Celebration of the Autumnal Equinox/Always have meaning in life

In celebration of the Autumn Equinox yesterday, I researched what it meant. Something that came up was to think about and celebrate the meaning of life. To be fair, I know a lot of things are at the end of their yearly life cycle. But on the other side of the same token, we do have the option to still celebrate life as we are and how we live.

What is the meaning of life, though? It's a thought provoking thought. It's whatever YOU want it to be. What do you think you're meant to be on this Earth for? What's your purpose?

I know, in part, that I'm here to help people. I'm a very kind-hearted person. Without a thought, I'm willing to give the shirt off my back to make sure someone else is warm; I would give my last dollar so that someone else can have something to eat. No doubt, I'm way too kind for my own good - I know that I've gotten walked all over because of it. But that's not the reason why I'm so kind to people. The way I look at it is like this - I would much rather struggle myself if, in turn, I can see the person I've helped turn around and be someone successful and happy, someone who has opportunites they wouldn't have otherwise.

Another reason that I'm here is to love. I love unconditionally to those who are closest to me. They say blood is thicker than water. However, I have to disagree with that. Love is stronger than both of those. I have a big heart. I love too hard, too much. But that can be a good thing. I love to the point of fault in hopes that my love gives people at least one reason to wake up in the morning, that I've given someone meaning to their day, their life, the moment they live in. Whichever.

On a final note, I can't help but think of my grandmother when this kind of question comes up. For her, life meant being passionate. It meant to appreciate everything you have. It meant to be happy to be alive, being grateful to have another day, being kind, caring, loving, being the kind of person you're happy to be. It meant to have a life that you're happy to live, with whatever hardships and moments of ease you have. Life also meant spending moments with the family. It was giving love ceaselessly, giving hope, being patient. Giving someone happy, caring, moments in life they can always look on and smile. Life meant joy, in its purest sense.

For me, the meaning of life is all of it. Being kind and loving to a fault, always being passionate about what you do, giving joy and being joyful, being happy, appreciating life and everything that the Universe has given you. It's being compassionate. It's being happy to be me. It's everything that I mentioned in this post.

Celebrate life. Think about your meaning of life and celebrate that. Share your happiness with people you love. Enjoy life. 

Never begrudge the Universe or God the life given to you. Life is fragile. Be kind and be happy. Appreciate the nature around you. 

Because I've been to the point where I've felt like there has been no more meaning in my life and everything was dark. I've been where nobody wants to go - in that dark place in your mind, where you think that you don't want to live another day. Where you think of ways to leave this life, leave the Earth behind, and move on, hoping for a better life next time, or in heaven. 

Always remember the good things you have; always remember your meaning of life. It will give you peace. It will help you live another day. It will make life a little easier to get through if you take the time to think of your meaning.

Have a good day, everyone.

XOX,

Charly

This physically hurts, but...

Green Bay lost yesterday to Detroit Lions, 19-7. Fairly pathetic. Like, really. Where were they? But let's be real... It wasn't as bad as the Thanksgiving lost to Detroit last season at 40-10. That was without Aaron Rodgers - he was out with a broken collarbone (thanks CHI Bears...). This game was WITH Aaron Rodgers, which almost makes it worse.

I called my mom after the game yesterday. I told her that it was a good game and congratulations on her team winning. She said, "That physically hurt you to say, didn't it?" I responded with, "Yeah. I think I died a little inside."
Seriously, it kind of hurt my soul a little bit. I'm a die hard Green Bay fan; Green and Gold 'til I'm Dead and Cold. I'm no fair-weathered fan, jumping on the bandwagon when they're doing well. But it's still hard to see your favorite team lose. Especially when the team that won is the team that a majority of people where live are fans of. And... when you talked crap about that team the whole week up until game time.

Let's be real, though. I did near about cry, though. At one point, right before half time, I think, I got so frustrated that I threw my copy of Dracula against my bed post, huffed, and walked out of the cabin to go eat. Probably not the best reaction to have had, but I mean...

I love my team. So that makes it hard. But there's always next week. Next week is week 4. So we'll be okay. We'll get there. Back into the playoffs again this season. Because that's what we do.

Okay, I'm going to go... Enough wallowing in self-pity...

Life Musings. Games and Fun. Happy Thursday.

So, my brother's birthday is tomorrow. HOLY COW, HE'S SIXTEEN IN LESS THAN TWELVE HOURS!!!!! Why is it that it's okay for us to get older? I miss the bleach blonde, curly haired surfer kids from the Detroit 'burbs. But now he's a young man. I can't believe that he's getting so ... well, not old. He's just gotten older, and I don't know if I am okay with that fact. Can he just not?

I mean, yeah, it's life; we are born, we get older. We learn things, get life experience, all that good stuff. But just the fact that it seems to go by so damn fast. That's what is mind boggling. Like, just ten years ago, I was 12, he was 6... I was in middle school, I think he was in kindergarten... Now, ten years later, he's able to get his driver's license, he's taking the ACT in March, he's able to get a job. He'll be graduating in a year and a half... I don't know where the time went. Honestly... I don't know, I don't normally think about this kind of thing. But it's just that my brother's 16th birthday is just hours away that... it kind of is on my mind, I guess.

So, this Sunday. Green Bay against Detroit. Mom and I are just hashing it out. I keep telling her that GB is going to win and that Detroit isn't going to make it. I keep asking her why she doesn't like GB. I sent her pictures of Aaron Rodgers and Clay Matthews, saying that she can't deny their faces. She comes back and tells me she can deny Matthews anything because she doesn't like him. And maybe he's the reason that she STILL doesn't like the Pack. Note how in the picture below it's GB offense in the foreground. And you can see Detroit defensemen through gaps... AHA!!!

I'm a die-hard Green Bay fan. I have been a fan for ten years and I will be Green and Gold 'til I'm Dead and Cold. I'm sorry, but seriously, GB is an amazing team. My heart forever belongs to the Pack. I'm so fond of that team. Just like how I am with the Detroit Red Wings (ain't that ironic?? I do not like DET Lions, but I'll go for Detroit's hockey team... I do not like green eggs and ham, Sam I Am..... sorry. a moment of sidetrackedness), with Arsenal, with Atletico Madrid and Real Madrid, with the mens' French national soccer team... with any sports team, really.

Okay, well, I'm going to go; we're only in the office for three hours today and I had to try and kill one hour... we have two more left, so UGH.



EFFING STRESS, MAN!

I found out today that there’s been a lot of negative stuff going on, through Pia, Sedarick, Cam, and Yuvi. Apparently, the week that Bill came back from personal emergency leave, he wrote Liz up for having an “attitude problem”, for being distant with the team, and for not doing work in her specialty role. Honestly, she doesn’t have an attitude problem. She’s not distant from any of us. And, to be real, as much as she doesn’t like being media rep, she still does some work. He put in the write-up that he gave Liz a verbal warning the Monday that he got back, when, in fact, he was dead silent in the van to and from work, we all went our own ways when we got to work and to the camp. She never said anything of the effect that he gave her a verbal warning; we would have known if he did, the team is close enough where we can talk about stuff like that with each other; we also trust each other enough where we wouldn’t say anything, anyways. People say that Bill just wants Liz gone, when there’s no reason to have her sent home for anything. He doesn’t have an excuse to send her home.

Let’s be real. If he wants to make a case that Liz isn’t doing her job as media rep, then he should have written me up for not doing my job as PT Coordinator in New York, he would have written Matt up for not being able to do his job in New York. But, as far as I know, he didn’t. He can’t really make a case out of it. I think it’s totally bull that he’s doing that.

Also, yesterday, he texted Jess and me, asking if we wanted to go to Starbucks or Dunkin’ Donuts for coffee or anything. He didn’t text anyone else, just us. It kind of makes me suspicious, because he did something really nice by bringing us to Starbucks, even though he didn’t have to.

I mean, I know that I’m going to run into people like that all my life, at work and otherwise. But, later in life, I’ll be able to go home and relax, not having to worry about that person until the next day, or the next time I see said person. With Bill, it’s 24/7. It’s constant. There’s always something going on with him. It irks me that he puts on this front in front of the other team leaders and his boss. It’s fake, and we, as his team, know better. I think we’re all just frustrated with how he’s been acting and treating everyone on the team. I kind of have to agree. I don’t think it’s particularly fair to us, either. He knows that we’re a great team, a great set of people. We make him look good, even when he drops the ball and acts like crap.

And we’re kind of also irritated with Jess. We all know that Bill picked Jess to be the assistant team leader because he knew she wouldn’t really say anything to him or contradict him. But, as ATL, I think it’s her job to bring to his attention how the team feels, what we’re thinking, how he’s treating us. That he’s showing favoritism towards her. But she doesn’t bring any of that to his attention.

It doesn’t help any that in New York, we had 1-on-1s with Bill, he told us that he didn’t trust anyone but Jess. Yeah, of course, because Jess doesn’t tell you how it is, Jess doesn’t contradict and question everything, Jess trusts you just fine, Bill.

I just think that our whole team is frustrated with everything when it comes to Bill. I kind of have to agree, though. But we only have two more months left in the program. We’ll be in Denver in 50 days. At which point, we won’t really have anything to do with Bill anymore until graduation.

I'm sorry, I'm just super frustrated and unhappy with everything that's going on.

Talk to y'all later.

XOX

Green and Gold 'til I'm Dead and Cold

So, I called my dad last night to tell him that now Mat Debuchy is out with an ankle injury. Arsenal is having such bad luck with their players lately. About a month ago, Olivier Giroud hurt his ankle and had to get surgery. He's out until January. Debuch damaged ligaments in his left ankle and is out for two months. NO! Just NO! I'm shattered and gutted. Two of my favorite players ever both injured.

Moving on.... my dad mention, while we were on the phone, that Green Bay Packers are playing the Detroit Lions. In Detroit. On Sunday. My dad knows that I'm a Pack fan, through and through. I've been so for the past 10 years. And will be all my life. Hence the title of this post. Anyways, my family are all Lions fans. It's going to be 3 - 3 1/2 hours of a no-fly zone. I'm not going to be calling home at all during the game. It's going to be a no-go zone, sorry. Even if I were at home, they'd be watching the game in the living room and I'd be in the basement watching the game. Or we'd all be in the same room, but I wouldn't be talking to them. Only because we are so divided on teams. We can be kind of competitive. It's the same thing with tennis. I love, love LOVE Novak Djokovic, mom and my sister, Helene, love Roger Federer. We all like Rafael Nadal. However, when it comes right down to it, I'd rather have Rafa over Fed and Djoko over both. Mom would have Fed over Djoko and wouldn't mind who won in a Rafa-Fed match.

When it comes right down to it, though, I'd have GB win, every time. My favorite team is Green Bay. My second favorite team every week is whomever plays the Chicago Bears. Although, this past weekend, the San Fransisco 49ers played the Bears. I despise the Niners just as much as I don't like the Bears. But I was pulling for the Niners over the Bears. But the Niners lost. Disappointing. But if GB play San Fran, game over. It's GB, for me. Even though every time we've played San Fran, we've lost.

Pia, a girl on my team, is a Niners fan. And we don't talk on Sundays for obvious reasons. She likes the team I despise and I like a team she doesn't. So, even though we're friends, we don't get along very well when it comes to football. If I had known who her football team was way back in February, I don't think she and I would be friends right now. Let's be real. I judge people based on who their football team is.

Like, we're in Kansas City right now. And it's all about the KC Chiefs. DUDE! I can't root for that team!!! I'm so hardwired to my team that other teams don't really do it for me. Slice open my wrists, my blood comes out green and gold. Look into my mind, it's all about the Packers. Aaron Rodgers is my favorite football player of all time. Clay Matthews and Julius Peppers and Ha Ha Clinton-Dix and ... you know where I'm going with this. Only the best and most attractive people are on the Packers. If only we had Colin Kaepernick from the Niners... Oh, WAIT! We already have an attractive and stellar quarterback... We got Aaron Rodgers. :)

Alright, enough of my raving and ranting and being an intense fan.

I'm gonna Go Back (aha, pun <---- Go Back... GB.... Green Bay.... oh never mind...) to just sitting around and reading at work... because that's my work for the day.

Ciao!

Xoxox, Charly

(For tonight I'm famous. For tonight I'm king. And I will be remembered. For centuries, they'll say, "This man was a hero, a hero of the night. When he was at a party, the party never died." Hey, I'm a little drunk, but I got something to say. Hold your jugs! -The Wanted|We Own The Night)

Okay, so...

What a fantastical weekend! Saturday, I stayed in bed. Well, I got out of bed to do laundry and to eat. But aside from that, I decided to just stay in bed. And Saturday evening, I went out with a group of people to Olive Garden. It was a nice evening filled with laughter and fun.

Yesterday, I pretty much did the same thing. I didn't do anything but stay in bed, listening to music and reading. Again, I only got out of bed to go eat. Saturday night, on the way home from Olive Garden, I asked if anyone wanted to go to the bookstore with me. And a couple people did. So, it was some of the same crew who went out Saturday that went to the bookstore, plus two others. It was nice; especially since I got a much needed new journal and a good book. Ahem... the good book being Bram Stoker's Dracula.

So, I took a chance and stuffed Dracula (the book, not the person... *shudders*) into my backpack and brought it to work. I've been reading it on and off for the past two hours. Honestly, I'm enraptured by it. And I've gotten further into the book than the last time I tried reading it. I saw the movie in full last year and now I actually really want to read the book. I'm going to watch the movie again after I finish the book. Just to see how different or how similar it is to the book.

I love weird books like Dracula, though. It also doesn't really help that I like the supernatural and sci-fi stuff. I mean, let's be real. The House of Night series, Macbeth, Harry Potter. Yes, I'll admit I was a Twi-hard... I did have a few years of being in love with Jacob Black from Twilight... Ugh. Yeah, let's just NOT go there. That wasn't my finest moment. But as for my weird taste in supernatural goodness of vampires (or vampyres, depending on which author you ask) and ghosts and all that whatnot is fascinating. I thoroughly enjoy that kind of stuff.

Luke, my little brother (although, now, he's pretty much six foot tall and a beast), is turning 16 on Friday. Like, would he just PLEASE stop getting older? I'm feeling old and I'm only 6 1/2 years older than he is. Come on, Luke, just stop.

Anyways, today's going by kind of slow, honestly. I'm just ready for today and this week to be over. I go home in two weeks from this Saturday - two weeks already!!! - for a small break. And when I return to KC, we'll only have a month before going back to Denver, CO. At least, this way I can keep my head on straight for only a month. And when we get back to Denver, we'll only have a week and a half before going homeward-bound. Being in Denver, though, we don't really have to see each other after the work day. I'm going to be spending time with people I haven't seen and hanging out with them. And just doing typicaly young adult stuffs. So after travelling back to Denver from KC, that week and a half won't be anywhere near as stressful as it is while we're on our spikes. And I only have to hold out two weeks and five days until I go home.

Okay, soooo.... I honestly don't have much more to write. I've been writing here a lot lately. I feel like the less often I write, the more I have to say. Which is kind of the deal. Maybe I should only write once a week as opposed to three times a week? Leave some substance for my posts, eh?

Okay, well, I'm going to go back to reading Dracula at work for the next 45 minutes or so until lunch time. And then read it through lunch... And come back and read it through the rest of the work day. Because there really isn't anything for me to do at the moment.

Have a fantastical day, loves. XOX,

CHARLY

Inspiration

There's a lot of things that inspire people. Music, art, nature, history, movies, being in programs such as the one I'm in... Although a lot of the aforementioned things inspire me, most of my inspiration came from my grandmother, Yvonne.

My grandma was always such an amazing woman. She was born in France in 1929. When she was ten, World War II started and she had to relocate. Having to persevere in such a difficult time, she helped her family get through such an intense time, emotionally.

Over 60 years ago, young and seven months pregnant, my grandmother and grandfather travelled - by boat! - to come to the United States, after my great aunt convinced them to come. It must have taken so much to come to a country where she didn't know the culture or the language. Not only that, but they didn't have much coming here.

They both worked hard to persevere, once again. With a family to support, they had to work for a better life, not only for themselves, but for their children as well. My grandfather took on several odd jobs before coming to live in Michigan permanently. My grandmother also went to school at Michigan State University for her teaching degree after they did. She taught French. It was something she was passionate about; to teach her culture and maternal language to high school students was something she enjoyed.

It wasn't just all of that, though, with which she inspired me, although that, in and of itself, is a great deal to inspire someone to do everything they can to do their best. My grandmother was always so passionate, so kind and caring. She always had that joie de vivre, always enjoying her life and her family. But most of all, it was her love and patience with me, with all her children and grandchildren that were blessed to have been touched by her. Until she wasn't healthy enough to, with each new member of the family, she made a new stocking for them. She immensely enjoyed having company over and cooking for them, whether they were friends or family - or if it so happened, she cooked for both.

This amazing and beautiful woman was just as much of a mother to me as her daughter, my mom. My grandmother took care of us just as much as my mom did. Babysitting us when we were young, coming over for birthdays, cooking for us whenever we went to her house - sometimes even cooking for us with my mom when she came over - spending time with us over holidays. She was such a prominent figure in my life.

My grandmother instilled a powerful thing in me. It's love and a strong sense of a familial bond. It's being passionate about life, about anything you do. It's being able to touch someone in such a positive way. It's never giving up, even when giving up would be so much easier to do.

I love my friends and family to the ends of the earth, the kind of love my grandmother had for her family. Despite having some issues with my family, family always comes first, no matter what - just like it did for my grandmother. I'm always passionate about what I love, about my life and about anything I set my mind to do. I try to be a positive influence on someone's life, no matter how mean or nasty someone is. Even though I've wanted to go home and leave this program a few times in the past seven months, I didn't give up. I stuck with it because I know that doing otherwise was something my grandmother would never allow. She wouldn't have been happy with it, even if she did respect my decision to leave.

Honestly, I don't think I would have been the same person I am today if she weren't ever a part of my life. She has always been so influential and positive. And for that, I will always love her.

She'll forever be in my heart. I am proud to be her granddaughter, and I'm going to wake up every day, always trying to live the life she would be proud of.