I hope what I write about life touches you in some way. I hope that what I go through helps you live life a little bit easier. I hope the words written here helps change something for the better. Read on, dear friends. Read on, and help me like I hope I help you.

Monday, 30 April 2012

(my heart's a stereo. it beats for you, so listen close. hear my thoughts in every note. make me your radio. turn me up when you feel low. this melody was meant for you. so, sing along to my stereo. ~ADAM LEVINE

so, it's monday... back to the mundane-ness of it all. i'm back home, with my own dog and my family (rolling my eyes.... my dad's being that buttface he usually is when i'm home.... ugh!). i'm back in my own bed with my TEDDY BEAR!!!! (yes, i am twenty years old and still sleep with a teddy bear... but this teddy is real important to me... he's as big as a pillow. my brother got him for me about six years ago, and i totally love him. <3 best christmas give ever. like... ever. if you want to beat it, get me a bigger teddy.) i'm such a dork. :)
anyways, yesterday my parents' friends' daughter celebrated her First Communion and we went to her house after church for some celebrating... (celebrationning... whichever). funness. i also locked myself out of my cousin's house yesterday to realize that i only used the slide-y lock thing on the back door that i managed to open by openning the door and almost chopping my arm in half trying to undo. it was pretty hilarious, if i do say so myself.
and today is monday, like i said. i work 11 to 4. i have tomorrow off. i work 11 to 7 wednesday, 7 to 3 on thursday and 7 to 4 on friday. then 6pm to 12am saturday. like... wait, what? right, i have no idea. but i'm getting one more hour this week than i did last week. not too many complaints. well, i did get 36 hours last week because i made a mistake and said four when i was supposed to leave at three. because i'm a dimwit.
lemme see... steven wants to go out tomorrow night. i don't know what to feel about him anymore. i feel like he and i are friends... not really a couple. even though we are a couple. i don't know if it's fair to him that i'm still with him. especially since my old neighbor broke up with her boy-toy and i'm maybe hoping for something with her. i mean, i really do like her. and despite me denying it, yeah. i do like her. (there, it's out.... can't fight with it now.) and i don't know what i should do about steven. i mean, yea, i've committed to him. but that doesn't change the way i feel about him. i don't know why, but i have more feelings for my old neighbor than i do for him. i don't know how to explain it any more than that. i just... i'm just split between trying to keep it up with steven or ending it with him and going for her. i  just don't know what i should do. i guess i'd be an ass if i left him for her. and i know it's not his fault, but it's not like it hasn't happened to me. and another dilemma is that i don't know if she plays for my team, if you know what i mean. i know, i am an equal opportunity dater (okay, guys, i'm bisexual... suck it up or go home)... but still, i don't know if she'll date me. i know.... just ask. but i mean... is this what a guy goes through when he wants to ask a girl out? well, not exactly, but close, right?
i don't know if she'll like me, i don't know if she'd want to date me... do i stink? am i her type? is there something stuck in my teeth? oh crap.... did i remember deoderant this morning? wait... back on track... if she does like me, how much? just as a friend or does she have a crush on me? ... god, if guys think like this all the time, then i'm glad that i can go either way... but that makes it more difficult, huh? whatever.
well, i gotta go. i have to go to work soon. i also wanna eat something before work so i don't pass out by the end of my five hour shift... so...
have a good monday (haha, funny joke...). love you all. XXXOOO!

1 comment:

  1. Hi Charlotte, very honest post... there is no rush in making a decision but if you don't feel anything for Steven, it just won't happen. I am old enough to know that, If don't feel it immediately, I cannot make it happen. As far as how you feel about your old neighbor, you should just feel her out by hanging out and chatting and see how she feels. You never know... you have to do what makes you happy:)