so, it's monday... back to the mundane-ness of it all. i'm back home, with my own dog and my family (rolling my eyes.... my dad's being that buttface he usually is when i'm home.... ugh!). i'm back in my own bed with my TEDDY BEAR!!!! (yes, i am twenty years old and still sleep with a teddy bear... but this teddy is real important to me... he's as big as a pillow. my brother got him for me about six years ago, and i totally love him. <3 best christmas give ever. like... ever. if you want to beat it, get me a bigger teddy.) i'm such a dork. :)
anyways, yesterday my parents' friends' daughter celebrated her First Communion and we went to her house after church for some celebrating... (celebrationning... whichever). funness. i also locked myself out of my cousin's house yesterday to realize that i only used the slide-y lock thing on the back door that i managed to open by openning the door and almost chopping my arm in half trying to undo. it was pretty hilarious, if i do say so myself.
and today is monday, like i said. i work 11 to 4. i have tomorrow off. i work 11 to 7 wednesday, 7 to 3 on thursday and 7 to 4 on friday. then 6pm to 12am saturday. like... wait, what? right, i have no idea. but i'm getting one more hour this week than i did last week. not too many complaints. well, i did get 36 hours last week because i made a mistake and said four when i was supposed to leave at three. because i'm a dimwit.
lemme see... steven wants to go out tomorrow night. i don't know what to feel about him anymore. i feel like he and i are friends... not really a couple. even though we are a couple. i don't know if it's fair to him that i'm still with him. especially since my old neighbor broke up with her boy-toy and i'm maybe hoping for something with her. i mean, i really do like her. and despite me denying it, yeah. i do like her. (there, it's out.... can't fight with it now.) and i don't know what i should do about steven. i mean, yea, i've committed to him. but that doesn't change the way i feel about him. i don't know why, but i have more feelings for my old neighbor than i do for him. i don't know how to explain it any more than that. i just... i'm just split between trying to keep it up with steven or ending it with him and going for her. i just don't know what i should do. i guess i'd be an ass if i left him for her. and i know it's not his fault, but it's not like it hasn't happened to me. and another dilemma is that i don't know if she plays for my team, if you know what i mean. i know, i am an equal opportunity dater (okay, guys, i'm bisexual... suck it up or go home)... but still, i don't know if she'll date me. i know.... just ask. but i mean... is this what a guy goes through when he wants to ask a girl out? well, not exactly, but close, right?
i don't know if she'll like me, i don't know if she'd want to date me... do i stink? am i her type? is there something stuck in my teeth? oh crap.... did i remember deoderant this morning? wait... back on track... if she does like me, how much? just as a friend or does she have a crush on me? ... god, if guys think like this all the time, then i'm glad that i can go either way... but that makes it more difficult, huh? whatever.
well, i gotta go. i have to go to work soon. i also wanna eat something before work so i don't pass out by the end of my five hour shift... so...
have a good monday (haha, funny joke...). love you all. XXXOOO!
Monday, 30 April 2012
Saturday, 28 April 2012
(it's alright, i survived, i'm alive again. [...] what's the use if you're killing time? ~JESSE McCARTNEY)
^^i was thirteen when that song first came out... completely forgotten song until recently. i loved it then, and i love it now. it's totally an awesome song (Because You Live). wow, it's been a long time since i've heard this song. like, years.
anyways, i got about twelve hours of sleep. well deserved, if you ask me. i was exhausted last night... to the point where i couldn't keep my eyes open. my schedule was kind of brutal. but i'm back in rochester next week, for good. well, until i am asked to house-sit again. but i don't mind. it's a nice place and there are animals and everything. the dog is growing on me. i might have to take him home. but he is the biggest cry baby. i left him outside too long this morning, and he was sitting outside the door, whining like a puppy because i'd left him outside. he wanted to make sure that i didn't forget about him. i didn't. how could i? he was making so much noise.
oh well. lol.
i might be going to the mall later. i'm going to have to stop by the house (i'm in rochester at the moment) and let the dog out, make sure he has water and whatnot, before i do. because i am just that awesome. laura and my sister are going and helene (my sister) has to work. i have to get new shoes for work because the ones i have are starting to get old and giving me problems. i've only had them for a few months, but the heels are worn almost to the sole of the shoe and i need better support.
i have to go to the court monday and clear my ticket. it's been signed, got the registration and plates renewed... just have to get cleared. and i won't get a fine!! yes... i can't afford a fine. not right now. not when i just started going full time. i need that money for insurance, for gas, for paying the 'rentals back. you know, all that good stuff. i'm lucky i hadn't gotten a ticket for speeding and/or no seatbelt. that would have been brutal. i'm happy it was just the plates. i'm sooooo happy it was just that. i wouldn't've been able to afford anything else. that, and i'm lucky i can get it cleared. phew. no sweat. i think...
anyways. i don't know. the schedule isn't up for next week yet. i can't wait for it. the CARNIVAL starts may 3rd and it's going to be funfunfun!!! all the carnies and all the extra business we're going to get is going to be wonderful! it's going to be epic. it's going to be amazing. lol. sorry, i'm just that excited for it. i can't wait. obviously. i mean..... really, i can't wait.
i am also thanking my lucky stars that i'm not working with bitchtina anymore, either. it's been a bit easier because i don't have to worry about her bitching at me, or her being high as a kite on second and being a total bitch the next. the only downside to that is......... i work with sue's 'pet', jules. who is anal about everything. every. thing. like, "stock your fridge" or "stock your cups" or "do a sweep" or, or, or..... just shup up, bitch. i know how to do my job, i've been here a year and a half. it's not like i just started this week. hell, no. i've been there for 16 months on the fifth of may. like, really? don't treat me like i'm new. thank you and have a damn nice day.
right.
anyways.
i think i'm done for today. :)
have a wonderful day, and an amazing weekend. love you all!!
<3 <3 <3 <3
anyways, i got about twelve hours of sleep. well deserved, if you ask me. i was exhausted last night... to the point where i couldn't keep my eyes open. my schedule was kind of brutal. but i'm back in rochester next week, for good. well, until i am asked to house-sit again. but i don't mind. it's a nice place and there are animals and everything. the dog is growing on me. i might have to take him home. but he is the biggest cry baby. i left him outside too long this morning, and he was sitting outside the door, whining like a puppy because i'd left him outside. he wanted to make sure that i didn't forget about him. i didn't. how could i? he was making so much noise.
oh well. lol.
i might be going to the mall later. i'm going to have to stop by the house (i'm in rochester at the moment) and let the dog out, make sure he has water and whatnot, before i do. because i am just that awesome. laura and my sister are going and helene (my sister) has to work. i have to get new shoes for work because the ones i have are starting to get old and giving me problems. i've only had them for a few months, but the heels are worn almost to the sole of the shoe and i need better support.
i have to go to the court monday and clear my ticket. it's been signed, got the registration and plates renewed... just have to get cleared. and i won't get a fine!! yes... i can't afford a fine. not right now. not when i just started going full time. i need that money for insurance, for gas, for paying the 'rentals back. you know, all that good stuff. i'm lucky i hadn't gotten a ticket for speeding and/or no seatbelt. that would have been brutal. i'm happy it was just the plates. i'm sooooo happy it was just that. i wouldn't've been able to afford anything else. that, and i'm lucky i can get it cleared. phew. no sweat. i think...
anyways. i don't know. the schedule isn't up for next week yet. i can't wait for it. the CARNIVAL starts may 3rd and it's going to be funfunfun!!! all the carnies and all the extra business we're going to get is going to be wonderful! it's going to be epic. it's going to be amazing. lol. sorry, i'm just that excited for it. i can't wait. obviously. i mean..... really, i can't wait.
i am also thanking my lucky stars that i'm not working with bitchtina anymore, either. it's been a bit easier because i don't have to worry about her bitching at me, or her being high as a kite on second and being a total bitch the next. the only downside to that is......... i work with sue's 'pet', jules. who is anal about everything. every. thing. like, "stock your fridge" or "stock your cups" or "do a sweep" or, or, or..... just shup up, bitch. i know how to do my job, i've been here a year and a half. it's not like i just started this week. hell, no. i've been there for 16 months on the fifth of may. like, really? don't treat me like i'm new. thank you and have a damn nice day.
right.
anyways.
i think i'm done for today. :)
have a wonderful day, and an amazing weekend. love you all!!
<3 <3 <3 <3
Friday, 27 April 2012
(i threw a wish in the well. don't ask me, i'll never tell. i looked at you as it fell, and now you're in my way. i trade my soul for a wish, pennies and dimes for a kiss. i wasn't looking for this, but now you're in my way. ~CARLY RAE JEPSEN)
okie dokie.... i'm house-sitting for my cousin, renee, and her husband. they live in birmingham... and yesterday and today, i had to be out of the house by twenty after six to be at work on time. .... it was horrible. out of bed by quarter to six (wow, typed something else, and almost left it.) both mornings. now i am exhausted.
anyways, they have a 200 pound dog, two cats and a tank full of fish. so it's not like i can't be here. the dog (Great Dane...... holy cow, that dog could knock me flat on my back if i looked at him wrong.) eats a lot of food. like two to three times more (at least) more than my dog. my dog, who is 45 pounds. i mean, really. who needs a 200 pound dog? not me, really.
anyhow, i got more than 60 hours the past two weeks and i am really happy because that means more money. yes!!! i need it.
anyways, funny story. yesterday, i was driving to the grocery story. i was going through a subdivision, going 40 through a 25mile an hour zone and i blew past a sheriff. i wasn't wearing a seat belt (glad i'd put it on), i was speeding (had slowed down), but what did i get a ticket for? expired plates. like, really? of all the things i was doing wrong, i get a ticket for the least obvious thing. but looking at it with the perspective that i could've gotten fined for not seatbelt or speeding (or worse, points on the record), i only got a fix-it ticket, and it's not so bad. honestly, this way i won't get a fine, won't go to jail... nothing. just have to go to court monday to show them that i got my registration taken care of. it's all good. so, honestly... not as bad as it could be.
i'm not talking to steven much, which is weird. i don't know why. lately i've been pulling away from him. him and a couple other people. but talking more to different people. which is totally weird. like, this is not something that i do. i am not talking to him or laura, but talking to other people, like this friend whom i haven't seen in years. really? i don't know why that is. but i guess.... i need to expand and try to include more people in my life is what it is. i don't know. i guess i feel like i talk to the same people all the time and need to talk to different people. so, therefore, i try to find other people to talk to and distance myself form the people i talk to on a regular basis. fun.
okay, i realize that this is short, and i realize it's only 8pm... but i am way tired, and i am going to sleep for the next 12 hours. much love, people!!! <3
anyways, they have a 200 pound dog, two cats and a tank full of fish. so it's not like i can't be here. the dog (Great Dane...... holy cow, that dog could knock me flat on my back if i looked at him wrong.) eats a lot of food. like two to three times more (at least) more than my dog. my dog, who is 45 pounds. i mean, really. who needs a 200 pound dog? not me, really.
anyhow, i got more than 60 hours the past two weeks and i am really happy because that means more money. yes!!! i need it.
anyways, funny story. yesterday, i was driving to the grocery story. i was going through a subdivision, going 40 through a 25mile an hour zone and i blew past a sheriff. i wasn't wearing a seat belt (glad i'd put it on), i was speeding (had slowed down), but what did i get a ticket for? expired plates. like, really? of all the things i was doing wrong, i get a ticket for the least obvious thing. but looking at it with the perspective that i could've gotten fined for not seatbelt or speeding (or worse, points on the record), i only got a fix-it ticket, and it's not so bad. honestly, this way i won't get a fine, won't go to jail... nothing. just have to go to court monday to show them that i got my registration taken care of. it's all good. so, honestly... not as bad as it could be.
i'm not talking to steven much, which is weird. i don't know why. lately i've been pulling away from him. him and a couple other people. but talking more to different people. which is totally weird. like, this is not something that i do. i am not talking to him or laura, but talking to other people, like this friend whom i haven't seen in years. really? i don't know why that is. but i guess.... i need to expand and try to include more people in my life is what it is. i don't know. i guess i feel like i talk to the same people all the time and need to talk to different people. so, therefore, i try to find other people to talk to and distance myself form the people i talk to on a regular basis. fun.
okay, i realize that this is short, and i realize it's only 8pm... but i am way tired, and i am going to sleep for the next 12 hours. much love, people!!! <3
Tuesday, 24 April 2012
(this is my jam. keep me partyin to the am. ~FLO RIDA)
well.... last night was interesting... i went to my gma's to do some laundry and steven wanted to go out for ice cream. and we went to burger king. we ate our ice cream and i ended up working for about 20 minutes off the clock for jesse. not that i mind, because he's a great manager. and i work at 10, which is less than an hour from now. fun fun...
anyhow, i dropped steven off on the way to my grandma's from burger king. he wanted to kiss me but i wouldn't let him... i don't know, i guess i'm a bit uncomfortable. i mean, i'm still not completely ... i don't know, comfortable with being with him. i'm not really okay, i guess, with the whole nine year difference, the whole settling down thing. it might just be me, or it might be him and who he is. i am not sure, but i am not comfortable with something, exactly. i couldn't say what.
anyways, i'm on the best buy, trying to figure out what the heck is going on with a purchase that my mom made for a dryer. this is ridiculous. whatever, i get to do something, other than sit around. gives me a purpose, i guess.
anyhow, i feel like today is going to be a long day... long, long day. i can deal with it. i work from 10 am to 6 pm, then i have to go home, and then go out to birmingham to start house-sitting for my cousin. she and her husband and their baby are going to ohio until sunday night. they're leaving the dog and cats at the house, so i get to go and take care of the animals, and commute to rochester to work and see my grandma. that's going to be so much fun.... not. what a waste of gas. but i can deal with it, i have the money for it. for right now, anyways.
the one good thing about my staying out in birmingham until sunday night is that i won't have to deal with dad much. he'll probably call me and check in with me, but i won't have to deal with him face to face. it's ridiculous how ... fricking ridiculous it is with him. he can't give me the space in my life, so maybe a week out in the other side of the world will help him see that he should give me the damn space i need. i guess if i show him that i can be responsible and independent this week, he'll back off, thank God. it's about damn time that he learn to do that, because i am to the point of just requesting a week off at work and sitting on my ass and showing him i can be more lazy than i am now. i realize he's working twice to three times as much as i am on a weekly basis, but i am working 30 to 40 hours a week now, plus helping my grandmother, and this week, being out in birmingham to house-sit. okay, i totally am not doing anything productive with my time, dad. i know what it's like to have to deal with responsibility. i'm not a moron.
i have a job that (GASP) i have had for almost a year and a half. and i am also doing stuff for everyone else on top of it, between babysitting, house-sitting, grocery shopping for mom and dad, helping out my grandma, and giving rides to everyone. i know that it gets harder as i get older, but i am getting my feet wet. i know this is just the beginning, but i am liking it. because i feel like i have a purpose now. i mean, i know i only work at burger king, but it's better than not working. i'd rather have something to do with my time that just sit around all day... especially with my obssessive dad. there's almost always something for me to do right now.
that might prove to be disasterous, but it might also prove helpful because i'm finally learning balance. which is a good thing. i mean... i know what my capabilities are and i might get better and handling things. so, in the long run, this will help.
well, i better go, because i have to go get ready for work and whatnot.
have an amazing day. love you all!!! <3
anyhow, i dropped steven off on the way to my grandma's from burger king. he wanted to kiss me but i wouldn't let him... i don't know, i guess i'm a bit uncomfortable. i mean, i'm still not completely ... i don't know, comfortable with being with him. i'm not really okay, i guess, with the whole nine year difference, the whole settling down thing. it might just be me, or it might be him and who he is. i am not sure, but i am not comfortable with something, exactly. i couldn't say what.
anyways, i'm on the best buy, trying to figure out what the heck is going on with a purchase that my mom made for a dryer. this is ridiculous. whatever, i get to do something, other than sit around. gives me a purpose, i guess.
anyhow, i feel like today is going to be a long day... long, long day. i can deal with it. i work from 10 am to 6 pm, then i have to go home, and then go out to birmingham to start house-sitting for my cousin. she and her husband and their baby are going to ohio until sunday night. they're leaving the dog and cats at the house, so i get to go and take care of the animals, and commute to rochester to work and see my grandma. that's going to be so much fun.... not. what a waste of gas. but i can deal with it, i have the money for it. for right now, anyways.
the one good thing about my staying out in birmingham until sunday night is that i won't have to deal with dad much. he'll probably call me and check in with me, but i won't have to deal with him face to face. it's ridiculous how ... fricking ridiculous it is with him. he can't give me the space in my life, so maybe a week out in the other side of the world will help him see that he should give me the damn space i need. i guess if i show him that i can be responsible and independent this week, he'll back off, thank God. it's about damn time that he learn to do that, because i am to the point of just requesting a week off at work and sitting on my ass and showing him i can be more lazy than i am now. i realize he's working twice to three times as much as i am on a weekly basis, but i am working 30 to 40 hours a week now, plus helping my grandmother, and this week, being out in birmingham to house-sit. okay, i totally am not doing anything productive with my time, dad. i know what it's like to have to deal with responsibility. i'm not a moron.
i have a job that (GASP) i have had for almost a year and a half. and i am also doing stuff for everyone else on top of it, between babysitting, house-sitting, grocery shopping for mom and dad, helping out my grandma, and giving rides to everyone. i know that it gets harder as i get older, but i am getting my feet wet. i know this is just the beginning, but i am liking it. because i feel like i have a purpose now. i mean, i know i only work at burger king, but it's better than not working. i'd rather have something to do with my time that just sit around all day... especially with my obssessive dad. there's almost always something for me to do right now.
that might prove to be disasterous, but it might also prove helpful because i'm finally learning balance. which is a good thing. i mean... i know what my capabilities are and i might get better and handling things. so, in the long run, this will help.
well, i better go, because i have to go get ready for work and whatnot.
have an amazing day. love you all!!! <3
Monday, 23 April 2012
(everybody's waiting for you to break down. everybody's watching to see the fallout. even when you're sleeping, sleeping, keep your ey-eyes open. ~TAYLOR SWIFT)
it's monday. pay day... totally awesome. wonderful. :-) i'll finally have money.
and steven and i are together. :) how long, i have no idea. but it's nice. whatever. i'm happy. or at least, as happy as i can be.
my dad is intent on living vicariously through me. he's all like "you need to clean your room" (aka perfection... whatever), "how much to do you weigh?" (like it matters? really? why should it? why the fuck don't you love me for who i am? i mean, why the hell does my weight matter? he isn't living with what i do to my body, i do. and really, that's kind of superficial of him to care so much about that... come on!), "let me see your work uniform to see if it's clean." (again with the superficial, dad? my shirt doesn't stay clean more than five minutes when i'm at work!), "there isn't any toilet paper in the bathroom. how are you supposed to set a good example for kids???" (i told him i maybe - MAYBE!!!! - want to do something with kids when i 'grow up' and he's all like, "set a good example for all childredn".... what the hell, dad??? you're going to control what I do with MY time??? what bullshit.). i mean, it's like he doesn't have enough shit to do with his time he has to be all up in my crap, too. like really? take a fucking chill pill (haha, mom should give him Vicadin every day.... he won't give two shits then...) and relax now and again. he's so over stressed that i live my life when he's gone. i mean, how else can i ever be me? really.
it's so damn stupid... whatever. i'm not going to be home from tomorrow to sunday, so it won't matter. i'm house sitting for my cousin who is going to ohio for the week. so i don't have to deal with my anal parent.
UGH. i worked 30 hours last week and i'm working about 35 this week. i can't wait for my next pay check in two weeks. it's gonna be HUGE. like, killer. 65 hour pay check. i'm only getting paid for 40 today. so that's an extra 25 hours.... haha, a lot of money coming my way. life is looking up... except for my life at home. aside from that.... i have a boyfriend, i'm making more money. i have a better social life. well, not really, i'm just talking to a few people more often and i'm going out a bit more.
okay, so i have a dilemma.... i hung out with a friend whom i haven't seen in, like, ten years. and she's only a year younger than me, so not too bad, right? but she's totally gorgeous. the only thing is that we both have boyfriends. and she lives in clawson.... which is like a 20 minute drive on a good day. i mean, i would like to be with her, but firstly, i don't know if she plays on my team and secondly, i'm not comfortable with breaking up more than one relationship for it, let alone one. ugh. it's so annoying trying to figure this out. but i guess i'm going to go with what i have now. let that play out. right? i guess so.
well, i have to go. time to go to work. <3 you all!!!
and steven and i are together. :) how long, i have no idea. but it's nice. whatever. i'm happy. or at least, as happy as i can be.
my dad is intent on living vicariously through me. he's all like "you need to clean your room" (aka perfection... whatever), "how much to do you weigh?" (like it matters? really? why should it? why the fuck don't you love me for who i am? i mean, why the hell does my weight matter? he isn't living with what i do to my body, i do. and really, that's kind of superficial of him to care so much about that... come on!), "let me see your work uniform to see if it's clean." (again with the superficial, dad? my shirt doesn't stay clean more than five minutes when i'm at work!), "there isn't any toilet paper in the bathroom. how are you supposed to set a good example for kids???" (i told him i maybe - MAYBE!!!! - want to do something with kids when i 'grow up' and he's all like, "set a good example for all childredn".... what the hell, dad??? you're going to control what I do with MY time??? what bullshit.). i mean, it's like he doesn't have enough shit to do with his time he has to be all up in my crap, too. like really? take a fucking chill pill (haha, mom should give him Vicadin every day.... he won't give two shits then...) and relax now and again. he's so over stressed that i live my life when he's gone. i mean, how else can i ever be me? really.
it's so damn stupid... whatever. i'm not going to be home from tomorrow to sunday, so it won't matter. i'm house sitting for my cousin who is going to ohio for the week. so i don't have to deal with my anal parent.
UGH. i worked 30 hours last week and i'm working about 35 this week. i can't wait for my next pay check in two weeks. it's gonna be HUGE. like, killer. 65 hour pay check. i'm only getting paid for 40 today. so that's an extra 25 hours.... haha, a lot of money coming my way. life is looking up... except for my life at home. aside from that.... i have a boyfriend, i'm making more money. i have a better social life. well, not really, i'm just talking to a few people more often and i'm going out a bit more.
okay, so i have a dilemma.... i hung out with a friend whom i haven't seen in, like, ten years. and she's only a year younger than me, so not too bad, right? but she's totally gorgeous. the only thing is that we both have boyfriends. and she lives in clawson.... which is like a 20 minute drive on a good day. i mean, i would like to be with her, but firstly, i don't know if she plays on my team and secondly, i'm not comfortable with breaking up more than one relationship for it, let alone one. ugh. it's so annoying trying to figure this out. but i guess i'm going to go with what i have now. let that play out. right? i guess so.
well, i have to go. time to go to work. <3 you all!!!
Thursday, 12 April 2012
(...asking about a scar, and i know i gave it to you months ago. i know you're tryin' to forget. but between the drinks, the sutle things, and the holes in my apologies, i'm trying to take it back. ~Fun.)
i can't believe myself. i surprise myself sometimes. but sometimes it's totally worth it. :) like right now. it is totally worth it. i think. anyhow, i did think about it and i decided. i want to be with steven. maybe this way it will be easier for me to figure out what i want from him. so, i am happier and he might be happier, too.
but, anyhow... beside the point. today, helene and i went to dairy queen and had blizzards. funness. and i spent a good part of the day at my grandma's house. i'm gonna be home for a little bit, hopefully. i'm laying on the floor and typing away in front of the television. time to chill. for right now, anyhow.
mom is getting another "big girl" job. so tonight she's meeting a few co-workers at Miguel's Cantina, which is one of my most favorite eateries. ever. anyhow, beside the point. she won't be home for a couple hours. though, she isn't home. she hasn't been home since ten to nine this morning. so... yeah.
i think i should try to find something to write about, because right now... i have nothing to write about.
i need to see steven tonight, because i want to see him. and maybe this time... things will be different, because this time, i know what i want. for now. i want to see where this goes. because something good might come out of this, for once.
my dog is so silly. i started to pet her a moment ago, and she keeps nuzzling my arm every time i've tried to type so far. well, this time she let me go. but her head is on my leg and she's cuddling up.... and she just got up because my sister walked into the room. but she's sitting next to me, like she doesn't want to quite leave me. she's so cute.
anyways, Laura got a reward for German. she's a good student. so, i'm happy for her. la di da.
i have to go, i gotta go get some jeans on or something. because i might be going out and i have to take mom to the cantina. i am in such a very good mood. lol. i want to dance around and laugh and sing. SING!!! haha.
i do that every post. :)
okay, well, i am going to get dressed now. i love you guys and have a nice evening.
but, anyhow... beside the point. today, helene and i went to dairy queen and had blizzards. funness. and i spent a good part of the day at my grandma's house. i'm gonna be home for a little bit, hopefully. i'm laying on the floor and typing away in front of the television. time to chill. for right now, anyhow.
mom is getting another "big girl" job. so tonight she's meeting a few co-workers at Miguel's Cantina, which is one of my most favorite eateries. ever. anyhow, beside the point. she won't be home for a couple hours. though, she isn't home. she hasn't been home since ten to nine this morning. so... yeah.
i think i should try to find something to write about, because right now... i have nothing to write about.
i need to see steven tonight, because i want to see him. and maybe this time... things will be different, because this time, i know what i want. for now. i want to see where this goes. because something good might come out of this, for once.
my dog is so silly. i started to pet her a moment ago, and she keeps nuzzling my arm every time i've tried to type so far. well, this time she let me go. but her head is on my leg and she's cuddling up.... and she just got up because my sister walked into the room. but she's sitting next to me, like she doesn't want to quite leave me. she's so cute.
anyways, Laura got a reward for German. she's a good student. so, i'm happy for her. la di da.
i have to go, i gotta go get some jeans on or something. because i might be going out and i have to take mom to the cantina. i am in such a very good mood. lol. i want to dance around and laugh and sing. SING!!! haha.
i do that every post. :)
okay, well, i am going to get dressed now. i love you guys and have a nice evening.
Wednesday, 11 April 2012
(let it out and let me inside. tell me things you feel you need to hide. all your secrets can't be worse than mine. so, come closer and hold me tight. ~GAROU)
i guess life is ridiculous. especially in the past week. i'm a moron. i guess six days is a long time. so, i have enough to cover.
so, since the last time i posted, steven and i decided to be together.... well, i don't know. we were officially together. exclusively. right. that lasted all of three or four days. dum di dum. last night, i talked to him. i guess i'm not exactly comfortable with being exclusively together and how fast we went into it. that's part of it. well, that's a lot of it. i find it hard to commit. i don't know why. i was the one who complained about being single and how much it sucks and everything. but when i finally went into it, i realized that maybe it wasn't such a good idea. i don't even know if i like the guy for real. i don't know, it's just ridiculous. then, i decided, maybe we could see each other, but date other people. which, really... it's kind of like being friends anyhow. but ... he did come over for Easter on sunday. so, i mean. it's not like i took it lightly to begin with. or have i been wrong? i just think that maybe it wasn't exactly what i wanted or what i thought it would be. but i knew what i was getting myself into. i don't know. it's life and i'll figure it out as the journey goes on.
so, anyways... i would say i'm single, but seeing someone. which is kind of contradictory, but that's just part of who i am. funny thing is, though, people've been thinking that we've being together for a lot longer than we acutally have been. so, i guess it's seems like we're actually a couple when we aren't. not really, anyhow. which makes everything more confusing. but i don't care. as long as i know the truth, why does it have to matter? it shouldn't. not really.
yes, since i last posted... i also picked up a couple of shifts during the week. not a bad thing, because that just means more money in my pocket. more money to save. more money for CHOCOLATE. yes, i love me some chocolate. but that's beside the point. now i have no reason to complain about having no money. because i will have money. when i get my next paycheck. not a measly 180-something dollar paycheck like i got earlier this week. whatever.
and since i last posted, people have met steven. and pretty much everyone likes him. which is weird because i don't even know i much i like him. but i guess it's a good thing because if i do choose to be with him awhile, it just means that the family accepted him already and whatnot.
anyways. the hag knows we're dating. well... she thinks we're still together together. no... we're just dating. but not exclusively. not right now. which is okay with me. because i don't think i can be exclusive yet, anyways. i need my opportunities. because right now, i'm not ready to settle down, i'm not ready to start my life like that, i don't want to start a family right now. i want to wait a few years before i start doing that. that's just me.
i don't know how i went from the hag knowing that steven and i are dating to wanting to settle down in one paragraph, but it happened... which is weird, i know. but i think i've already done that a few times by now.
anywways. anyhow. i don't know. life is life, i guess. and here i am, experiencing life and giving a first-person account of what's going on in my life. fun, fun.
uhm. i totally had something in mind to write, but i totally can't think of what i was going to say. which is really annoying. whatever. it'll come back to me when i've posted today's post and i'll be irritated, but... i'll live. like always.
so, anyways, monday night, steven and i had a fight. over text, no less. it pissed me off that he didn't seem to care that i had to talk to him monday night. he was too busy having his own life while i was waiting around for him to decide to finally want to see me. really. i would have thought i didn't matter. but when we finally did talk, i was irritated and mad about other things on top of steven completely ignoring me. so, it all kind of came out on him. but he kind of deserved some of the anger, because i had been waiting around for two hours before he looked at his phone. whatever. if i got pissed off about something that stupid so early in the relationship, how is it supposed to last? it isn't.
okie doke. i'm ranting and i had doing it. so, i'm going to stop. because that's the smart thing to do. isn't it?
don't get me wrong, i like the whole 'i have a boyfriend and i'm in a relationship' thing, but i don't think i should have thrown myself into it as fast as i did. i think that was part of the reason i wasn't quite ready to date steven. i don't know. but it makes sense.
alright.
once again.... i'm trying to go out today. my sister needs me to bring stuff up to her to the school again. i need to ... there was something else i needed to do... oh, i need to clean my room. i need to get out of my house. although i was out of the house for a few hours last night, and i am at my grandma's house right now. i just want to stay out of my house as long as i can. i just... i guess i want to be away from certain things and getting out of my house helps.
bah humbug. i feel like i should be needing something. i don't know. i feel like i should know what i want from people. i should know what i want from steven, from my parents, from my friends... all that. but i don't. i mean, i may have scratched the surface, but deep down... i just don't know. laura knows my insecurities about everything, so she knows me at least as well as i know myself. but i feel like nobody else in my life knows me that well. steven surely doesn't. my parents only know what i tell them. and that's pretty much everyone in my life. it's a self-defense mechanism, but i have to get over it. or, at least, start knocking down some walls.
i guess i'm going to stop writing. i'll write more later. if i remember or if i feel like it.
be creative. be yourself.
so, since the last time i posted, steven and i decided to be together.... well, i don't know. we were officially together. exclusively. right. that lasted all of three or four days. dum di dum. last night, i talked to him. i guess i'm not exactly comfortable with being exclusively together and how fast we went into it. that's part of it. well, that's a lot of it. i find it hard to commit. i don't know why. i was the one who complained about being single and how much it sucks and everything. but when i finally went into it, i realized that maybe it wasn't such a good idea. i don't even know if i like the guy for real. i don't know, it's just ridiculous. then, i decided, maybe we could see each other, but date other people. which, really... it's kind of like being friends anyhow. but ... he did come over for Easter on sunday. so, i mean. it's not like i took it lightly to begin with. or have i been wrong? i just think that maybe it wasn't exactly what i wanted or what i thought it would be. but i knew what i was getting myself into. i don't know. it's life and i'll figure it out as the journey goes on.
so, anyways... i would say i'm single, but seeing someone. which is kind of contradictory, but that's just part of who i am. funny thing is, though, people've been thinking that we've being together for a lot longer than we acutally have been. so, i guess it's seems like we're actually a couple when we aren't. not really, anyhow. which makes everything more confusing. but i don't care. as long as i know the truth, why does it have to matter? it shouldn't. not really.
yes, since i last posted... i also picked up a couple of shifts during the week. not a bad thing, because that just means more money in my pocket. more money to save. more money for CHOCOLATE. yes, i love me some chocolate. but that's beside the point. now i have no reason to complain about having no money. because i will have money. when i get my next paycheck. not a measly 180-something dollar paycheck like i got earlier this week. whatever.
and since i last posted, people have met steven. and pretty much everyone likes him. which is weird because i don't even know i much i like him. but i guess it's a good thing because if i do choose to be with him awhile, it just means that the family accepted him already and whatnot.
anyways. the hag knows we're dating. well... she thinks we're still together together. no... we're just dating. but not exclusively. not right now. which is okay with me. because i don't think i can be exclusive yet, anyways. i need my opportunities. because right now, i'm not ready to settle down, i'm not ready to start my life like that, i don't want to start a family right now. i want to wait a few years before i start doing that. that's just me.
i don't know how i went from the hag knowing that steven and i are dating to wanting to settle down in one paragraph, but it happened... which is weird, i know. but i think i've already done that a few times by now.
anywways. anyhow. i don't know. life is life, i guess. and here i am, experiencing life and giving a first-person account of what's going on in my life. fun, fun.
uhm. i totally had something in mind to write, but i totally can't think of what i was going to say. which is really annoying. whatever. it'll come back to me when i've posted today's post and i'll be irritated, but... i'll live. like always.
so, anyways, monday night, steven and i had a fight. over text, no less. it pissed me off that he didn't seem to care that i had to talk to him monday night. he was too busy having his own life while i was waiting around for him to decide to finally want to see me. really. i would have thought i didn't matter. but when we finally did talk, i was irritated and mad about other things on top of steven completely ignoring me. so, it all kind of came out on him. but he kind of deserved some of the anger, because i had been waiting around for two hours before he looked at his phone. whatever. if i got pissed off about something that stupid so early in the relationship, how is it supposed to last? it isn't.
okie doke. i'm ranting and i had doing it. so, i'm going to stop. because that's the smart thing to do. isn't it?
don't get me wrong, i like the whole 'i have a boyfriend and i'm in a relationship' thing, but i don't think i should have thrown myself into it as fast as i did. i think that was part of the reason i wasn't quite ready to date steven. i don't know. but it makes sense.
alright.
once again.... i'm trying to go out today. my sister needs me to bring stuff up to her to the school again. i need to ... there was something else i needed to do... oh, i need to clean my room. i need to get out of my house. although i was out of the house for a few hours last night, and i am at my grandma's house right now. i just want to stay out of my house as long as i can. i just... i guess i want to be away from certain things and getting out of my house helps.
bah humbug. i feel like i should be needing something. i don't know. i feel like i should know what i want from people. i should know what i want from steven, from my parents, from my friends... all that. but i don't. i mean, i may have scratched the surface, but deep down... i just don't know. laura knows my insecurities about everything, so she knows me at least as well as i know myself. but i feel like nobody else in my life knows me that well. steven surely doesn't. my parents only know what i tell them. and that's pretty much everyone in my life. it's a self-defense mechanism, but i have to get over it. or, at least, start knocking down some walls.
i guess i'm going to stop writing. i'll write more later. if i remember or if i feel like it.
be creative. be yourself.
Thursday, 5 April 2012
(i got a good old friend here with me tonight and i guess i'm doing alright. well, i guess i'm doing alright. ~JO DEE MESSINA)
my goodness, i haven't heard that song in such a long time (Jo Dee Messina's I'm Alright). but it's a good song. that's all that matters.
i worked yesterday and i ended up staying an hour and a half late. from the time i walked in to the time i left, we didn't stop. constant stream of customers, pretty much non-stop. but what can i say? it's spring break, and there are a huge amount of coupons that we've been getting all week. on top of that, i got strawberry shake flavor (we hand spin our shakes... fun fun.) down my pant leg, chocolate flavor from my wrist up to my shirt sleeve and shake mix down my leg. by the time i got home, i was hot, sweaty and sticky. i took a long, hot shower and braided my hair. and finally went to bed.
so, apparently, i can't do anything right. i don't know. my mom was mad about how the house wasn't clean like she thinks it's supposed to (uh, perfect... right.). okay, sorry, i worked all afternoon. it wasn't like i wasn't doing anything at all yesterday. i was working my ass of all afternoon, making minimum wage. plus, i'm trying to get another job, so it's like... i'm not lazy, i'm just trying to do a massive amount of things with the small amount of time that i have. whatever.
anyhow... i'm hoping to go out tomorrow with a good friend. :-) finally. we've been trying to hang out for a couple weeks already and every time, something's come up so that we couldn't. but tomorrow afternoon, we're hopefully going to be hanging out. i hope it'll be fun. i mean... i haven't seen her in God knows how long, so it'd be nice to see her again. so... yeah.
last night, steven and i hardly talked since he walked in at seven until i left at ten thirty. it was because the hag was working and we didn't want to give her any ideas that we're together. everyone else thinks we're going out, but it's to the point where i don't give a shit about what the crew thinks. i just don't want the hag to be giving me shit about what she thinks is going on between me and a closer. it's just ridiculous. it's my personal life and everyone thinks it's okay to talk about me and another crew member (as far as i know, it's not breaking any rules, so why give a shit to begin with???). i just think that we're friends and we know that, and whatever other people think doesn't matter. because we know the truth and that's that.
what was i going to write? i was going to write something else, but i don't remember. i don't like it when that happens. oh, well. it happens to everyone.
i feel like i can only be real to people i don't know and to my close friends. because, on here, people get to know me, but i don't get to know other people. don't get me wrong, i don't mind, because i guess i get a different perspective when i'm writing here than i do when i'm talking to my friends. but what i mean is that i feel more real when i'm here blogging or talking to friends that i can be at home or at work. i feel like i hide stuff more often. fine, blood is thicker than water. but frienship is thicker than both. at least, to me. that's how i feel. because no matter how angry or how upset or how much i mess up, my friends will always love me. they won't ever stay mad at me.
"a friend is someone who dances with you in the sunlight and walks beside you in the shadows." ~anonymous
and i totally agree with that. i don't think i can say much of the same for my family. or... my parents, more like. and i dont' get why they can't do that. my friends can and do. but my parents seem to have their own agenda about that. whatever. i have my friends and my friends have my back. so it's all good.
anyhow, i have to go. mom wants lunch and i get to go get it for her...
be creative and be yourself. no matter what.
XXXOOO
i worked yesterday and i ended up staying an hour and a half late. from the time i walked in to the time i left, we didn't stop. constant stream of customers, pretty much non-stop. but what can i say? it's spring break, and there are a huge amount of coupons that we've been getting all week. on top of that, i got strawberry shake flavor (we hand spin our shakes... fun fun.) down my pant leg, chocolate flavor from my wrist up to my shirt sleeve and shake mix down my leg. by the time i got home, i was hot, sweaty and sticky. i took a long, hot shower and braided my hair. and finally went to bed.
so, apparently, i can't do anything right. i don't know. my mom was mad about how the house wasn't clean like she thinks it's supposed to (uh, perfect... right.). okay, sorry, i worked all afternoon. it wasn't like i wasn't doing anything at all yesterday. i was working my ass of all afternoon, making minimum wage. plus, i'm trying to get another job, so it's like... i'm not lazy, i'm just trying to do a massive amount of things with the small amount of time that i have. whatever.
anyhow... i'm hoping to go out tomorrow with a good friend. :-) finally. we've been trying to hang out for a couple weeks already and every time, something's come up so that we couldn't. but tomorrow afternoon, we're hopefully going to be hanging out. i hope it'll be fun. i mean... i haven't seen her in God knows how long, so it'd be nice to see her again. so... yeah.
last night, steven and i hardly talked since he walked in at seven until i left at ten thirty. it was because the hag was working and we didn't want to give her any ideas that we're together. everyone else thinks we're going out, but it's to the point where i don't give a shit about what the crew thinks. i just don't want the hag to be giving me shit about what she thinks is going on between me and a closer. it's just ridiculous. it's my personal life and everyone thinks it's okay to talk about me and another crew member (as far as i know, it's not breaking any rules, so why give a shit to begin with???). i just think that we're friends and we know that, and whatever other people think doesn't matter. because we know the truth and that's that.
what was i going to write? i was going to write something else, but i don't remember. i don't like it when that happens. oh, well. it happens to everyone.
i feel like i can only be real to people i don't know and to my close friends. because, on here, people get to know me, but i don't get to know other people. don't get me wrong, i don't mind, because i guess i get a different perspective when i'm writing here than i do when i'm talking to my friends. but what i mean is that i feel more real when i'm here blogging or talking to friends that i can be at home or at work. i feel like i hide stuff more often. fine, blood is thicker than water. but frienship is thicker than both. at least, to me. that's how i feel. because no matter how angry or how upset or how much i mess up, my friends will always love me. they won't ever stay mad at me.
"a friend is someone who dances with you in the sunlight and walks beside you in the shadows." ~anonymous
and i totally agree with that. i don't think i can say much of the same for my family. or... my parents, more like. and i dont' get why they can't do that. my friends can and do. but my parents seem to have their own agenda about that. whatever. i have my friends and my friends have my back. so it's all good.
anyhow, i have to go. mom wants lunch and i get to go get it for her...
be creative and be yourself. no matter what.
XXXOOO
Monday, 2 April 2012
(on my knees, i'll ask/last chance for one last dance/'cause with you/i'd withstand/all of hell to hold your hand./i'd give it all/i'd give for us/give anything but i won't give up. ~~NICKELBACK)
alrighty.... two days since i posted last. a ton of stuff.... kind of.
yesterday i worked with... you guess it. that hag. she worked a day shift, for once. and when our times were high for drive thru (we have a timer in the kitchen that times how long it takes us to get the orders out. each should take less than 2 1/2 minutes.), she blamed it on me (i was at the first window, collecting) when it wasn't my fault. it was her kitchen crew's fault and her front line's fault that her times were sky high. not mine. i was doing my job like i was supposed to. most of the time, people were waiting on her front line to hand out the damn food. and i couldn't help it when they cleared two orders and (GASP!!!) i had to collect. so, i don't know why she got sooooo pissed off at me. she has soemthing against me, and honestly, it's getting old.
i ended up working until close last night, or just about 'till. so i worked ten hour shift. it's extra cash in my pocket. aaannnd there was a customer in the drive thru that the guy and i agreed on... as in we both thought she was hot (hey! come now, no hating. i go both ways.). she was blond and she was pretty. what can i say? :) and i worked with jesse (only the best manager at burger king.). i had food (not much, which was weird because i hadn't eaten much all day.) around ten thirty and i couldn't eat it all. whatever. and i downed 1 1/2 monsters and i was just about bouncing off the walls. it was fairly hilarious. on top of that, i was craving chocolate all night and i asked him (the guy with the drama) if he could make me a chocolate cake. yup. i did.
today... today. i went to the oakland mall with my mom and Luke and our cousins, Jon and Dan. the boys went to a video game cafe thing while mom and i got mani's and had lunch. it was kind of fun, actually. i don't know why.
and tonight, Luke and i had dinner at my grandma's house. we had spaghetti and meatballs. it was delicious, even if the noodles needed less butter. whatever. it was warm food in my stomach and i can't complain too much. plus, i had three square meals for once. in the past two weeks, i think there were about four days where i did have three meals in one day. which is kind of weird. i don't know. i'm just crazy, i guess.
tomorrow i was supposed to hang out with Rose, a good friend from high school. but her sister needs her to babysit (i guess her sister is too lazy to watch her own kids... what?). it seems like every time we try to make plans, they get ruined by something. friday it was because her sister wasn't home in time go hang out. i don't know. that's what it feels like, anyhow.
right now, the guy that i work with and i (his name is steven... i'm tired of having to not say his name) are debating the sexiness/hotness of movie star girls... it's funny. the first girl we didn't agree on. the second girl... he hasn't responed yet, but whatever. i don't care. it's just gonna be a running thing between us now, i guess, debating how hot or pretty (or or or....) a girl is.
i don't care what people think any more. it's who i am. and if people don't like it, then it's their problem. i like guys and girls equally. that's just who i am. and if you have a problem with who i like, stop reading. it's as easy as that.
alright, i think i'm signing off....
be creative and be yourself.
yesterday i worked with... you guess it. that hag. she worked a day shift, for once. and when our times were high for drive thru (we have a timer in the kitchen that times how long it takes us to get the orders out. each should take less than 2 1/2 minutes.), she blamed it on me (i was at the first window, collecting) when it wasn't my fault. it was her kitchen crew's fault and her front line's fault that her times were sky high. not mine. i was doing my job like i was supposed to. most of the time, people were waiting on her front line to hand out the damn food. and i couldn't help it when they cleared two orders and (GASP!!!) i had to collect. so, i don't know why she got sooooo pissed off at me. she has soemthing against me, and honestly, it's getting old.
i ended up working until close last night, or just about 'till. so i worked ten hour shift. it's extra cash in my pocket. aaannnd there was a customer in the drive thru that the guy and i agreed on... as in we both thought she was hot (hey! come now, no hating. i go both ways.). she was blond and she was pretty. what can i say? :) and i worked with jesse (only the best manager at burger king.). i had food (not much, which was weird because i hadn't eaten much all day.) around ten thirty and i couldn't eat it all. whatever. and i downed 1 1/2 monsters and i was just about bouncing off the walls. it was fairly hilarious. on top of that, i was craving chocolate all night and i asked him (the guy with the drama) if he could make me a chocolate cake. yup. i did.
today... today. i went to the oakland mall with my mom and Luke and our cousins, Jon and Dan. the boys went to a video game cafe thing while mom and i got mani's and had lunch. it was kind of fun, actually. i don't know why.
and tonight, Luke and i had dinner at my grandma's house. we had spaghetti and meatballs. it was delicious, even if the noodles needed less butter. whatever. it was warm food in my stomach and i can't complain too much. plus, i had three square meals for once. in the past two weeks, i think there were about four days where i did have three meals in one day. which is kind of weird. i don't know. i'm just crazy, i guess.
tomorrow i was supposed to hang out with Rose, a good friend from high school. but her sister needs her to babysit (i guess her sister is too lazy to watch her own kids... what?). it seems like every time we try to make plans, they get ruined by something. friday it was because her sister wasn't home in time go hang out. i don't know. that's what it feels like, anyhow.
right now, the guy that i work with and i (his name is steven... i'm tired of having to not say his name) are debating the sexiness/hotness of movie star girls... it's funny. the first girl we didn't agree on. the second girl... he hasn't responed yet, but whatever. i don't care. it's just gonna be a running thing between us now, i guess, debating how hot or pretty (or or or....) a girl is.
i don't care what people think any more. it's who i am. and if people don't like it, then it's their problem. i like guys and girls equally. that's just who i am. and if you have a problem with who i like, stop reading. it's as easy as that.
alright, i think i'm signing off....
be creative and be yourself.
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