(i don't want to be lonely no more. i don't want to have to pay for this. i don't want to know the lover at my door. it's just another heartache on my list. i don't want to be angry no more. you know i could never stand for this. so, when you tell me you love me, know for sure. ~ROB THOMAS)

what a funk i'm in. yes, i realize it's late. yes, i do know i've never posted this late before. i do know that i haven't written a real post since.... monday. almost a week. but i can't find words for how i feel right now. for the past week. or was it sunday that i last posted? i have no idea. i guess what happened was we wouldn't get attatched. sadly, i kind of did. and now, i'm sitting here, feeling hollow. we've only talked sporadically since monday. but now... i feel like i should just get over it. i know it'd be better. i know that it'd be easier.
i just don't know anymore. i've been weird all week. i guess it's just this whole thing. i am done with it, though. even though i don't know how to let it go. i got a taste of a way of life that seems thrilling and fun. and i shared it with my best friend, her boyfriend and a guy that could have meant something to me. i just want to cry. what good would that do? none. right.
there is another guy that could potentially help me get my mind off this guy. he works at my local kroger. his name is todd. i went in last week to do some grocery shopping (obviously) and i went to the produce to get, well, produce, and he was back there, putting stuff away. he asked where i'd been and i told him that i've been working and hadn't had the time to go grocery shopping in awhile. not another soul noticed or said anything at all like that to me who works there. he might just be friendly, though. i'm just saying that he's been kind of a constant. partly (ok, mostly) because he works at kroger and i go there often enough. and partly because there isn't anything romantic about the relationship (wait, what relationship? there is no relationship....). but whatever. i smile when i see him, without thinking. he's easy to talk to. someone that i might want to get to know.
it's just hope, though... (wow, pretty much that whole paragraph, i hardly thought about the first guy... huh....). hope that it might go somewhere, hope that we could be friends (maybe something more???). hope that maybe ... just whatever. whatever is there right now i don't want to ruin. because it makes my life a little bit easier whenever i see him. because i am truly happy to see him. because he's nice. because ... i don't know.
i just have no idea what to do. i just want to figure this out in the least painful and fastest way possible, thank you. because i'm done with this funky, sad, hollow feeling that's been sitting in my chest most of the week.
well, i'm off to bed. gonna put my volume on my phone ... Laura said she'd text me later. so... yeah. i might just stay up until she does and crash. but i'm not gonna stay here and pour out my sorrowful love life here when i don't have to.
have a good night, guys. you all are wonderful.
XXXOOO,
~Charly