I hope what I write about life touches you in some way. I hope that what I go through helps you live life a little bit easier. I hope the words written here helps change something for the better. Read on, dear friends. Read on, and help me like I hope I help you.

Friday, 3 August 2012

(i'm so tired of waiting for you to say that it's okay. but tell me, please, would you one time just let me be myself, so i can shine with my own light? let me be myself. would you let me be myself? ~3 Doors Down)

^^and frankly, i have to agree with the title of today's post... and my previous post, as well.
it's like... my parents have this, this picture or whatever of how they want me to be. their version of me. you know, what they want me to be. all this shit. and when i am not like this "perfect" version of me they hold in their heads, i'm... i'm not who i am?
okay, well, my parents need to realize that i am never going to be that person they have in their heads. that's who they want me to be. i am not them, i won't ever (EVER) be them. i may have some of their traits or whatever, but i am not my parents. i won't be what they want to mold me into. because that is not who i am. i am not this perfect being that knows exactly what i am doing when, who knows exactly what she wants now, tomorrow and in three years. i know what i want with some vague sense that it will come.
i know i have to work for what i want, i know i need to change the way i do things. but i am not going to be this "perfect version" of myself that my parents want me to be. because, in their heads, i am someone who is just like my parents. i am not like my parents.
i know who i am. i am a creative, loving and empathetic person. i go through life, not neccessarily knowing what i want to do in three years. i know that in the somewhat near future, i want to get out of my parent's house and do some traveling. i know that i not only want, but also need, a new job. i want to be able to be my own damn person without someone over my shoulder, trying to make me into someone i'm not.
i don't want to be molded into someone i'm not. i don't want to be anything like my parents want me to be. i am not their toy or Barbie doll or whatever. i am an individual person, with my own set of values. i have my own take on what goes on, my own opinions, my own feelings. i don't need somoene else's values or whatever jammed into my head. my head is not in sync with my parents' because i don't agree with how they want me to be. i am one person who, i agree, comes from them. but i am my own person.
one person. just one. me. and i don't need people telling me how to be, how to think, how to act... because i know who to be. i need to be who i want to be. and that doesn't include what my parents want me to be, to be honest.
i just think that maybe it's time for me to get out of here and get myself into my own place. because this is getting ridiculous.
have a nice day, guys.

1 comment:

  1. I think it might be time Carly, sometimes it is all that we need as parents is to see our children mature on their own. I agree... you should most definitely be yourself, don't be molded into what you are not:)