(sad eyes follow me, but i still believe there's something left for me. so, please, come stay with me. 'cause i still believe there's something left for you and me. ~CREED)

I'm sitting in class, with a minute before we start. Yeah, I'm skilled. Actually, I got here about five minutes ago. But I'm sitting here, ready to give the prof my undivided attention. Undiveded, since, well, I'll be doing other things but keeping an ear on what she's talking about. So I actually know what she's talking about. And that I learn something.

Anyways, so, today is a work on homework day. I guess I'm just going to write here for now, and do my homework later, up in the library, after class. I can get a lot done in just an hour's time, and I'm planning on staying after class for an hour, anyhow.

As much as I would like to be home taking a nap... Right? As soon as you are done with what you need to do, you aren't as tired.

Whatever. I'm just sitting here, typing away, with not much to say. I guess I should have waited until this evening to post, but since I started one this morning, I think I should just go with it.

Omygoodness, I just read that The Wanted are releasing a music video for a song that they already have a music video. It comes out Tuesday next week. I am going to watch it as soon as I can get on it Tuesday night. I am soooo excited, because, as you all know, The Wanted is my favorite band.

Anyways, I don't know, I guess I just got really bored and started blabbing about useless things. Because that's what I do when I am bored....

Well, I am going to go, I'll post again later tonight. If something happens.

Have a good day, guys.

~Charly

(The memory of being here with you is one I'm going to take my life through. 'Cause some days stay gold forever. ~THE WANTED)

I am dead beat tired, but I wanted to post before going to bed.

I had a long day, and I am very glad that it is very much close to being over. I went to the gym this morning, then went to go pick up dry cleaning for my dad (who is leaving tomorrow to go to Florida for five days, isn't he lucky?), then came home for an hour and cleaned my room (which is already starting to be  a mess again...) before I went to go to the bank, then to pick my brother up from school and then go to lunch with the family. And then, I came home to drop my brother off at home, got my wallet, then went to work. I worked until seven, went grocery shopping for dinner, came home, had dinner, then cleaned the kitchen.

I finally got the chance to relax after... I'm so happy that I'm relaxed now. I just have to get up for school tomorrow, and that's it for my day. :) I am so happy.

Anyways...

I am finally starting to be really happy. At work, anyways. I'm starting to feel accepted with some of my co-workers. Even though it's just the stock boys. There are a handful of them that are pretty cool. Kris, Syd (who's bought me champaign for New Year's), Paul, Justin (and everybody seems to agree that he and Kris look like brothers; although, since Justin recently got his hair cut, they look more like cousins now), Christian (who I've never really talked to, but seems to be taking everybody's lead, anyhow)... They are all pretty cool people, despite the fact that they are all guys. But I feel like guys aren't as bad of drama queens as girls are. It's like a group, and initiation is having Syd like you or something. I dunno, that sounds weird because Syd isn't even grocery manager or anything. I guess it's because he's been there longest.

Anyways, my point is, I feel acceptance, even though it's not the department that I work in. Every time I walk into my place of work, I mostly talk to the grocery department people (a.k.a. stock boys) and a couple of the guys in the produce department and a couple of the guys in Deli. They all know me and talk to me. Even if I don't say anything to them right away, they'll talk to me and I feel better for it. You know, happier. My day is better. And that's all I need. :)

So, I guess I am going to bed now, I am falling asleep at the keys...

I hope you guys all have a good night. :) I may or may not post tomorrow while I am in class, I haven't decided yet. If I don't, then have an amazing day tomorrow. Have an amazing weekend, if I don't post before then, either.

~Charly

(I was lost 'til I found you! -THE WANTED)

Wow, I haven't written in awhile. Sorry, guys, I've really dropped the ball. Yikes...

I'm sitting here in class, with the first part of my homework done. It's due in two weeks. I am going to finish it later this week, but I wanted to start is so that I knew that I knew what I was doing. If that made any sense. So, instead of doing classwork, like I'm supposed to be doing, I'm chilling and writing on my blog. Which I could be doing in my spare time.

Uh-huh, like I've been one to follow the rules down to a T. Plus, I am using my own damn computer, so I don't think it matters. I was playing Reversi and was on Facebook while the prof was lecturing in class. What else am I supposed to do when I already know what the teacher is lecturing about?

So, I'm about 4 weeks and 4 days from being 21 and 5 weeks and 4 days from my party. I am soooo excited because I've got something planned, I can (almost) legally by alcohol for myself ... or other people. Plus, I got a handful of people to come bowling with me for my birthday, so good on me.

Oh, if you couldn't figure it out, yes, I am back in school. Finally. I am sooo happy because it's finally something to do. Aside from going to work, that is. It gives me something else to do during the week. And weekends, when I don't have anything to do, I'll be doing homework. Aaahhh, it's good to be back in school... I've missed it enough.

Okay, well, class is almost over (I have fifteen minutes), but I'm thinking about leaving. The prof doesn't take attendance, so, pretty much, whenever she is done lecturing, I can leave whenever I feel like it. I need to hang around when she lectures, so that I know what I am doing. Sounds like a plan. I get what I need from the prof to do the work and I can spend the rest of class doing whatever (including homework).

Uh huh.

Anyways, I'm happy right now. At least, I think I am... I'm trying to think through the fog in my head, and it's not working out too well. Maybe I should get mor sleep. *rolls eyes*

Okay, so, I am going to go, I've got to go to the bank and get some gas. I hope you guys have a good day and good rest of the week!

~Charly

Dreams

I feel safe

While I dream

I am happy

While I dance on moonbeams

 

I am happy

Dancing in the stars

Nothing can go wrong

Here, I don't have any scars

 

I am taken away

While I dream

I am blown away

By all the moonbeams

 

I have never felt so breathless

My heart hasn't stopped this much

Nothing here is haunting me

Not even a negative touch

 

All day, I dream about your touch

But all night, I can have it

In my dreams

Nothing can stop it

 

I can have all the good

I want at night

Even though I can't have it during the day

But here, nothing can bite

This is the band that I love. They are The Wanted (a couple of their songs have been titles of some of my blog posts). From left to right: Tom, Nathan, Siva, Max and Jay
They are quite amazing. Well, in my opinion, they are amazing. With some great music. But then again, if you don't like boy bands, you might not like them so much.

(I feel you close, I feel you breathe, and now it’s like you’re here, you’re haunting me. You’re out of line, you’re out of sight. […]In our house, I hate that place. Everywhere I turn I see your face. Trying to erase a memory with a flame, and hope that I never see you again. Standing there, in a burning room, you know the end couldn’t come so soon. Now, it’s clear to me the lies you use, the ones that killed me aren’t hurting you. –The Wanted)

Okay, so the day after the world is supposed to end, and I'm still alive; sadly, all the assholes are alive, as well. If we were supposed to have an apocalypse, I'd have at least hoped that the assholes and haters would've been gone today. I guess not.

My mother (witch) decided that the kitchen (which I'd cleaned to near perfection, mind you) was not done to the best of my abilities, that it was still trashed. Right. The only thing that had been wrong was that there were crumbs (hardly, if any) on one of the counters and that her robe was on a chair. And that it is my fault for not having put her robe away. And the crumbs? Seriously? Aren't there always crumbs on a kitchen counter? I mean, honestly, that isn't a big deal – or shouldn't be, anyways. Especially the fact that she had left her robe on the damn chair to begin with. So, the witch says that later today, we're going to talk about my having a deadline to change or moving out. Okay, my thing is, if you can't accept me as who I am, then you aren't really worth my time. If you don't like who I am and try to change me, then you need to clean your house first. Because I try to do stuff and you can't handle the fact that I am not like the "great" person that you are. I am sorry, but you are not great if you try to change someone else before trying to change yourself.

Anyhow, the witch has people over, and I managed to get out of the house for awhile; so, I am hanging out at a local café, typing away my life issues onto my blog. Whatever, I'm not going to sit around her house and bother her and her tennis dorks, as they sit there and gossip about people. Yeah, I know, I am kind of a hypocrite, because I gossip about people (er, just a person – the witch), but it's not constant. It's just to my best friend (Ashley, the older sister I never had), and we talk about the witch a couple times a week, but it's only because Ashley agrees with me that she is a witch. And we aren't hurting anyone.

Granted, I could've done better, I could've been more aware of what's going on, but can't she find a better way to handle the situation? Instead of, you know, bitching at me and screaming at me and just straight up being a witch. Because that doesn't help the situation.

So, anyhow…. I met a guy at work. Well, he works with me at work. He's a cashier. He goes to Michigan State University in East Lansing. He started working at Busch's over the summer and is back for the holiday break, only to leave within the first week of January. His name is Kevin, and he's kinda cute, with his dimples, brown eyes, brown, curly hair…. He's 5'8" or 9", kinda thin, and sorta reminds me of the skater types. But the cute, skater types who possibly surf over summer break. I dunno, I don't think anything is going to happen. He's only around for about 2.5 weeks, and then he's going back to school. Plus, I don't think he likes me. Much. He doesn't like me much. If he does, just as a friend.

Four days until the witch leaves for France, and we'll have 8 days to chill, veg and be happy. 8 days of no parents is probably the best thing that could happen right about now, because I need a break. Seriously. I can't stand having people down my throat all the time like that.

Anyhow, I know I am ranting, I know that I shouldn't do that. But sometimes, it's good to rant. It helps me clear my head a little bit.

So, anyways, I am kind of tired, I am ready for today to just be over. But it is far from over. It's only 1.30 pm and we've got a few hours before I can go to bed. But I just want to sit around and watch movies all afternoon, but the witch has other plans, apparently. Whatever, I think I will live (I think? I know I will, dammit.).

So, I don't know what my mom will say later, I don't know what kind of deadline she is going to make for me, but I think I am just going to take one day at a time and live to make things a little bit better; however, I don't think that it is just me that needs to change. I think everybody needs to change, even if it is a little bit, for the better. And if I have to change to make others realize that they need to change, then so be it, because, frankly, I am so damn tired of everybody saying that I need to change and nobody changing themselves. If my parents see that, then it's a victory, because then, at least, I've proven something to them.

I'm changing!!!

Shit, man. I mean, whatever. If nobody gives a damn whether I change or not, then I am screwed. Because if I change and they don't care, then why the hell did I change? I don't know. And, frankly, I really don't care whether they care if I change or not, because I am changing for me – well, kind of also because they want me to change, but it's not for them that I am doing it.

Whatever, if they can't take me either way, then they're f-ing assholes.

Anyways, I think that maybe … one day I can show them that I am a good person and they couldn't see it now. Hopefully, I can be that bigger person and show them that I can be the better person, as well.

Hopefully, that one day isn't too far off.

Okay, well, I am going to get myself some lunch. Have a great day, guys!

[Somebody hit me in the head… oh, yeah, it’s almost Christmas]

One week until the big day. Yup, it's almost Christmas, guys. And hopefully, this next week will be less stressful (emphasis on less.). I think that it should be, because my dad leaves for France tomorrow. I will be working this evening, so I won't see much of him. My mom follows him a week after he leaves (yea, he is gone for Christmas; I don't know if I should be happy or sad, but it will definitely be less stressful without him around….). I think that it will be good for them to be away for awhile. If not for their mental health, then for their relationship. But they come back the 3^rd of next month, so I mean, it won't be like they're gone for the whole winter season, or anything.

I am hopefully done with my Christmas shopping, although I do have a week if I need to get anything for anyone else. I might get small things for everybody; you know, stuff to put in their stockings (well, shit, my dad is opening his gifts this evening, and I didn't get him shit. Oh, well, I think he'll live). At least, I can get small stuff for everyone else. I got stuff for my sister (earrings, a fragrance mist and a book) and I got my mom some scented lotion. However, it'd be nice to get my brother something, even if it is small. For my dad, well, I can email him a poem or something, seeing as to I am pretty good at writing (if I do say so, myself.). See? Despite my anger, I can still do something nice for them.

So, anyways.

Despite not having my grandmother for Christmas this year, I think that we're going to be okay. I mean, she isn't here with us physically, but she certainly here with us in spirit. She wouldn't want us to be sad that she isn't here. If she were here, she'd scold us and tell us that it is Christmas, that we shouldn't be sad, but merry and that it isn't about her being gone. It's about us spending time with one another and being happy to be in each other's company. And that was the lesson that my mom and grandmother tried to instill in us for so long. Although, when we were younger, I don't think we care; we were more into our presents than spending time with one another.

I am hoping that after this week, things will get better. I mean, Christmas seems more stressful than it should be (for crying out loud, people, I don't know why you're so stressed during the MOST HAPPIEST TIME OF THE DAMN YEAR!!!!!), so, I guess that might have something to do with how stressed out my parents are. But I think that us kids do need to do a little bit better with our responsibilities and how we act. Granted, my sister is turning 17 in almost two weeks, I am 21 in less than two months and my brother is just 14, but we are old enough to know better. But it doesn't help that our parents think that it is okay to set parameters on how they think we should act and be and, and, and…. You know? But, I mean, if we respected the fact that we live in their house and acted a bit better, they wouldn't be as stressed, especially during this time of year.

Whatever. Merry Christmas, mom and dad, for realizing something that you've been trying to beat into our heads for the past few years. You know, you hear something enough, you learn it. Like I said, whatever.

But on the other side of that token, should they have the right to act like they do when something doesn't go their way? Because we're their kids, is there some set of rules that we don't know about that allows them to get this stressed and angry at us whenever we don't do something right? Should we be following what they want down to a t to make them happy?

We're their kids, yes. But do they own us? I don't think that's how it goes. Yes, we are their kids, but I don't think that gives them the right to get pissed at us for doing something wrong. I mean, life tests us so that we learn lessons, right? So, why don't they let us learn our lessons without their reservations and fears?

They don't want us making the same mistakes they did, and I get that. But still. We can't learn what is right for us if they don't let us do that for ourselves. Or am I wrong in thinking that? I don't know, I'm just writing and rambling, hoping that an answer will smack me in the face.

Okay, senseless babbling is over. I have to get some shit done before I go to work in about an hour and a half.

Well, I mean, in a minute.

I mean, I like to randomly type (or write). Because sometimes things seem more in perspective after I write it out. Or maybe I can get some perspective from other people. Who knows? Right?

So, anyway…

… is it already Tuesday? No way, I am not ready for the rest of the week. Ugh. Whatever, I will live, right?

Okay, so the siblings are home and I think the dog needs to go out, so I'll leave with this.

Have a great day (and week, if I don't write again this week.).

I hope that you and yours have a wonderful, happy, blessed Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanza, Yuletide, and whatever holiday you celebrate this holiday season.

And don't forget to tell your mother, father, grandparents, daughters, brothers, sons, sisters, aunts, uncles and cousins that you love them, because you don't know how long you have with them. And, oh, yeah, it's the holiday season!!!! J Have a great one.

~Charly