I hope what I write about life touches you in some way. I hope that what I go through helps you live life a little bit easier. I hope the words written here helps change something for the better. Read on, dear friends. Read on, and help me like I hope I help you.

Tuesday, 8 May 2012

(even sun sets in paradise. i'm at a payphone, trying to call home. all of my change i spent on you. ~MAROON 5)

otay (ugh, damn carnies are wearing on me.... i don't care much, they're all cool... and, well, there's a story... it's coming.... just read.)... well. i have been going to the carnival every day it was open (wasn't open yesterday, it rained all day). but it's been fun so far. the last day it's around is sunday. :/ anyhow... saturday, i went to the carnival (of course...) and a carnie asked me for my number. i thought nothing of it, right? it wasn't four days after i ended it with steven and, well, it was just a guy who wanted my number. well, we've been texting and calling each other since saturday. and ... since the carnies didn't have to work... and i got off early from work because we were slow... and some of the carnies came to our burger king... i went to hang out with him. and, well... i went to drop him off at the bunks/mobile homes in a fricking parking lot twenty minutes away and chilled with him there.... and, well. he kissed me. now, i realize that they are leaving monday, and that i won't see this guy ever again but... well, i kind of like this guy. by this time next month, i'll have forgotten about him and moved on. it really won't matter.... but crap. i knew this last wednesday that they weren't going to be around for more than two weeks. why didn't i be smarter? i have no idea. i'm just crazy. and weird. and completely lost my mind.
well, hopefully it won't be the end of this. but... i don't think that i will be able to keep this up. i don't know. i have until sunday to figure this out. thats.... (wednesday, thursday, friday, saturday, sunday) five days from now. i like how i had to count it out, lol. i digress.
i want to keep being with him, but how can we be together? at all? i mean, he leaves monday, and i am left here, all alone, while girls keep throwing their numbers at him. who knows? maybe at another stop, he'll find someone else. i can't stop thinking about that and it might be the reason we won't ever have a real relationship. if we ever have a relationship to begin with.
well, i'm just plain dumb. i better go before i dig myself into a deeper hole. why didn't i learn anything from last year? (last year, a different carnie kind of had a thing for me, but i didn't think too much of it... just thought, hey, cool, a carnie has a thing for me and i kinda like him... but nowhere near to the extent of how i like this carnie... ugh!!!)
XXXOOO, have a good day!!! <3

1 comment:

  1. Don't beat yourself up, we all do off the wall things:) I have done them in the past and learned from them finally ;)