I hope what I write about life touches you in some way. I hope that what I go through helps you live life a little bit easier. I hope the words written here helps change something for the better. Read on, dear friends. Read on, and help me like I hope I help you.

Saturday, 22 December 2012

(I feel you close, I feel you breathe, and now it’s like you’re here, you’re haunting me. You’re out of line, you’re out of sight. […]In our house, I hate that place. Everywhere I turn I see your face. Trying to erase a memory with a flame, and hope that I never see you again. Standing there, in a burning room, you know the end couldn’t come so soon. Now, it’s clear to me the lies you use, the ones that killed me aren’t hurting you. –The Wanted)

Okay, so the day after the world is supposed to end, and I'm still alive; sadly, all the assholes are alive, as well. If we were supposed to have an apocalypse, I'd have at least hoped that the assholes and haters would've been gone today. I guess not.

My mother (witch) decided that the kitchen (which I'd cleaned to near perfection, mind you) was not done to the best of my abilities, that it was still trashed. Right. The only thing that had been wrong was that there were crumbs (hardly, if any) on one of the counters and that her robe was on a chair. And that it is my fault for not having put her robe away. And the crumbs? Seriously? Aren't there always crumbs on a kitchen counter? I mean, honestly, that isn't a big deal – or shouldn't be, anyways. Especially the fact that she had left her robe on the damn chair to begin with. So, the witch says that later today, we're going to talk about my having a deadline to change or moving out. Okay, my thing is, if you can't accept me as who I am, then you aren't really worth my time. If you don't like who I am and try to change me, then you need to clean your house first. Because I try to do stuff and you can't handle the fact that I am not like the "great" person that you are. I am sorry, but you are not great if you try to change someone else before trying to change yourself.

Anyhow, the witch has people over, and I managed to get out of the house for awhile; so, I am hanging out at a local café, typing away my life issues onto my blog. Whatever, I'm not going to sit around her house and bother her and her tennis dorks, as they sit there and gossip about people. Yeah, I know, I am kind of a hypocrite, because I gossip about people (er, just a person – the witch), but it's not constant. It's just to my best friend (Ashley, the older sister I never had), and we talk about the witch a couple times a week, but it's only because Ashley agrees with me that she is a witch. And we aren't hurting anyone.

Granted, I could've done better, I could've been more aware of what's going on, but can't she find a better way to handle the situation? Instead of, you know, bitching at me and screaming at me and just straight up being a witch. Because that doesn't help the situation.

So, anyhow…. I met a guy at work. Well, he works with me at work. He's a cashier. He goes to Michigan State University in East Lansing. He started working at Busch's over the summer and is back for the holiday break, only to leave within the first week of January. His name is Kevin, and he's kinda cute, with his dimples, brown eyes, brown, curly hair…. He's 5'8" or 9", kinda thin, and sorta reminds me of the skater types. But the cute, skater types who possibly surf over summer break. I dunno, I don't think anything is going to happen. He's only around for about 2.5 weeks, and then he's going back to school. Plus, I don't think he likes me. Much. He doesn't like me much. If he does, just as a friend.

Four days until the witch leaves for France, and we'll have 8 days to chill, veg and be happy. 8 days of no parents is probably the best thing that could happen right about now, because I need a break. Seriously. I can't stand having people down my throat all the time like that.

Anyhow, I know I am ranting, I know that I shouldn't do that. But sometimes, it's good to rant. It helps me clear my head a little bit.

So, anyways, I am kind of tired, I am ready for today to just be over. But it is far from over. It's only 1.30 pm and we've got a few hours before I can go to bed. But I just want to sit around and watch movies all afternoon, but the witch has other plans, apparently. Whatever, I think I will live (I think? I know I will, dammit.).

So, I don't know what my mom will say later, I don't know what kind of deadline she is going to make for me, but I think I am just going to take one day at a time and live to make things a little bit better; however, I don't think that it is just me that needs to change. I think everybody needs to change, even if it is a little bit, for the better. And if I have to change to make others realize that they need to change, then so be it, because, frankly, I am so damn tired of everybody saying that I need to change and nobody changing themselves. If my parents see that, then it's a victory, because then, at least, I've proven something to them.

I'm changing!!!

Shit, man. I mean, whatever. If nobody gives a damn whether I change or not, then I am screwed. Because if I change and they don't care, then why the hell did I change? I don't know. And, frankly, I really don't care whether they care if I change or not, because I am changing for me – well, kind of also because they want me to change, but it's not for them that I am doing it.

Whatever, if they can't take me either way, then they're f-ing assholes.

Anyways, I think that maybe … one day I can show them that I am a good person and they couldn't see it now. Hopefully, I can be that bigger person and show them that I can be the better person, as well.

Hopefully, that one day isn't too far off.

Okay, well, I am going to get myself some lunch. Have a great day, guys!


  1. Have an awesome holiday Charly... I am sure we will chat over the break:)

  2. Thank you, Launna. I hope so. I would LOVE to talk to you soon. :)

  3. hi launa
    Tirana aduka blogger from Malaysia visit you.
    Happay new yeaar!