Okay, guys.... I'm trying to move out of my parents' house by the end of the week. Ashley is going to (thank God & the Universe) let me stay at her place for a couple weeks until I can save up some cash to get myself a place to stay. I'd never thought that this would happen. But it is....
A few days ago, my mom pretty much called me a lying, stealing, self-serving bitch that really doesn't care about anyone but myself (hence, the self-serving part...). I just laze around all day and eat their food, feeding them bullshit about what I do on a regular basis. Okay, that's not neccessarily what I do. I mean, I work, I go to school, I do my homework. And then they have all these expectations for me and want me to meet them, but think so low of me. It's like.... What a f**king contradicition, man. It's not all about what you want me to do and how you want me to live my life. It's MY life.
So, on Sunday, we had a "discussion" on how they want me to live my life while I lived in their house. They want me to render my paycheck to them every week, keep the room that I live in hotel room perfect and the car I drive showroom spotless. So, I don't have much to live on. They say they are going to spend $600 on me. But I don't see how, when I'm going to pay then $470 a month for shit ($57 goes to paying the loan, which comes out of MY BANK ACCOUNT, assholes!!!!!!!) like having the right to live in the room that they gave me (that they want fucking spotless all the fucking time), like letting me drive a car that they NEVER use (still..... showroom fucking perfect. dude, that's a ten year old car, it's not ever going to be showroom clean again....), and food. They are going to give me $130 dollars as gas and spending money a month... Which, mind you, is only going to go to gas, because gas prices are fucking ridiculous right now. If I put $30 a week for four weeks, that's $120 a month.... Retards, I won't have anything for spending money. Are they STUPID???
I mean, I guess that is more of an incentive for me to keep my shit together. But... That doesn't change the fact that they won't let me keep the money that I work for in order for me to get out of their house. Do they want me to get out of their house or stay here for the rest of my life, forever paying them for room and board (and my whole fucking life????? I don't owe them that... Sorry.)? They won't let me be my own person, they won't let me do what I want and need to do with my own money.
I guess I am not a parent and I don't see their point of view. But I feel like they are also very overbearing in what goes on in my life. They want me to do everything that they want me to do. But I can't do that because I am not them. Why don't they get the fact that I could never be like them? That I'll never, ever have their point of view on everything? That I am not their fucking puppet in this thing we call life? That they do not have the right to control me the way they do?
I dunno, I just wish that someday something will hit them upside the head and make them realize that I am not their carbon copies. I have a different view on everything. I am so sick of the fact that they think that they think that they can fill me to my very soul and think it's okay, that I'll get over it because I will be more like them.
Whatever, "mom" and "dad"...
Rant over. For now. I'm sure I'll be coming back by the end of the week with them all over my case about not being home at all anymore, about why I moved out (huh, that's so hard to figure out), about how I won't ever have any money (shit, I don't know why, maybe because they're STEALING it all from me).
Okay, I'm really done now... On to fangirling...
I'm discovering more music by The Wanted, their beats dropping into my ears. Hopefully, that will make me feel better, because the whole world fucking sucks. But The Wanted's songs make me feel good. If I discovered them earlier, I think I would have been in a better place in mind and soul. Because, to me, their music is just that good... To me.
I found this quote on Twitter the other day and it said "I am a fangirl and I cannot do calm." Frankly, I have to agree. I never do calm (obviously, see above RE:Rant). I feel like I am a little bit calmer when I hear The Wanted, but only because I am such a fangirl. I can think a little clearer when I hear their voices.
Well, I mean... I guess it's just me. Because nobody else in my family likes The Wanted. Well, my dad says he likes their voices, that their voices are powerful. But he isn't a fan to the extent that I am (obviously; he can't fangirl.).
Okay, well, I am going to bed. I am tired. I have to work tomorrow and figure out a game plan on as to getting myself a place to live. I think I can try to work it out with the 'rentals that if they let me save up my paycheck so that I can move out (and pay them $100 for insurance and the phone) by the end of the month or halfway through next month. Which would be a good bargain, I guess.
I will leave y'all with a quote: "Promise me you'll stay the way you are. Keep the fire alive and stay young at heart." ~The Wanted
Lots of love from my neck of the woods of TWFanmily,