Celebration of the Autumnal Equinox/Always have meaning in life

In celebration of the Autumn Equinox yesterday, I researched what it meant. Something that came up was to think about and celebrate the meaning of life. To be fair, I know a lot of things are at the end of their yearly life cycle. But on the other side of the same token, we do have the option to still celebrate life as we are and how we live.

What is the meaning of life, though? It's a thought provoking thought. It's whatever YOU want it to be. What do you think you're meant to be on this Earth for? What's your purpose?

I know, in part, that I'm here to help people. I'm a very kind-hearted person. Without a thought, I'm willing to give the shirt off my back to make sure someone else is warm; I would give my last dollar so that someone else can have something to eat. No doubt, I'm way too kind for my own good - I know that I've gotten walked all over because of it. But that's not the reason why I'm so kind to people. The way I look at it is like this - I would much rather struggle myself if, in turn, I can see the person I've helped turn around and be someone successful and happy, someone who has opportunites they wouldn't have otherwise.

Another reason that I'm here is to love. I love unconditionally to those who are closest to me. They say blood is thicker than water. However, I have to disagree with that. Love is stronger than both of those. I have a big heart. I love too hard, too much. But that can be a good thing. I love to the point of fault in hopes that my love gives people at least one reason to wake up in the morning, that I've given someone meaning to their day, their life, the moment they live in. Whichever.

On a final note, I can't help but think of my grandmother when this kind of question comes up. For her, life meant being passionate. It meant to appreciate everything you have. It meant to be happy to be alive, being grateful to have another day, being kind, caring, loving, being the kind of person you're happy to be. It meant to have a life that you're happy to live, with whatever hardships and moments of ease you have. Life also meant spending moments with the family. It was giving love ceaselessly, giving hope, being patient. Giving someone happy, caring, moments in life they can always look on and smile. Life meant joy, in its purest sense.

For me, the meaning of life is all of it. Being kind and loving to a fault, always being passionate about what you do, giving joy and being joyful, being happy, appreciating life and everything that the Universe has given you. It's being compassionate. It's being happy to be me. It's everything that I mentioned in this post.

Celebrate life. Think about your meaning of life and celebrate that. Share your happiness with people you love. Enjoy life. 

Never begrudge the Universe or God the life given to you. Life is fragile. Be kind and be happy. Appreciate the nature around you. 

Because I've been to the point where I've felt like there has been no more meaning in my life and everything was dark. I've been where nobody wants to go - in that dark place in your mind, where you think that you don't want to live another day. Where you think of ways to leave this life, leave the Earth behind, and move on, hoping for a better life next time, or in heaven. 

Always remember the good things you have; always remember your meaning of life. It will give you peace. It will help you live another day. It will make life a little easier to get through if you take the time to think of your meaning.

Have a good day, everyone.

XOX,

Charly

This physically hurts, but...

Green Bay lost yesterday to Detroit Lions, 19-7. Fairly pathetic. Like, really. Where were they? But let's be real... It wasn't as bad as the Thanksgiving lost to Detroit last season at 40-10. That was without Aaron Rodgers - he was out with a broken collarbone (thanks CHI Bears...). This game was WITH Aaron Rodgers, which almost makes it worse.

I called my mom after the game yesterday. I told her that it was a good game and congratulations on her team winning. She said, "That physically hurt you to say, didn't it?" I responded with, "Yeah. I think I died a little inside."
Seriously, it kind of hurt my soul a little bit. I'm a die hard Green Bay fan; Green and Gold 'til I'm Dead and Cold. I'm no fair-weathered fan, jumping on the bandwagon when they're doing well. But it's still hard to see your favorite team lose. Especially when the team that won is the team that a majority of people where live are fans of. And... when you talked crap about that team the whole week up until game time.

Let's be real, though. I did near about cry, though. At one point, right before half time, I think, I got so frustrated that I threw my copy of Dracula against my bed post, huffed, and walked out of the cabin to go eat. Probably not the best reaction to have had, but I mean...

I love my team. So that makes it hard. But there's always next week. Next week is week 4. So we'll be okay. We'll get there. Back into the playoffs again this season. Because that's what we do.

Okay, I'm going to go... Enough wallowing in self-pity...

Life Musings. Games and Fun. Happy Thursday.

So, my brother's birthday is tomorrow. HOLY COW, HE'S SIXTEEN IN LESS THAN TWELVE HOURS!!!!! Why is it that it's okay for us to get older? I miss the bleach blonde, curly haired surfer kids from the Detroit 'burbs. But now he's a young man. I can't believe that he's getting so ... well, not old. He's just gotten older, and I don't know if I am okay with that fact. Can he just not?

I mean, yeah, it's life; we are born, we get older. We learn things, get life experience, all that good stuff. But just the fact that it seems to go by so damn fast. That's what is mind boggling. Like, just ten years ago, I was 12, he was 6... I was in middle school, I think he was in kindergarten... Now, ten years later, he's able to get his driver's license, he's taking the ACT in March, he's able to get a job. He'll be graduating in a year and a half... I don't know where the time went. Honestly... I don't know, I don't normally think about this kind of thing. But it's just that my brother's 16th birthday is just hours away that... it kind of is on my mind, I guess.

So, this Sunday. Green Bay against Detroit. Mom and I are just hashing it out. I keep telling her that GB is going to win and that Detroit isn't going to make it. I keep asking her why she doesn't like GB. I sent her pictures of Aaron Rodgers and Clay Matthews, saying that she can't deny their faces. She comes back and tells me she can deny Matthews anything because she doesn't like him. And maybe he's the reason that she STILL doesn't like the Pack. Note how in the picture below it's GB offense in the foreground. And you can see Detroit defensemen through gaps... AHA!!!

I'm a die-hard Green Bay fan. I have been a fan for ten years and I will be Green and Gold 'til I'm Dead and Cold. I'm sorry, but seriously, GB is an amazing team. My heart forever belongs to the Pack. I'm so fond of that team. Just like how I am with the Detroit Red Wings (ain't that ironic?? I do not like DET Lions, but I'll go for Detroit's hockey team... I do not like green eggs and ham, Sam I Am..... sorry. a moment of sidetrackedness), with Arsenal, with Atletico Madrid and Real Madrid, with the mens' French national soccer team... with any sports team, really.

Okay, well, I'm going to go; we're only in the office for three hours today and I had to try and kill one hour... we have two more left, so UGH.



EFFING STRESS, MAN!

I found out today that there’s been a lot of negative stuff going on, through Pia, Sedarick, Cam, and Yuvi. Apparently, the week that Bill came back from personal emergency leave, he wrote Liz up for having an “attitude problem”, for being distant with the team, and for not doing work in her specialty role. Honestly, she doesn’t have an attitude problem. She’s not distant from any of us. And, to be real, as much as she doesn’t like being media rep, she still does some work. He put in the write-up that he gave Liz a verbal warning the Monday that he got back, when, in fact, he was dead silent in the van to and from work, we all went our own ways when we got to work and to the camp. She never said anything of the effect that he gave her a verbal warning; we would have known if he did, the team is close enough where we can talk about stuff like that with each other; we also trust each other enough where we wouldn’t say anything, anyways. People say that Bill just wants Liz gone, when there’s no reason to have her sent home for anything. He doesn’t have an excuse to send her home.

Let’s be real. If he wants to make a case that Liz isn’t doing her job as media rep, then he should have written me up for not doing my job as PT Coordinator in New York, he would have written Matt up for not being able to do his job in New York. But, as far as I know, he didn’t. He can’t really make a case out of it. I think it’s totally bull that he’s doing that.

Also, yesterday, he texted Jess and me, asking if we wanted to go to Starbucks or Dunkin’ Donuts for coffee or anything. He didn’t text anyone else, just us. It kind of makes me suspicious, because he did something really nice by bringing us to Starbucks, even though he didn’t have to.

I mean, I know that I’m going to run into people like that all my life, at work and otherwise. But, later in life, I’ll be able to go home and relax, not having to worry about that person until the next day, or the next time I see said person. With Bill, it’s 24/7. It’s constant. There’s always something going on with him. It irks me that he puts on this front in front of the other team leaders and his boss. It’s fake, and we, as his team, know better. I think we’re all just frustrated with how he’s been acting and treating everyone on the team. I kind of have to agree. I don’t think it’s particularly fair to us, either. He knows that we’re a great team, a great set of people. We make him look good, even when he drops the ball and acts like crap.

And we’re kind of also irritated with Jess. We all know that Bill picked Jess to be the assistant team leader because he knew she wouldn’t really say anything to him or contradict him. But, as ATL, I think it’s her job to bring to his attention how the team feels, what we’re thinking, how he’s treating us. That he’s showing favoritism towards her. But she doesn’t bring any of that to his attention.

It doesn’t help any that in New York, we had 1-on-1s with Bill, he told us that he didn’t trust anyone but Jess. Yeah, of course, because Jess doesn’t tell you how it is, Jess doesn’t contradict and question everything, Jess trusts you just fine, Bill.

I just think that our whole team is frustrated with everything when it comes to Bill. I kind of have to agree, though. But we only have two more months left in the program. We’ll be in Denver in 50 days. At which point, we won’t really have anything to do with Bill anymore until graduation.

I'm sorry, I'm just super frustrated and unhappy with everything that's going on.

Talk to y'all later.

XOX

Green and Gold 'til I'm Dead and Cold

So, I called my dad last night to tell him that now Mat Debuchy is out with an ankle injury. Arsenal is having such bad luck with their players lately. About a month ago, Olivier Giroud hurt his ankle and had to get surgery. He's out until January. Debuch damaged ligaments in his left ankle and is out for two months. NO! Just NO! I'm shattered and gutted. Two of my favorite players ever both injured.

Moving on.... my dad mention, while we were on the phone, that Green Bay Packers are playing the Detroit Lions. In Detroit. On Sunday. My dad knows that I'm a Pack fan, through and through. I've been so for the past 10 years. And will be all my life. Hence the title of this post. Anyways, my family are all Lions fans. It's going to be 3 - 3 1/2 hours of a no-fly zone. I'm not going to be calling home at all during the game. It's going to be a no-go zone, sorry. Even if I were at home, they'd be watching the game in the living room and I'd be in the basement watching the game. Or we'd all be in the same room, but I wouldn't be talking to them. Only because we are so divided on teams. We can be kind of competitive. It's the same thing with tennis. I love, love LOVE Novak Djokovic, mom and my sister, Helene, love Roger Federer. We all like Rafael Nadal. However, when it comes right down to it, I'd rather have Rafa over Fed and Djoko over both. Mom would have Fed over Djoko and wouldn't mind who won in a Rafa-Fed match.

When it comes right down to it, though, I'd have GB win, every time. My favorite team is Green Bay. My second favorite team every week is whomever plays the Chicago Bears. Although, this past weekend, the San Fransisco 49ers played the Bears. I despise the Niners just as much as I don't like the Bears. But I was pulling for the Niners over the Bears. But the Niners lost. Disappointing. But if GB play San Fran, game over. It's GB, for me. Even though every time we've played San Fran, we've lost.

Pia, a girl on my team, is a Niners fan. And we don't talk on Sundays for obvious reasons. She likes the team I despise and I like a team she doesn't. So, even though we're friends, we don't get along very well when it comes to football. If I had known who her football team was way back in February, I don't think she and I would be friends right now. Let's be real. I judge people based on who their football team is.

Like, we're in Kansas City right now. And it's all about the KC Chiefs. DUDE! I can't root for that team!!! I'm so hardwired to my team that other teams don't really do it for me. Slice open my wrists, my blood comes out green and gold. Look into my mind, it's all about the Packers. Aaron Rodgers is my favorite football player of all time. Clay Matthews and Julius Peppers and Ha Ha Clinton-Dix and ... you know where I'm going with this. Only the best and most attractive people are on the Packers. If only we had Colin Kaepernick from the Niners... Oh, WAIT! We already have an attractive and stellar quarterback... We got Aaron Rodgers. :)

Alright, enough of my raving and ranting and being an intense fan.

I'm gonna Go Back (aha, pun <---- Go Back... GB.... Green Bay.... oh never mind...) to just sitting around and reading at work... because that's my work for the day.

Ciao!

Xoxox, Charly

(For tonight I'm famous. For tonight I'm king. And I will be remembered. For centuries, they'll say, "This man was a hero, a hero of the night. When he was at a party, the party never died." Hey, I'm a little drunk, but I got something to say. Hold your jugs! -The Wanted|We Own The Night)

Okay, so...

What a fantastical weekend! Saturday, I stayed in bed. Well, I got out of bed to do laundry and to eat. But aside from that, I decided to just stay in bed. And Saturday evening, I went out with a group of people to Olive Garden. It was a nice evening filled with laughter and fun.

Yesterday, I pretty much did the same thing. I didn't do anything but stay in bed, listening to music and reading. Again, I only got out of bed to go eat. Saturday night, on the way home from Olive Garden, I asked if anyone wanted to go to the bookstore with me. And a couple people did. So, it was some of the same crew who went out Saturday that went to the bookstore, plus two others. It was nice; especially since I got a much needed new journal and a good book. Ahem... the good book being Bram Stoker's Dracula.

So, I took a chance and stuffed Dracula (the book, not the person... *shudders*) into my backpack and brought it to work. I've been reading it on and off for the past two hours. Honestly, I'm enraptured by it. And I've gotten further into the book than the last time I tried reading it. I saw the movie in full last year and now I actually really want to read the book. I'm going to watch the movie again after I finish the book. Just to see how different or how similar it is to the book.

I love weird books like Dracula, though. It also doesn't really help that I like the supernatural and sci-fi stuff. I mean, let's be real. The House of Night series, Macbeth, Harry Potter. Yes, I'll admit I was a Twi-hard... I did have a few years of being in love with Jacob Black from Twilight... Ugh. Yeah, let's just NOT go there. That wasn't my finest moment. But as for my weird taste in supernatural goodness of vampires (or vampyres, depending on which author you ask) and ghosts and all that whatnot is fascinating. I thoroughly enjoy that kind of stuff.

Luke, my little brother (although, now, he's pretty much six foot tall and a beast), is turning 16 on Friday. Like, would he just PLEASE stop getting older? I'm feeling old and I'm only 6 1/2 years older than he is. Come on, Luke, just stop.

Anyways, today's going by kind of slow, honestly. I'm just ready for today and this week to be over. I go home in two weeks from this Saturday - two weeks already!!! - for a small break. And when I return to KC, we'll only have a month before going back to Denver, CO. At least, this way I can keep my head on straight for only a month. And when we get back to Denver, we'll only have a week and a half before going homeward-bound. Being in Denver, though, we don't really have to see each other after the work day. I'm going to be spending time with people I haven't seen and hanging out with them. And just doing typicaly young adult stuffs. So after travelling back to Denver from KC, that week and a half won't be anywhere near as stressful as it is while we're on our spikes. And I only have to hold out two weeks and five days until I go home.

Okay, soooo.... I honestly don't have much more to write. I've been writing here a lot lately. I feel like the less often I write, the more I have to say. Which is kind of the deal. Maybe I should only write once a week as opposed to three times a week? Leave some substance for my posts, eh?

Okay, well, I'm going to go back to reading Dracula at work for the next 45 minutes or so until lunch time. And then read it through lunch... And come back and read it through the rest of the work day. Because there really isn't anything for me to do at the moment.

Have a fantastical day, loves. XOX,

CHARLY

Inspiration

There's a lot of things that inspire people. Music, art, nature, history, movies, being in programs such as the one I'm in... Although a lot of the aforementioned things inspire me, most of my inspiration came from my grandmother, Yvonne.

My grandma was always such an amazing woman. She was born in France in 1929. When she was ten, World War II started and she had to relocate. Having to persevere in such a difficult time, she helped her family get through such an intense time, emotionally.

Over 60 years ago, young and seven months pregnant, my grandmother and grandfather travelled - by boat! - to come to the United States, after my great aunt convinced them to come. It must have taken so much to come to a country where she didn't know the culture or the language. Not only that, but they didn't have much coming here.

They both worked hard to persevere, once again. With a family to support, they had to work for a better life, not only for themselves, but for their children as well. My grandfather took on several odd jobs before coming to live in Michigan permanently. My grandmother also went to school at Michigan State University for her teaching degree after they did. She taught French. It was something she was passionate about; to teach her culture and maternal language to high school students was something she enjoyed.

It wasn't just all of that, though, with which she inspired me, although that, in and of itself, is a great deal to inspire someone to do everything they can to do their best. My grandmother was always so passionate, so kind and caring. She always had that joie de vivre, always enjoying her life and her family. But most of all, it was her love and patience with me, with all her children and grandchildren that were blessed to have been touched by her. Until she wasn't healthy enough to, with each new member of the family, she made a new stocking for them. She immensely enjoyed having company over and cooking for them, whether they were friends or family - or if it so happened, she cooked for both.

This amazing and beautiful woman was just as much of a mother to me as her daughter, my mom. My grandmother took care of us just as much as my mom did. Babysitting us when we were young, coming over for birthdays, cooking for us whenever we went to her house - sometimes even cooking for us with my mom when she came over - spending time with us over holidays. She was such a prominent figure in my life.

My grandmother instilled a powerful thing in me. It's love and a strong sense of a familial bond. It's being passionate about life, about anything you do. It's being able to touch someone in such a positive way. It's never giving up, even when giving up would be so much easier to do.

I love my friends and family to the ends of the earth, the kind of love my grandmother had for her family. Despite having some issues with my family, family always comes first, no matter what - just like it did for my grandmother. I'm always passionate about what I love, about my life and about anything I set my mind to do. I try to be a positive influence on someone's life, no matter how mean or nasty someone is. Even though I've wanted to go home and leave this program a few times in the past seven months, I didn't give up. I stuck with it because I know that doing otherwise was something my grandmother would never allow. She wouldn't have been happy with it, even if she did respect my decision to leave.

Honestly, I don't think I would have been the same person I am today if she weren't ever a part of my life. She has always been so influential and positive. And for that, I will always love her.

She'll forever be in my heart. I am proud to be her granddaughter, and I'm going to wake up every day, always trying to live the life she would be proud of.

(May our hearts be full like our drinks tonight. May we sing and dance 'til we lose our minds. We are only young if we seize the night. Tonight, we own the night. -We Own The Night|TheWanted)

Okay, so... AGAIN! Back again.

While I sat here, staring at my screen, PRETENDING to work, I was trying to think of something to write about. I wanted to write a creative bit, but I have no creative juices flowing at the moment. And I failed to come up with anything. So, while I sat there, drawing a blank, I was just like... I have this blog, where I can write about things going on in my life... And here I am.

Tomorrow, we kind of have the day off. It's 9/11, so my team isn't coming into the office. Instead, we're going to go volunteer at a food bank for two hours. Then, after we come home, we're doing a couple of service learning activities to try and make up another couple of hours that we're going to miss tomorrow. Honestly, it's kind of ridiculous that they don't have us coming into the office to get our hours. Instead, we're just volunteering and doing other whatever stuffs to make up the hours. Why can't I just take my last personal day tomorrow? Oh, because I was saving that for something important... like, in case I got sick or something.

I was checking the weather today and saw that there's severe weather back home. I really hop everyone back home is safe and being smart and careful if they have to go out. I hope that they don't go out unless they have to. There's severe thunderstorms with the possibility of damaging winds and possible flooding. Like, yikes. Let's hope for nothing like that happening.

Okay, so. I'm planning my second tattoo. This one is going to be on my left shoulder/shoulder blade area. It's going to be the infinity sign with FRA in the bottom right line. I really like the design. And when I thought of getting the tattoo, I was thinking of either on the inside of my left arm or over my left shoulder blade. Frankly, the left shoulder blade stuck with me. Plus, if/when I do get that tattoo there, it's going to be so much easier to hide than the one on my arm. Not that I mind people knowing I have a tattoo; it's just that I know my mom will freak out again if she sees I have another tattoo.

I've just been so bored at work today. But I actually did some work. And I went out to lunch with a few people from another team that's here. I actually did something today, so there's always a plus. It's just that I feel like I'm not being challenged with the work I'm doing, so I keep putting it off and putting it off. Because it's not like it's work; it feels more like just foot work that anyone can do, to be honest.

I don't know what's going on after work today. We're supposed to possibly work out after work, but since it looks like it's about to storm, I don't know if we're actually going to do it. It's looked all doom and gloom all day; I don't think it's going to storm or rain. But just watch it start pouring and thundering real bad just as we get back to our housing. Let's be real; it's a possibility. But I'm probably jinxing it by saying it outloud... or typing it here, which is just as bad. I just saw our local radar, and it doesn't look like there's anything going on here. So, maybe we'll get the chance to work out, after all. And then it'll storm right as we finish, right?

I'm just obnoxiously watching the time now, making it look like I'm busy by typing away here. In reality, I'm not doing any work at all; I just feel very useless. Like I've already mentioned.

So, I don't know if I mentioned in my previous post, but I'm going home in October. It's going to be a great break, especially since it's halfway through our last round. I'm going home for five days. In reality, I'm just glad to get away from everyone on my team. A lot of them have just been pissing me off, honestly. And I'm really getting tired and annoyed with some of their "holier-than-thou" bullshit. It'll be so, SO great to go home, get my head screwed on right, and come back with a better mentality on life. And when I do come back to KC, we'll have just less than a month here before going back to Denver for transition week, our banquet and graduation before we are done with this program for good.

When I first joined this program, I was so glad to get away. It was a way for me to grow up and get more responsible with life. I was so excited to come out and help people, get a different perspective on life, and figure out what I want to do with myself. But now, seven months in, I am so done and ready to leave. I'm so sick and tired of all the unneccessary drama. At this point in time, it feels like all of it gets in the way of work and the relationships amongst the team. Honestly, we do have a bigger team and that does factor into the fact that, yes, we'll have more drama and our team will divide into smaller cliques. But, honestly, the fact that we're a team of eleven shouldn't change the fact that we're supposed to be working TOGETHER, that we're supposed to be at least a little bit close. But nope - we're very divided, people complain about other people way too much, and we don't appreciate each other like we're supposed to.

Granted, I am also the pot calling the kettle black, because I'm not changing anything. But at least I am adult enough to say what's on my mind and let them actually know how I feel. Let's be real though - it's not going to change anything.

Well, on that kind of pathetic note, I'm going to leave. The end of the work day is upon me and I'm ready to just bolt out of here. Have a wonderful evening, enjoy life and stay positive. :)
~Charly

New Musings

I only have a few minutes, so I'm going to have to make this post real quick. :)

Okay, so first, let me just say... there's a new post on my other blog. I'm really proud of it. The story turned out pretty decent. It's on charlotteswritingcorner.blogspot.com so check it out when you have a chance. Thanks...

Now, here we go. I'm going home in October. I took three days to go home. I'm leaving 3 October to go home and coming back to MO on 8 October. I'm so excited; even though I was home about a month ago, it'll still be nice to be home for a bit, about a month and a half before the program is over. The Universe knows how bad I'll need a break then. Just to at least come back with some sanity.

This weekend was kind of eventful. Friday night, most of us went to the 100th anniversary of Union Station in KC, MO. There were fireworks; I almost cried. I missed the fireworks for the 4th of July this year and I was kind of upset about that. But I got to go out Friday and saw an amazing fireworks display. It was amazing. Saturday, I didn't do much. I stayed on camp and watched The Vampire Diaries on Netflix. Just a nonevent; I didn't have any energy to do much of anything at all. Yesterday, though... Two of the ladies on another team invited me to go out with them. We went to the Chalk and Walk at Crown Centre. What that was was there were a bunch of chalk artists who chalked amazing pieces of art in the square. It was beautiful. Then we went to the India Festival, which was an experience in and of itself. We got to experience a little bit of the culture; there was music, good Indian food and performers dancing. I'm glad I got to see it. Last night, I was back on Netflix, watching movies and just lounging in pajamas. I didn't want to do anything else after.

So, after I wrote the piece I put up on my other blog, I got kind of ... I don't know how to explain the feeling. A little melancholy, there was a little bit of longing. Just a lot of thoughts. It's about a place I visited a few times when I was younger in the south of France, right on the Mediterranean ... and about a guy I met there.

I guess part of it has to do with longing to be by the ocean. I've written a few pieces lately, and the ocean factors in all of them. It's like the ocean is flowing in my veins. I can hear it in my head. The salty brine smell is imprinted in my nose again. I can feel and hear it calling to me. Not only that, but I yearn to be close to the ocean again, no matter what it takes for me to get there. I want to answer the call the ocean has to me... to be there and put my heart at peace again.

As for the guy... in the piece I wrote, I purposely changed his name. But that doesn't mean anything. He was the first person I fell in love with. Well, let me re-word that because I met him when I was 14. He was the first person that I loved. Like, not like family, not just as a friend. He was someone I thought about for a long time. It's weird. I haven't talked to him since that summer. And the piece I wrote is more like something that I wish happened with him and me... Something I would like to happen in the near future; moving there and running into him. I wish we had kept in touch.

But that's beside the point. He was my first love. If things had been different... If I had kissed him when he asked, if maybe I wasn't so pushy, maybe if I acted right... Maybe something would have happened. Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if I had kissed him and something had happened between us. Would we be friends? Something more? Would I have saved money and gone to visit him? Would I be living there now, hanging out with him on a day off, doing whatever it is 22 year olds do in the south of France?

I don't know. I guess the Universe had something else planned for me. She put me the on the path I was on to learn different lessons, the right ones. But sometimes I wonder about Her decisions. Like that one, for instance.

It's just something I think about from time to time. And I guess it was what my subconcious was thinking about when I wrote that piece. It was something that, deep inside, I wanted to happen. Maybe in a different dimension, there's a Charly who is actually with this guy. I can honestly say I have no idea.

Forgive me my musings. I just needed to get this out, I guess.

I have to get back to work, though; I've spent more time than I planned writing here.

Have a fantastic day and week, beautifuls. :)

~~~Charly

It's been a long time since I've seen your face... -OneRepublic

It's been about ... well .... four months since I've last posted here. Well, OOPS...
It really has been a crazy four months, though. We had our second round in NYC; that was hectic and crazy. A lot of negative feelings there that I feel have carried over into this round. Which isn't good...
Anyways, after my round in New York, I went home for my second break. We went to the first couple of days of the Cincinati Open, which was AMAZING. I met Gael Monfils. I literally was shaking for about ten minutes afterwards; he's one of my all-time favourite tennis players. Ever. I also got the autographs of the Bryan Brothers, David Ferrer, Fabio Fognini and a few others. Like, my GOSH, I was so beyond starstruck, it was amazing.
I went with my dad to Chicago after that. I got my French passport renewed while there. Which is nice, because I was thinking about moving to France. I hung out while he worked. We went to Navy Pier (which is SO. AWESOME! I've always loved it.) and hung out there for awhile.
After Chicago, I was actually home for about three days. I saw some family and Ashley, who is now 8 months pregnant. I told her she needs to make the baby stop growing. Well, not really. Because she's changed so much since I last saw her in June. The family I saw was cousins who had kids. Renee has two kids, Andrew and Lucy. They've both gotten so big. Again, they need to stop growing because before we know it, they'll be as big as me. Lucy is a year old this month and Andrew is... two? I think. The last time I actually saw her kids was back in December. And Lucy was three months old. Now she's starting to stand up, she's moving... Like, please stop growing kids, I feel so old. I also saw Nicole and her kids. Her three are so cute; they haven't grown as much as Renee's kids, but still. I noticed they're getting a bit taller. Kiana is in the fifth grade, Quinn is in the first and CJ is going into a pre-K program. Like, for real, where has the time gone?
Now, back from break and actually where we're stationed... We're in Kansas City, Missouri, working hard... Well, I'm not, yet. I haven't found a section that wants me yet, so I'm sitting here in contracting, writing my first post here in four months and looking for jobs. Let's be real... Looking for a job is a full time one.
I'm trying to go home in October. There's a French immersion weekend the first full weekend of October every year that I've been a part of since my family moved Stateside. It's for the American Association of Teachers of French; my grandmother was part of it before she passed and my family has been allowed to go. This will be my 20th year attending. If I go home. And I'm pretty sure I'll be going, so. There's that. I had to take my two Life After AmeriCorps days to go and I'm taking one of my personal days so that I can have some time with my family before I come back to KC. I mean, it's not like it'll be forever until I see them again; I'll be home a month and a half later. But it'll still be nice to go home and have a break, especially with all the drama and bullcrap that's been going on as of late on my team.
All the drama.... There's a girl on my team who is kind of... well... she complains a lot. She always tried to one up people. She kind of acts like she's all that. I do know some things about her; we did have a couple heart to hearts back in NYC. So it was nice to kind of get to know her. But now, it's like she's changed a bit. Like she doesn't care as much about anyone else anymore. It's more about herself. Like, grow up. And I feel like she has a problem with me. I kind of want to go up to her and say, "Grow a pair and tell me what your problem is." But I'm a hypocrite and won't do that, either.
And this guy on my team. He's kind of whiny and bitchy. I mean, he has his moments of awesomeness, but when he doesn't get his way, better watch the hell out, because he's one cranky person. Or irritable.
I'm just sick and tired of the division and dislike that's going on on my team. I'm so glad I'm going home next month and that we only have about two and a half months left in the program. Because this shit is making me go crazy. I can feel an emotional breakdown/psychotic break coming. And nobody is going to like me if that happens, because I'll be world's biggest bitch and I'm going to go on a rampage, calling everyone on their shit.
Whatever. Life happens; this is the place to learn how to deal with the situations that life hands you. I'm going to be working with people like this all my life, I'm going to be in similar situations later on in life. This is the place to figure out how to handle this stuff. And I'm trying. I'm trying to get a better handle on things. I've just learned to keep my mouth shut here, and just do my job. Because, that way, there's less of a reason for people to dislike me. There's less of a reason for people to get me in trouble. And less of a reason for people to try and get under my skin.
Anyways...
The Green Bay Packers opened the American football season last night against the Seattle Seahawks. We lost epically against the Seahawks. But they're the Super Bowl champs of last season. And it wasn't that bad of a loss; it was a two possession loss. Which, in hindsight, isn't the worst. It's not like how the Denver Broncos lost to the Seahawks in the Super Bowl. And honestly, it's only the first game of the season.
Gael Monfils lost to Rodger Federer last night, also, in the quarterfinals of the US Open. It was a five set match, so Monfils did put up a hard fight. But Fed is hard to beat. The final for the US Open is on Sunday, for the men's.
BUT France beat Spain in their friendly football match yesterday. So that's good. I'm happy about that; I watched highlights this morning, and it seemed like a fantastic match. So there is one positive about yesterday, sports-wise.
Tonight, I'm going to some Kansas City event. There's going to be fireworks. I'm so excited; I think I'm going to try and hang out with the ladies of the other teams that are here with us as opposed to fake being nice to the people who are being nasty on my team. But I'm excited to go out and have a blast. It'll be so much fun... I hope, anyways.
Then I'm probably going to spend the weekend watching The Vampire Diaries and the US Open men's final. We'll see.
Oh, I got a tattoo about a month ago. It's on the back of my right arm. It's a quote from a book I read, several times, about the French Revolution. Historical fiction, of course. It's "O' dead man, you are dead wrong." The whole quote is "Oh, dead man, you are dead wrong. The world goes on, stupid and brutal, but I do not." I really like the quote and it was banging around my head for the longest time - like six or seven months - before I actually got it. My mom found out when we were at the hotel one night after watching some tennis. My t-shirt sleeve had come up on my arm and the last word was showing, I guess. Mom asked my what it was, and I was like, "I don't know what you're talking about" as I pulled down my sleeve. My brother said it was a tattoo and my mom flipped out. She said, "I can't believe you defiled the body that God gave you."
I rolled my eyes, in typical Charly fashion and went to bed. After she read what my tattoo said.
But mom. Don't you dare pull the God card on me. I don't believe the same way you do. At all. So that doesn't work on me. And second of all, I'm 22 years old, it's MY body and I spent MY money on it. But on that one note, I can understand where she's coming from. I didn't necessarily have the $60 to pay for a tattoo. And it's permanent, so there's that, as well. But I'm HAPPY with it, I LIKE the tattoo. And it is MY body, not hers. Whatever...
She'll get over it. I find it funny that my dad is just as against it, but he accepted the fact that I have a tattoo faster than my mom did. And he seemed more okay with it. My mom will get over herself and move on with it.
Alright, well, there's a life out there that I have to get back to. :) I missed you guys.

Stay classy, stay unique and most of all, stay true to yourself. Have a fantastic Friday and an awesome weekend.