(i don't wanna wait. i just wanna know. i just wanna hear you tell me so. ~~ROB THOMAS)

it's wednesday... two days till the weekend starts, three days till my next shift. two days until my get-together.
this week's awesome. i got called into work last night at eleven o'clock and stayed until a little after two. got me about four extra hours on my next paycheck, which is nice. four more hours of money that i can't complain about. friday is going to be fun. i'm having a monthly get together and people who weren't here last month are going to be here. people i haven't seen in a long time are coming (i hope).
work isn't so insane anymore.... but there is a reason for that. there is someone i am working with who is totally awesome. different that the other people i've been working with. definately someone who helps ease the boredom and the drama-filled norm of Burger King. now, it isn't so mundane. well, we'll see what happens, because i know this might not last very long.
anyways, it's a beautiful day, with the tempurature being in the low eighties, the sun high in the sky, and clear blue skies. great day to be out and about. :D i just love days like today because it means that life seems to drift by a little slower, it doesn't seem as stressful (bull), and nothing can go wrong (bull). but it also is a little bit deceitful because the past three weeks for me have been full of drama.
i hear sunday it's supposed to cool down a bit. it should be in the upper fifties... still warm for this time of year, but i can't complain. this march has been the warmest i can remember.
anyways... i work saturday and it's going to be hell, because i'll be working with management that doesnt like me much. the one good thing about saturday is that i am working with aforementioned person, so we can suffer together and maybe we'll be okay.
anyways, i am going to go and enjoy today's weather while it lasts (it should for the rest of the day, but i don't wanna be on the computer all afternoon).
b.e.c.r.e.a.t.i.v.e. and enjoy life. don't let a moment pass you by.

XXXOOO

(i wanna push you around ~matchbox 20)

it's been a long couple of days. i had pink eye (yuck yuck YUCK!!!!!) and i've been running around for everyone else but myself. fun shit. and i went out last night with a couple of friends. i had fun. we walked around downtown and had dinner at subway and went to Meijer's. i got some stuff to help with my eye infection and they got stuff for st. patrick's day. fun fun.
anyhow, the drama continues, it seems. my ex-friend got herself in the middle of a fight that my sister and i were having (since i mentioned it, i should probably have said it wasn't her place to be getting into anything). she was over and they were going to a dance (wow, my sister chose her over me), and they went to go see my mom at work so they could show her what they were wearing when i dropped off my mom's car, so that she could have a way home. so, that was the reason why i wanted to go out last night. i'm not an ass, i'm not offended, i just need my space. and if she thinks she can encroach by hanging out with my sister and fighting with me, etc., then i don't know why she's trying. i'm done with her bull.
if she thinks she can still push me around and bitch at me for shit, then she's got her head in the clouds. really...
anyways, done and over with that. i'm gonna put that in the past where it's supposed to be.
work all weekend. then the whole week off. i'm trying to have another get together on friday (yesterday was a flop). i hope it's going to be fun. i mean, when i had it last month it was pretty fun. so, i'm hoping that pretty much the same people will be over and chilling and making another memorable night.
my dad is out of town all week, my mom is generally a laid back person about a handful of things. this coming week will be relatively easy-peasy. i'll be working on my book, i'll be hanging with friends, i'll be doing my own thing. i really hope that this coming week will be better than the past month, because i am really getting sick of all that's been going on recently. well, it's only been as good or bad as i've made it (with the help of other people). but this next week will (hopefully) be so much better. i will make it better, better than the past month.
the one cloud that might dampen the next week will probably be... pretty much nothing. i mean, unless my ex-friend wants to fuck something up again. but i won't let her. this is my life and if someone has something against it, they can flake off.
i'm ranting and i really don't want to.
okay, done ranting.
i am feeling real good about today and tomorrow, despite the fact that i have to work, despite that today and tomorrow, we have free fries. lately, saturdays and sundays have become the bane of my existance. i've been working with really good crew and awesome managers. lately, i've been enjoying going to work. something that is entirely new, because usually i hate going to work. but, sometimes, things change. i need to leave fast food, but for right now, it's not so bad.

okay, y'all....
keep being amazing.
XXXOOO

(look at me, i'm sparkling. a firework, a dancing flame. you'll never put me out again, i'm glowing ~katy perry)

okay, so... drama much. are you ready for this?
today i find out that people know something they shouldn't know. evidently, my sister knew and told my family (my little brother told me). it came from the girl who used ot be my best friend. because she was the only one who knew anything about anything that i found out that people knew something that they weren't supposed to. so, when i confronted her about it, she straight up lied to me.
this stuff really makes you think. it really makes you realize who your real friends are.
but just because there is still drama that there shouldn't be from her... just because she is still in my life in ways i don't want her to be... there will always be a part of me that she will never have. she won't take down my pride, she won't have my love, she won't see this new me. she'll "never put me out again" because "i'm glowing."
i have finally come to realize how people could care less about others, about shit and drama. i have become one of those people. i am totally okay with being by myself. i don't need other people to make me who i am. i make myself who i am. i don't know why it took me so long to realize that. but i guess i just needed a life lesson or something to finally make me see something i didn't before.
i'm just sick and tired of the bullshit that should have been over long before now.
"this is the part of me that you will never, ever take away from me." ~katy perry

~~~

(everyone here knows everyone here is thinking about somebody else[..]i'm lonely now)

here i am, wednesday morning... it's going to be a beautiful day. normally, i'd have someone to share a good day with. normally. but a friend of mine of like four years and i aren't friends anymore. and i'd be out with her, on a good day. since our friendship ended... not so much.
not gonna lie, though, my life seems better without her. i've washed my hands clean of her. and frankly, i have friends who are better than she was for the last couple months of our friendship. so, really, i didn't really lose anything. nothing at all.
i am a bit different now that i was. more closed off, more ... i wouldn't say standoff-ish, nor would i say a snob. i'm just more distant. i'm more bitter at home, more ready for a fight.
but that's a different story. home... i'm ready for a fight because i feel like i have to live the life of someone i'm not and it's not fair. i am who i am and i don't want someone to change it. especially my parents. i don't want to change for people who should love me for who i am, for people who should support me for whatever i decide to do, for people who shouldn't want to change me.
i know i sound spoiled, i know i sound like a brat. but it's how i feel. i don't like being boxed in. i don't like having to follow rules i don't think are fair. i don't want to be sculpted into someone i am not. because that isn't who i am. i am passionate, i am creative, i have a big personality, and to be boxed in and tied down the way i feel like at home... it just makes me more and more bitter, more and more distant and closed off. like i was after ending my friendship with my "best friend". only i am moreso now than i was before.
i want to break all bonds that hold me here. i want to lift my anchor. i want to sail away into the sunset. i wish that my bonds to the most important people - my very best friend, tabby, my other very good friend, kim, my grandmother - weren't so strong so that i could leave. but right now (disincluding the fact that i have no money), that is the biggest reason why i haven't left yet.
XXXOOO
"everyone here hates everyone here for doing just like they do
and it's best if we all keep this quiet instead
and i couldn't tell
why everyone here was doing me like they do
i'm sorry now
and i don't know how
to get it back 2 good"
~Matchbox 20

I totally love this song, especially right now, when I'm in a funk and kind of going through a bunch of sh*t.
(names've been changed)
i got agitated and frusterated and - to be honest - pissed at a "friend" of mine because every time i would try to make plans with her, she would ignore me or not say anything. but with anyone else, she'd be all over plans. and, as of late, i've been put on the back burner, second to her boyfriend, to her new bff, my sister. i got sick and tired of waiting around for her to decide whether she wants me around. between texting me less, and only hanging out with me when other people are around, and putting conditions on our friendship when we were like sisters... it pushed me to my breaking point. i got so mad that i told her i'm done with the bullshit and to text me when she finally made up her mind. that is, if i really wanted to be her friend, if i gave enough of a shit to say or do anything. but frankly, i hate it when i confront someone and they back down, whether it be in person or on a phone or whatever. and then ... my sister just won't shut up about this chick. "oh, jess this, jess that." "i'm doing this with jess." "oh, i'm stealing jess's whatever." it's like, whatever, i don't care. just don't talk about her in front of me unless you say straight up "i want you to be friends again with jess" or "jess wants to be your friend again, talk to her." just because she's your new BFF (ohmygod, nobody EVER saw that coming!! really?) doesn't mean you have to obssess over her.
everyone says "grow up" or "let go". first of all, how cliche is that? second, come on, it's not like i've heard that before.
i've stopped caring, i have the whole "i don't give a shit, leave me alone" thing going... i'm just done with the bullshit and the drama and and and... that this seems like the best course. i've cared too much, and i've been hurt. now i don't care enough. i'd rather be that way. i've had higher expectations for people, and i've been let down... i have little to no expectations for anyone. now i can't get let down. i've loved enough for four people and i've been taken advantage of. now you have to deserve my love.
it's just how i am now.
I am done. If you want someone to care, don't come to me, because I'll just let you down.
"but I will not forget
the way I feel right now"
be creative. be yourself.
~~~

I only heard this song for the first time today and totally fell in love with it. It's such a good song. :D I don't know why, but I just love Rob Thomas. His songs are always just great.

Nickelback- When We Stand Together

I love this song. it's so totally true. we always say we want to change, but don't do anything. try to change the status quo, be that someone who was different.