I hope what I write about life touches you in some way. I hope that what I go through helps you live life a little bit easier. I hope the words written here helps change something for the better. Read on, dear friends. Read on, and help me like I hope I help you.

Friday, 9 March 2012

I totally love this song, especially right now, when I'm in a funk and kind of going through a bunch of sh*t.
(names've been changed)
i got agitated and frusterated and - to be honest - pissed at a "friend" of mine because every time i would try to make plans with her, she would ignore me or not say anything. but with anyone else, she'd be all over plans. and, as of late, i've been put on the back burner, second to her boyfriend, to her new bff, my sister. i got sick and tired of waiting around for her to decide whether she wants me around. between texting me less, and only hanging out with me when other people are around, and putting conditions on our friendship when we were like sisters... it pushed me to my breaking point. i got so mad that i told her i'm done with the bullshit and to text me when she finally made up her mind. that is, if i really wanted to be her friend, if i gave enough of a shit to say or do anything. but frankly, i hate it when i confront someone and they back down, whether it be in person or on a phone or whatever. and then ... my sister just won't shut up about this chick. "oh, jess this, jess that." "i'm doing this with jess." "oh, i'm stealing jess's whatever." it's like, whatever, i don't care. just don't talk about her in front of me unless you say straight up "i want you to be friends again with jess" or "jess wants to be your friend again, talk to her." just because she's your new BFF (ohmygod, nobody EVER saw that coming!! really?) doesn't mean you have to obssess over her.
everyone says "grow up" or "let go". first of all, how cliche is that? second, come on, it's not like i've heard that before.
i've stopped caring, i have the whole "i don't give a shit, leave me alone" thing going... i'm just done with the bullshit and the drama and and and... that this seems like the best course. i've cared too much, and i've been hurt. now i don't care enough. i'd rather be that way. i've had higher expectations for people, and i've been let down... i have little to no expectations for anyone. now i can't get let down. i've loved enough for four people and i've been taken advantage of. now you have to deserve my love.
it's just how i am now.
I am done. If you want someone to care, don't come to me, because I'll just let you down.
"but I will not forget
the way I feel right now"
be creative. be yourself.

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