for a long time. but if Rob does text me back, i'll make him sweat ... uh, he'll already be sweaty... from work... okay, i need to get my mind off his body and stop liking him... at all.). but yea... i'll make him think i'm still way pissed and then i'll be like "i'm not mad anymore... i'm just testing ya" kind of thing.
psh. i'm so mean.
have a good day, guys!

Sunday, 10 June 2012

okay, so work just called. i'm assuming it's the bitch manager, telling me she's "firing" me for what happened earlier with the other girl. i didn't answer because i knew who was working and i didn't really want to talk to her. i knew that i was trying to do my job (okay, after work, i was still kind of pissed and sent some texts i probably shouldn't have, but i was trying to cover my ass. and if the RM calls me tomorrow, i'll explain to her that's what i was trying to do.). i'm done trying to have to explain myself to people who don't matter. but what irritates me is that she didn't even leave me a voicemail. if it's important, like you firing me, bitch, then leave me a damn voicemail. if i were to get written up, then Jesse (the day manager) would have written me up. i'll take it to the RM tomorrow if that's the damn case. i'm just done with that job. good thing i'm looking now and hoping to be done soon, thank god. i can beat the bitch manager to the punch and quit before she fires me. too bad she can't fire me. sue, the RM, is the only one who can do that.
ugh, who knew jobs got so dang complicated.

(i think i've already lost you/i think you're already gone/i think i'm finally scared now/you think i'm weak/but i think you're wrong/i think you're already leaving/feels like your hand is on the door/i thought this place was an empire/but now i'm relaxed/i can't be sure. ~MATCHBOX TWENTY)

okay, so. what a long day. :/ i was up at seven this morning to get ready for work and i was still, like, ten minutes late. oh, well. i ended up staying almost twenty minutes late, so it's okay. i made up for it. BUT right before i left, this chick (who, mind you, hadn't been working at burger king anywhere near as long as i have and isn't a manager, by the way) bitched me out because i had taken an order and the customer didn't listen to me or the other person on the headset ask her questions about what sizes she wanted her drinks and onion rings. we had both asked multiple times. but the customer didn't listen. so, this girl bitched me out and told me i couldn't do my job right. and then she told me that i HAD to stock the drive thru with cups and lids and shit. like, hello.... first off, you aren't my manager, don't tell me what to do, because i KNOW what to do. and secondly, what the fuck is your problem when i tell you what happened and you dont' listen. grow the fuck up and be the supposed "adult" you call yourself, bitch. you do your job, and i'll do mine, thanks. i mean, really. i'm not below you, i'm not your little bitch, i'm not the person you bitch at when something goes wrong. grow the hell up and do your job and don't worry about me.
i'm dont ranting. it just proves that i do need a new job. UGH.
mom got a new car - a cooper with stick shift. kind of pretty, but i won't drive it because it's a stick. i'm used to the automatic, and i'll stick to that, thanks. (haha, i won't do stick but i'll stick to the... wow.) i kind of like it, though. but i'm more comfortable with my neon (which, by the way, after i pay off the $1850 to mom and dad, i'd've spent $2850 on. i don't want to sell that bitch, i've spent too much money on it to want to. but now, i can say it's worth more. haha.).
i'm tired. i'm done for the day. i want to go to bed. but i need to make sure my grandma eats dinner and takes her meds before i leave her house. that's why i came. to make sure she's okay and all.
well, hell... i'm all out of stuff to say. i'm gonna sign off and maybe have some dinner...

Saturday, 9 June 2012

(oh, written in the stars/a million miles away/a message to the main/oh, seasons come and go/but i will never change/and i'm on my way. ~ERIC TURNER)

okay, sooo....
i don't know. i'm over the one guy. finally. i finally got pissed off at him the other night and bitched (beg my French...) at him about being the asshole that he is. whatever. i'm just done. i'm not changing for anyone.
i've also started talking to someone whom i haven't talked to in months. he found me on facebook and we started talking again... we swapped numbers and have been talking since wednesday. it's nice to catch up.
so. some creepy shit is going down at my local kroger. this forty-something cashier (who thinks i'm a lesbian and i have no intention of changing that any time soon) keeps hitting on me every time i go in. because a forty-something guy hitting on a 20 year old lesbian totally isn't creepy at all. right. don't get me wrong, the guy is kind of decent looking for his age. but he's at least twice my age. and it won't work out. i mean, come on. plus, he's like an old cat lady. he's lonely and has, like, three cats. dood, what are you doing with your life? psh. whatever.
anyhow, i haven't seen the guy i like who works at kroger in who knows how long. :/ i hope he didn't quit or get fired or whatever. that'd be kinda sad.
anyways. my car needs a new transmission... won't be ready until tuesday. $1,850 later, and hopefully my car will run just fine. YAY! i'm so dang excited.
anyhow, sunday is the Roland-Garros (French Open) finals. Rafael Nadal vs Novak Djokovic. it's going to be a great final. Djokovic beat Nadal in the last open they played. hopefully Nadal gets his win here. i'm soooooo excited. lol...
anyhow, sooo... i worked today and got sent home a half hour early... i work again tomorrow from 9 am to to 2 pm. and then i only work to days next week. like, how am i going to pay off my new transmission with that kind of money? i can't, dipshits, so give me some damn hours!!!! what the hell. whatever. i'll live, i hope.
anyhow... well... i don't know. i'm just tired and ready for bed. but not for another little while, at least. right? whatever. i'll live. i have to go home (went to my gma's after work...) and get some stuff done, hopefully go up to the swim club (after i shower) and chill. it's gonna be an awesome (not) night.
okay.... i'm out of here. <3

Tuesday, 5 June 2012

(... like a favorite song. ~ROB THOMAS)

okay, so... like hearing my favorite song on the radio or on my iPod, i like seeing this guy. however, i haven't seen him in over two weeks. right. well, i'm not going to worry because there isn't anything between us. is there? i don't think so... but, i mean, i see him at least once a week if i'm at kroger multiple times in one week. but i haven't in a couple weeks. i'd think one of two things... 1) he got fired or 2) he quit or 3) he doesn't like people? okay, i get that's three but still. i don't know if i should be worried or not. plus... i don't know. i look forward to seeing him when i go grocery shopping (or whatever it is i do when i just go in there and ending up buying one item that i don't neccessarily need...).
what's wrong with this? every guy that i like ends up being an asshole or an idiot or whatever. i don't know. but he doesn't (didn't?) even know i like him. so... what's the deal?
i don't want to dig too much into this in case it isn't anything. because it'll make me look like the idiot. and i don't want to be the idiot. make HIM look like the idiot for ... well, not being at work when i go to the store.
that sounds a bit ... well, not obsessive. just... weird.
but still. seeing him IS kind of like hearing/listening to my favorite song(s). because i feel more relaxed and more happy. even though there is nothing between us AT ALL. well, right now, because every time i've tried to go when there'd be a chance of him working, he hasn't been there. whatever. i just wish that he'd show up at work again. just so, you know, i can obsess about him and keep my cool when i see him. and maybe give him my number (no, let's not break into that corny song... okay, lets!). i know, i know.... i'mma dork. but it's okay. "hey, i just met you, and this is crazy. but here's my number, so call me maybe." i totally want to go up to him with a piece of paper in hand that has my number on it and break into that song (call me maybe ~Carly Rae Jepsen). it'd be totally hilarious.
beside the point. my point is that i want to see him. just to .... i don't know. i guess i just... i want to see him. for whatever reason. and i do hope something comes of this. because i do like him and he seems like a nice guy.
well, i'm going to go. i'm gonna stop talking about just this guy and do something productive with my life.

Monday, 4 June 2012

(everybody's got a place where they belong, like a favorite song. i don't want to be a faded memory. i don't want to be the ghost you can't shake. i want to be the real thing. the world can be so cruel, but i will sing for you this cradlesong all night long. ~ROB THOMAS)

like i just said in the last post, i love this song. </3 my favorite by Rob, i have to admit.
anyways... i think i need to get over this for real. a boy is not going to be my demise. i figure i'm still wanted somewhere and that in the long run, this guy won't be more than just a faded memory by the end of the summer. i mean, if he texts me or whatever, i'll send a text his way. but i won't wait around. at least, i'll try not to. i'll try not to text or call or whatever. i did get a glimpse of a life that i'd never lived that one weekend, but i have to move on. i mean, that was two weeks ago. i won't be a ghost from his past that he can't get away from. i want to be the person he regrets not getting to know.
besides, if i'm still stuck on him, i can't look forward to the new people coming into my life (like there are any right now... but there will be.). i can't enjoy life right now. and right now, i need to focus on being happy and doing me. i can't do that hung up on a guy.
and i already have a new boy in mind. try as i might to hang on just for hope, i won't do that anymore and i'm already moving on (even though there's still a little part of me that might always hold on to that hope...).
the memory has already started to fade, the edges starting to turn yellow. but if i want to be honest with myself, i haven't forgotten how good it feels in his arms. i just have to get over it, because i won't go there again. i won't. it's in the past. done and over with.


anyways, this new boy. he's cute (not on the same ... NO! ..... no comparisons. not to the other guy, at least.). he works at kroger. at least, i think he still does. i haven't seen him there in awhile. but last time i went and he worked, he has asked where i'd been (it had been awhile since i went grocery shopping when this happened). i had been working a lot and hadn't had the chance to go grocery shopping, and i told him so.
even if he is just being friendly, it's nice because nothing's come of it (yet). i hope something does come of it, but if it doesn't, it's nice to have a frienship (acquaintanceship?) with a guy where it's stagnant. even though i do hope for something... because, right now, he's the only guy who notices (or noticed) how long it's been since i've shown up somewhere, he's the only guy who's kept up a continuing conversation with me without stopping right in the middle. he seems genuinely interested in what i say. but it could just be that he's friendly. i don't know. i just hope that something does happen. it'd make me happy.
anyways, i'm going to sign off. i've got to shower and get ready for the day. it's time to face the music. :)

i just LOVE this song.

Thursday, 31 May 2012

(have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone? you're whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone. ~P!NK)

okay, so, i'm not one who usually admits to being that girl who falls apart for every guy. let alone being that girl who does fall apart. BUT i do like this guy enough to be falling apart a little bit. just a bit. but whatever. i'll live.
he's supposed to pay me back the $10 i loaned him, so i'm hoping for a text or something asking me to meet him somewhere. whatever. i just ... i think i need some time to just chill. if he does text me, asking me to meet him up, i'll be like "i thought you were planning on texting me sunday about hanging out... just hit me up then." and just leaving it alone. i don't know. i think that's the best way. you know? i just want.... i don't know, i want to be normal again.
and the past month and a half, there's been enough guy drama that i think i need to just back off and be done with it for a minute. i need to breathe and let things happen. because i'll be happier that way, i guess. i don't know.
let's wait and see how things go. i can't predict the future. i can only hope.

(i only pray you'll never leave me behind because good music can be so hard to find ~ADAM LEVINE)

okay, i don't normally do posts like the last one. but it was so weird and kind of spooky, so i decided to do it, anyhow.
so, monday (being smart), i went to the club and spent several hours in the sun (with no sunscreen). and i got sunburnt (serves me right.). and i went again the day after and got burnt worse, even with sunscreen. yup. amazing. my back is still burnt and hurts, but it's getting better.
but one good thing that will come out of this is the sun tan. ahhhhh.... :)
BUT.... guess what???
after more than a week of pining and hoping and being kind of in a funk, this guy (from a couple weekends back.... you know the one... the one that i got drunk with.) texted me yesterday. he explained that his phone wasn't working right and he'd just gotten it fixed. but, a week before memorial day, we had a conversation and part of it was that, no matter what (how i feel about him, whatever happens, etc), i'd be that friend that'd go to the ends of the earth for any one of my friends, him included. so, last night, he asked me if he could borrow some money for gas. but i only had ten dollars and he said that was good enough and that he'd pay me back tomorrow. whatever. i'm just that kind of person.
but hearing from and seeing him made me sooooo happy. it was like fresh water being poured on my soul. it was ... amazing. i still like him, i still want to be with him. but his friendship means more to me than any of that. i'm just so happy. we talked for a minute last night when i lent him money. and we've been kind of talking today, when he's had a moment from work to text me. we're (well, i'm) hoping we'll hang out sunday.... i would love to. i mean. just to actually hang out as friends. and see what happens. because last time, we started at the end. i want to start from the beginning and see if it will take us anywhere.
i'm just happy to find someone new that i feel like i can be myself with. someone who doesn't know me, someone who won't judge me. but somone i feel like i can be me in front of who i've never known before. and it's been awhile since i could say that. maybe it is because there was some intimacy between us before, maybe because we got drunk together, i don't know. but i think it's going to be easier for me to open up to him that to any other guy and be who i truly am in front of him. because he might mean something to me in the long run. i think he's worth keeping in my life, even just as friends, if nothing else.
well, i have to get to cleaning. have yourself a wonderful day. :)

i am such a dork. :/ lol :)

8th Grade
Boy: I Really Like You; Will You Please Go Out With Me...?
Girl: Yes.
Boy: What?!?
Girl: Yes.
Boy: YES!
*Girl Starts To Fall For The Boy*
*Exactly One Month Later*
... Girl's friend: I Think It`s Time You Two Broke Up.!
Girl: Okay..{Secretly Doesn`t Want To But Is Too Afraid Her Friend Will Hate Her If She Says No.}
... ... ...
Boy: Hey.
Girl: Hi.
Boy: How's it going?
Girl: It's fine.
Boy: What's wrong?
Girl: I think we should break up..
Boy: What..?
Girl: We should break up.
Boy: Why..?
Girl: It`s Just... We Never See Each Other Anymore/:
Boy: I can change that.
Girl: I've never met your family..
Boy: I can change that.
Girl: I just don't feel that way for you anymore..
Boy: I wish I could change that.
Girl: I'm sorry.
Boy: I know.
Girl: I Have To Go..
Boy: Thanks for trying..

{Next day:}
Boy: Hey.
Girl: I'm sorry..
Boy: No I'm happy we broke up I could tell we weren't going anywhere too.
Girl: Okay.../;

{Freshman year:}( 9th Grade )

Girl: (Playing their song) I like him.I have since we first started dating,but I can't tell him;I can't tell anybody.

{Sophomore year:}( 10th Grade )

Boy: (Has A New Girlfriend)
Girl: (Playing their song) I like him...I still do...but I can't tell him,I can't tell anybody.

{Junior year:} ( 11th Grade )

Boy: (Him And His Girlfriend Break Upp)
Girl: I Like You. I Always Have -&&- Always Will!
Boy: I'm Sorry, I Like Someone Else.
Girl: (Runs Away Cryingg.)

{The next day:}
Boy: (Finds a note in his locker)

Note: I Told You I Like You, But I Was Wrong. I Meant I Love You; But You Don`t Love Me. I Wish I Could Change That. I`m Sorry For That Day Back In 8th Grade. I Really Didn`t Want To. I`m Gone Now, I`ve Been Sick For A While Now.. But The Time You Read This I`ll Be In The Hospital On Life Support. I Just Needed To Tell You Before I`m one. I Love You♥ Don`t Forget That!!(:

Boy: (Stares At The Paper For A Long Time And Runs Down The Hall, He Went To Her House, But She Wasn`t Home.)

{The next day:}
Boy: (Goes To The Hospital And Tells The Nurse Who He Wants To See)
Nurse: It seems she checked out yesterday.
Boy: She's better?
Nurse: I'm afraid not. She had cancer and she passed away yesterday. I'm sorry.
Boy: (stares at the floor, he runs out the door and down the street)

{The Next Day, At Her Funeral!)
Boy: (Asks to speak)
Boy: A Few Days Ago I Received A Note From Her. (He Reads The Note) And I Wanted To Tell Her Before She Left That I Loved Her, I Love Her. I Loved Her For A Long Time; And There Is Nothing I Can Do Now.! -Nothing-
All I Can Say Is I Love You, And Now Your Gone.... I Wish I Could Change That.!
Boy: (Starts Crying And So Does Everyone Else.)
The Boy Ends Up Marrying Her Friend Who Told Her To Break Up With Him In The First Place. When He Found Out What She Had Done, He Killed Himself; To Be With The Girl He Really Loves!♥ He Was 28.
Repost Or You Will Have Bad Luck In Love For 28 Years./:
Repost And Somebody Will Tell You They "Love You" Tomorrow And You Will Get Good News Tonight At Midnight:)

they hurt her

After lunch, her teacher announced that the school was holding a fire drill. When the alarm sounded, Carmen and the other students filed out of the classroom and assembled in the yard outside. As the teachers read out the roll call, the gang of five girls decided that this was a great opportunity to embarrass Carmen in front of the whole school during the fire drill. They moved over to where Carmen was standing, near a sewer drain, and began crowding the poor girl, getting in her face and nudging her towards the open manhole.

They pushed her and she tripped over and fell head-first down the manhole. When they saw her falling, the girls started giggling and when Carmen’s name was called out, they shouted "She’s down in the sewer!"

All of the other students began laughing. But when the teachers looked down the manhole and saw Carmen’s body lying at the bottom in the muck and the poop, the laughter abruptly stopped. Her head was twisted around at an odd angle and her face was covered in blood. Worse still, she wasn’t moving. There was nothing any of the teachers could do for her. Carmen was dead. When the police arrived and went down into the sewer, they determined that she had broken her neck. Her face had been torn off when she hit the ladder on the way down and her neck snapped when she landed on her head on the concrete at the bottom.

The police hauled Carmen’s body out of the sewer and sent her to the mortuary. Everyone had to stay behind after school while the police questioned all of Carmen’s classmates. The five girls lied to the police, saying they had witnessed Carmen falling down the sewer. The police believed the girls and Carmen Winstead’s death was ruled an accident and the case was closed. Everyone thought that was the last they would hear of Carmen Winstead, but they were wrong.

Months later,Carmen’s classmates began receiving strange e-mails on their MySpaces. The e-mails were titled "They Pushed Her" and claimed that Carmen hadn’t really fallen down the sewer, she had been pushed. The e-mails also warned that the guilty people should own up and take responsibility for their crime. If they didn’t there would be horrible consequences. Most people dismissed the e-mails as a hoax, but others were not so sure.

A few days later, one of the girls who pushed Carmen down the sewer was at home taking a shower, when she heard a strange cackling laugh. It seemed to be coming from the drain. The girl started to freak out and ran out of the bathroom. That night, the girl said goodnight to her mom and went to sleep. Five hours later, her mom was awoken in the middle of the night, by a loud noise that resounded throughout the house. She ran into her daughter’s room, only to find it empty. There was no trace of the girl. The worried mother called the police and when they arrived,they conducted a search of the area. Eventually, they discovered the girl’s grisly remains.

Her corpse was lying in the sewer, covered in muck and poop. Her neck was broken and her face missing. It had been completely torn off. One by one, all of the girls who pushed Carmen that day were found dead. They had all been killed in exactly the same way and were all found at exactly the same spot. In the sewer at the bottom of the same uncovered manhole where Carmen had met her doom. But the killing didn’t stop there. More and more of Carmen’s former classmates were found dead. It seemed that anyone who didn’t believe that Carmen had been pushed, was eventually found down in the sewer with their necks broken and their faces torn off.

They say that Carmen’s ghost is still on the rampage, hunting down anyone who doesn’t believe her story. According to the legend, Carmen will get you, whether it’s from a toilet, a shower, a sink or a drain. When you go to sleep, you’ll wake up in the sewer, in complete darkness, paralyzed, unable to move, hearing cackling laughter all around you. Then, as you scream in horror, Carmen will come and tear your face off.

So be careful who you bully, because you just might find yourself on the receiving end of the curse of Carmen Winstead.

FACT: About two months later,16-year-old David Gregory read this post and didn't repost it. When he went to take a shower, he heard laughter, started freaking out, and ran to his computer to repost it. He said goodnight to his mom and went to sleep, but five hours later, his mom woke up in the middle of the night from a loud noise and David was gone. A few hours later,the police found him in the sewer, with a broken neck and the skin on his face peeled off.

Even Google her name - you'll find this to be true.

If you don't repost this saying "They hurt her," then Carmen will get you, either from a sewer, the toilet, the shower,or a drain.

Sunday, 27 May 2012

(i don't want to be lonely no more. i don't want to have to pay for this. i don't want to know the lover at my door. it's just another heartache on my list. i don't want to be angry no more. you know i could never stand for this. so, when you tell me you love me, know for sure. ~ROB THOMAS)

what a funk i'm in. yes, i realize it's late. yes, i do know i've never posted this late before. i do know that i haven't written a real post since.... monday. almost a week. but i can't find words for how i feel right now. for the past week. or was it sunday that i last posted? i have no idea. i guess what happened was we wouldn't get attatched. sadly, i kind of did. and now, i'm sitting here, feeling hollow. we've only talked sporadically since monday. but now... i feel like i should just get over it. i know it'd be better. i know that it'd be easier.
i just don't know anymore. i've been weird all week. i guess it's just this whole thing. i am done with it, though. even though i don't know how to let it go. i got a taste of a way of life that seems thrilling and fun. and i shared it with my best friend, her boyfriend and a guy that could have meant something to me. i just want to cry. what good would that do? none. right.
there is another guy that could potentially help me get my mind off this guy. he works at my local kroger. his name is todd. i went in last week to do some grocery shopping (obviously) and i went to the produce to get, well, produce, and he was back there, putting stuff away. he asked where i'd been and i told him that i've been working and hadn't had the time to go grocery shopping in awhile. not another soul noticed or said anything at all like that to me who works there. he might just be friendly, though. i'm just saying that he's been kind of a constant. partly (ok, mostly) because he works at kroger and i go there often enough. and partly because there isn't anything romantic about the relationship (wait, what relationship? there is no relationship....). but whatever. i smile when i see him, without thinking. he's easy to talk to. someone that i might want to get to know.
it's just hope, though... (wow, pretty much that whole paragraph, i hardly thought about the first guy... huh....). hope that it might go somewhere, hope that we could be friends (maybe something more???). hope that maybe ... just whatever. whatever is there right now i don't want to ruin. because it makes my life a little bit easier whenever i see him. because i am truly happy to see him. because he's nice. because ... i don't know.
i just have no idea what to do. i just want to figure this out in the least painful and fastest way possible, thank you. because i'm done with this funky, sad, hollow feeling that's been sitting in my chest most of the week.
well, i'm off to bed. gonna put my volume on my phone ... Laura said she'd text me later. so... yeah. i might just stay up until she does and crash. but i'm not gonna stay here and pour out my sorrowful love life here when i don't have to.
have a good night, guys. you all are wonderful.

Friday, 25 May 2012

Just read the little stories and think of a wish as you scroll all the way to the bottom. There is a message there, then make your wish. No attachment on this one. I'm 13 years old, and I wished that my dad would come home from the army, because he'd been having problems with his heart and right leg. It was 2:53 p.m. When I made my wish. At 3:07 p.m.(14 minutes later), the doorbell rang, and there my Dad was, luggage and all!! I'm Katie and I'm 20 and I've been having trouble in my job and on the verge of quitting. I made a simple wish that my boss would get a new job. That was at 1:35and at 2:55 there was an announcement that he was promoted and was leaving for another city. Believe me...this really works!!! My name is Ann and I am 45 years of age. I had always been single and had been hoping to get into a nice, loving relationship for many years. While kind of daydreaming (and right after receiving this email) I wished that a quality person would finally come into my life. That was at 9:10 AM on a Tuesday. At 9:55 AM a FedEx delivery man came into my office. He was cute, polite and could not stop smiling at me. He started coming back almost everyday (even without packages) and asked me out a week later. We married 6 months later and now have been happily married for 2 years. What a great email it was!! Just scroll down to the end, but while you do, think of a wish. Make your wish when you have completed scrolling. Whatever age you are, is the number of minutes it will take for your wish to come true. ex. you are 25 years old, it will take 25 minutes for your wish to come true). However, if you don't send this to people in 5 minutes, you will have bad luck for years!! Go for it!!!SCROLL DOWN!
 STOP!!! Congratulations!!! Your wish will now come true in your age minutes. Now follow this carefully....it can be very rewarding!!!! If you send this to 10 more people, other than the 5 that you already have to send to, something major that you've been wanting will happen