will i look back and regret what i did? i don't think so, because i know that this is what i need. right? i hope so...
i took my own advice from yesterday's post and seperated myself. i need the time to take a good look at what's going on, on what's going to happen. and, honestly, i think it's a good thing. i have my life ahead of me, i have my dreams and hopes to put to life. i don't want that kind of distraction right now. it's nice, but right now? i don't think i can handle that extra stuff at the moment.
it's the right thing... right? that's what i thought.
i want to get out of my current job, i want to do something i love with what i love to do (if it's not obvious, then you should be able to figure that out for yourself. i mean, come on... each post is like a whole new chapter in my life!). i want to be someone that i can say i'm proud of. i don't care what other people think of me. because what they think doesn't matter.
frankly, i just think an extra relationship that causes drama somewhere just isn't worth it. i'm not a fan of drama, but i will start sh*t if i need to. because that's just the way i am. and i don't think i'm ready to put myself out there. i don't want to lay out my emotions for some guy (or anyone, for that matter) and get hurt. i'm not going to lie, i've got some great friends, and this guy seems like a great guy. but i'm just not ready to be close with someone i just met. there are some things (some people...) that i'm not willing to trust. but my instincts and intuition (same thing, or two different things, btw???) are telling me to not get too close. and that's what i'm doing.
i can hope, at least...
anyhow, i hope i don't sound mean or selfish (selfish has fish in it... is there really a fish that's selfish??? random tidbits of the day...) or anything, but all of this has been running through my mind since i talked to him last night about how i couldn't involve myself. well, no... not neccessarily involving myself, but getting into something i'm not willing to get into. there we go...
i'm hoping that today at work won't be a nightmare, or something of the like. it's like nobody there has anything to do but to talk about other people and cause drama. i think we should start calling ourselves the Drama Kings &Queens. nobody will want to come get food from us, which will lead us to not have jobs anymore. but this way, i can get away from drama hos and be done with all that stuff. i just want to go up to them and say "don't you have something better to do with your time that talk about other people and what they do with their own lives?" i mean, really.
it's saturday, it's sad and grey looking outside. i'm surprised it hasn't started to downpour yet. or thunderstorm. but something like that is bound to happen later today. not that i mind, because i love rain and thunder and lightning. totally my element.
i've decided that i'm going to make most of what i have and live the life i'm supposed to. i don't want to have regrets because that's not my style. and this whole situation with this guy is part of that. beside the point (who coined that up, anyway?). i'm done with this bullsh*t and this drama. the sooner i can move on in my life, the better. right?
spending time with friends and doing what i love to do are important on my list. because writing and being with friends help keep me grounded. and hopefully something will come of it.
a girl can only dream, right?
right now, my hope is that i can stop thinking about the destination, but enjoy the journey. because you can't enjoy the destination if you don't enjoy the journey. there might be some things you don't like about the journey, some sort of mishap or uphill or bump or wrinkle in the journey, but that's what makes each of us unique... how we deal with what we go through. and honestly? i don't want to be remembered as that person who let life go, or that girl who didn't do anything. i want to sort through my problems, i want to turn out to be someone stronger, i want to be a better person because of the journey my life is taking me on. that is what i hope for everyone else out there, reading this. it's not all about who you want to be or who you are turning out to be, although that is part of the journey - figuring out who you are. it's about what you do during the journey, and how much you learn about yourself that makes you be that person at the destination.
be creative, be couragous and don't let those uphill struggles get you down. pick yourself up and don't look back.