I hope what I write about life touches you in some way. I hope that what I go through helps you live life a little bit easier. I hope the words written here helps change something for the better. Read on, dear friends. Read on, and help me like I hope I help you.

Monday, 23 July 2012

in case you haven't noticed, my grandmother died. it was two weeks ago this past saturday... she died at home... and i am sooo happy and blessed that i got a chance to say goodbye. my family, all my uncles and a few of my cousins were at her house that day. we watched her die, which was horrible. but i wouldn't give that day for the world because i got a chance to say goodbye.
i ended up going to burger king on my way home (around one am) to get something to drink. i had texted James (a closer, one of my favorites... him and Marino are my Sunday night crew... but that got screwed up, get to that later) when my grandmother died a couple hrs earlier. then about half hour after i texted james, i called burger king up and jesse was working. he ended up telling Marino and James. so, when i came through, they were all telling me they were sorry and whatnot. Marino got me something to drink (sprite) and i asked him for my schedule. we ended up hanging out in the back for awhile, smoking and chilling.
i had to work the next day (two weeks ago yesterday). i ended up working eleven to five... i chilled for awhile then clocked back in at eight and stayed clocked in til midnight. so, ten hours of paid time. but, beside the point. around nine, i had asked Marino to make me a salad. about an hour later, i told him i didnt' know if i could eat it, and he said he was upset. i asked why and he said that he made me food that i won't even eat. so i told him to stop, because i was already not doin' too well. but i knew it was a joke.
i went from way happy to way sad in a matter of half a second. those were my two emotions that night. but... James and Marino handled it well. both are married, both have seen women cry. i cried twice in front of both of them a piece... four times that night. yikes.
so, around midnight, i ate about five bites of the salad that Marino made me and just... threw it out because i knew i wouldn't be able to finish it. i couldn't eat.
jesse ended up drivig me home at around one thirty, after he did some grocery shopping (and bought me a new pack of cigarettes). so, i ended up being home around 2 am... but on the way home, the light was green for us, so we went through the light. there was a guy (and we don't know if he was drunk or high or what) that had run a red light (we were turning left, and oncoming traffic had the red light...). had we been going through the light two seconds later, we would've been hit, on my side of the car (i was on the passenger side). i would've been in the hospital or dead.
i honestly think that my grandmother had something to do with it. my reasoning behind it is that if she weren't, i would've gone to the hospital or been dead.
and these past two weeks made me realize how much i miss my grandmother. it's been kind of rough. i'll go from being okay to feeling empty and hollow, and being sad. and it's even harder for my mom because she just lost her mother, her best friend, her rock...
i'm one of those people who can feel what others are feeling. which makes it harder for me to keep calm when people are angry or stressed, to be happy when others are sad, to be sad when others are happy, etc. so, it's definitely been almost as hard for me as it has been for my mom, because i feel the pain she is in, the sadness she has. and it doesn't help her stress level... so, it's been kind of stressful on top of it all.
but, like i said, i wouldn't trade my grandmother's last day on earth for anything. because i told her how much i loved her and i got to say goodbye.

1 comment:

  1. I know how you feel Charly, I saw my grandmother the day before she passed away and I remember turning around just as I was leaving to tell her that I loved her, we did talk the next morning for a few minutes but that was it, I am really grateful I had the day before with her.